She was angry, but there was a part of her that understood. Her mother had always seen the world through soft and unfocused lenses. She believed what she saw or was told, often without question.
“I’m so sorry you went through that,” her mother said. “And that I didn’t know.”
“You couldn’t have done anything,” Felicity sighed. “And you only would have felt as desperate and miserable as Gray and Stenfax did. But you must understand now that when you tell me a title makes a man worthy, I scoff. Asher Seyton is a hundred times the man the Earl of Barbridge was. He always has been, even when he was nothing more than a servant’s son, in your eyes. And he always will be, even if he loses every penny he owns.”
She said the words and she realized how much she meant them. Asher had always been her hero, her obsession, her love. Whatever he thought, she hadneverseen him as lesser because of his father’s position in her father’s house.
“I have made so many mistakes,” her mother croaked, interrupting Felicity’s line of thought.
Felicity shook her head. “Oh no, Mama. Don’t. You made no mistakes. Erasmus didn’t show his true colors until there was no escape route left for me. You didn’t know. And you are not responsible for his actions, nor mine.”
Her mother got to her feet and she swayed slightly. “I…I think I’ll go lie down. I have a great deal to think about.”
“Mama,” Felicity began.
Her mother held up a hand as she slowly made her way to the door. “I’m so sorry, darling,” was all she said before she walked away.
Felicity rested her head in her hands and let out a great shuddering sigh. The worst part was, her mother still didn’t know the truth. She didn’t know Felicity had murdered Barbridge. She didn’t know that the truth of that night might still come out and destroy them all. Then all her belief about rank would mean nothing.
“Felicity?”
She lifted her head as Gray entered the room. Her expression must have been dire, indeed, for he rushed across to her and folded her into his arms immediately.
“What is it?” he asked.
She sighed against his broad shoulder. “I told Mama.”
He tensed. “About the murder?”
“No, of course not that,” she said, pulling from his arms. “I’d give her an apoplexy. About the abuse. She had no idea.”
Gray bent his head. “She sees what she wants to see. You know she’s always been like that. She ignored Father’s gambling for years. When she realized the state we were in after his death, she was shocked.”
“Yes, I know you’re right. Perhaps I should have left her in her dream world.”
“I don’t blame you for telling her,” Gray said. “But may I ask why you did so now?”
Felicity swallowed hard. “She was going on and on about the virtues of a title over the value of a good man. Did you know she never thought Asher was really our friend because of his lack of rank?”
Gray wrinkled his brow. “She told you that?”
Felicity nodded. “She’s been very odd about him since his return. Like she’s trying to push him away from us.”
Gray pondered that a moment. “I am not paying quite as much attention to Asher as you seem to be. But I find it strange that she was so judgmental of him. After all, she was the one who arranged to pay for his education, despite the financial straights we were in at the time.”
“No,” Felicity said. “She always told me Father had arranged for his education years before.”
Gray stared. “That isn’t true. Mama came to Stenfax the night of your coming out and made the proposal that our family do so. She even offered to pay for it out of her own pin money. She was insistent. Stenfax thought it odd, but loved the idea of supporting Asher in obtaining more from life.”
“I wonder why she told me Father had made the arrangement.”
Gray shrugged. “It’s Mama. You know how she is. At any rate, whatever she says about Asher or Barbridge, as long as you know the truth about them, it doesn’t matter. Now come. Rosalinde and Celia are going for a ride and I was sent to see if you’d join them.”
He slung an arm around her shoulder and guided her out the door, but as they walked, Felicity couldn’t help but think of what he’d said. She did know the truth about both Barbridge and Asher. And she knew the truth about how she felt about each man, as well.
What she didn’t know was what she wanted to do with those feelings. Because the ones she had for Asher were terrifying.
Chapter Ten
