He hesitated for a moment and she though he might try to force her to keep talking about this subject, keep pressing her on her need for control.
But at last, he sighed and said, “Not many, though I did discuss your plan with Dane.”
She drew back. “The plan you so roundly dismissed?”
He placed his hands behind his head and stared up at the ceiling. “It is not easy for me, the idea that I am the best pawn merely because it would be accepted that I’m seen as so little to your family. But it’s a good idea. I can accept that and Dane thinks so, too.”
“So what will we do?” she pressed.
“Go to London,” Asher said. “Tomorrow afternoon if we can. Or the next morning. It was decided today.”
She stared down at him. “Decided. By whom?”
“Stenfax, Gray, Dane and me,” he said.
“Without any discussion with me or anyone else?” she asked, pushing from the bed.
“It wasyourplan,” Asher insisted, sitting up to watch her grab for her robe and yank it over her shoulders.
“And I would have loved to be part of a discussion overmyplan, rather than cut out because my brothers and my…” She cut herself off. What did she call Asher? Her lover? Her love? “Because a bunch of men know best.”
She folded her arms, trying to keep the emotion from her voice so she wouldn’t be dismissed as hysterical. But to her surprise, Asher got up and padded toward her. He was entirely naked, which was distracting as anything, but he didn’t seem to be worried about that at the moment.
He caught her arms and held her gently. “You’re right,” he said. “I wasn’t thinking. We should have involved you. We should have involved everyone. This is your life, your situation, your future. You should be the one who knows each and every detail and approves each one. I’m sorry.”
She was stunned at his words and his tone, which said he actually meant them. She stared up into dark brown eyes and she saw his sincerity. She found herself wanting to sink into him, to let him give her the strength he offered for her. To trust that he would keep her upright when she was about to falter.
But she knew already that Asher was very capable of walking away. If she gave him everything, he could very well take it all with him the next time he left. And with nothing, she feared she wouldn’t survive.
She thrust her shoulders back and made herself cold because she knew it was the only way. “I appreciate that, Asher, thank you,” she said. “And now I should go to my room. If we’re going to London tomorrow, I should get a good night’s sleep. There will be much to do in the morning. Good night.”
He stared at her, saying nothing either to keep her with him or send her away. He juststared. Finally, she shifted and gave him an awkward nod before she hurried from the room, away from his seeing stare, away from his confusing touch, away from all the feelings he stirred in her that she knew were better off dead and buried.
She walked to her room and closed herself in, but alone she felt no better than she had with Asher standing across from her. She had told herself she could become his lover, take some pleasure and keep her heart separate. But what was becoming increasingly clear was that she couldn’t.
Now she just had to decide if she wanted to give up the passion or give up her tight grip on the emotions she feared so desperately. And decide soon.
Chapter Eleven
Felicity stared out the window of her carriage and caught a glimpse of Asher riding along outside on his horse. She stiffened and pulled the window curtain closed before she turned and found both her brothers watching her.
They had been traveling to London by caravan for a little more than a day now. They would arrive before teatime at the rate they were going. Felicity couldn’t say it hadn’t been a lovely trip. The family traded off carriages at almost every stop, which meant she’d gotten to spend time with everyone she loved and who loved her.
With the exception of Asher. He had ridden his horse the entire time, never coming into the carriages. It was like he was determined to actuallybean outsider to her family. She couldn’t help but think that had to do more with her than anyone else.
“You donothave a happy expression on your face,” Gray said.
Felicity sighed as she forced her attention back to her siblings. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be a difficult companion. I’m…I’m worried about what will happen in London.”
That was true, of course. There were many terrible possibilities of what they would encounter in the city. They might not find the man they sought. He might not respond to Asher’s story of wanting to buy the secrets within the book. He might have already broken the code and exposed her to the world, leading to consequences she could hardly bear to think about.
“Of course you are,” Stenfax said, reaching across for her hand. “But we’re going to do everything in our power to protect you. Your family, your friends and Asher.”
She tensed as she met Stenfax’s eyes, then Gray’s. They both looked very knowing in that moment.
“Asherismy friend,” she said. “Or he once was.”
Gray cocked his head. “You think he’s not now?”
