“Very well,” she murmured, reaching out to place a palm against the center of his chest. She pushed gently, forcing him back into room. She shut the door and slowly relocked it before she faced him.
Her expression was hooded, unreadable except for a spark of heated desire that flickered there. And oh, how he wanted to take that desire at face value, to just reach for her as he had in a thousand dreams and take what he wanted.
But this wasn’t a dream. And he couldn’t. Shouldn’t.
“Why are you here?” he repeated, this time breathless when he could smell that vanilla heaven again.
She tilted her head. “Don’t you know?” she asked as she stepped up to him and placed both hands on his shoulders. She slowly slid them up until she wrapped her arms around him. Her body molded flush to his as she whispered, “I want you. I wantthis.”
She brushed her lips to his, and he couldn’t even consider self-control in that moment. He cupped her backside, feeling that beneath her robe she was as naked as he was. She gasped but then continued to kiss him, driving her tongue into his mouth, taking control the way she hadn’t earlier in the day.
And he let her, partly out of shock and partly because her desire for him felt so damned good. It was impossible to resist it when she arched against him like a cat and her mouth moved urgently over his. Desperately.
He frowned at that realization. Oh yes, there was need here in her touch. But beneath it, he felt her desperation.
“Slow,” he murmured, smoothing his hands up her back gently. “Go slow.”
She shook her head. “No,” she gasped as she tried to loosen his robe tie. Her hands were shaking so hard, she couldn’t manage it. “Not slow.”
He reached down and caught her hands, holding them steady as he stared at her. “Stop, Felicity. Stop.”
She was trembling, her head bent. “You don’t want me?”
“On the contrary,” he said, shifting so the hardness of his cock brushed her belly. “I think it’s evident how much I want you. But this is madness.”
She drew a long breath and looked up at him at last. Her face was oddly calm, but he wouldn’t have called it serene. She pulled her hands from his and reached out to cup him through the fabric of his robe.
“If it’s madness, I want to be mad.”
She stroked him and his knees went weak. His body screamed at him to stop arguing, stop worrying and just let this happen. But he looked at her and saw her fear, her anger, her brokenness.
And he couldn’t let her use him. Not like this.
“Felicity,” he whispered.
She stopped stroking and her eyes filled with tears. “Why won’t you just let me do this?” she asked.
He shook his head. “Because you’re doing it for the wrong reasons.”
“I want you,” she snapped, turning away from him. “Everyone else gets who they want, why can’t I have you? Just for a moment, just for tonight?”
He swallowed hard. Her words were sharp and pointed, angry. But they revealed some deeper truth about Felicity’s mind, about her motivations and he understood her at last. She was here tonight just trying to grab something she wanted, something just for her. In the midst of pain and betrayal and fear, she needed that.
Only she didn’t know how to get it. She certainly didn’t know how to take it without controlling it. Because she was too afraid to let go.
He touched her arm and slowly she looked at him. He cupped her cheeks gently and lowered his lips to hers. She relaxed against him, surrendering for a brief second before she stiffened and her hands began to move again.
He stopped kissing her and backed up. “Felicity, you’re not going to control me through my cock, though God knows I want you to.”
She blinked. “If you want me to, why won’t you let me?”
“Because I think youneedsomething else.”
Her jaw set and she lifted her chin in the forever defiance he truly admired. Only now he saw it for what it was: a shield against anyone getting too close. A barrier between Felicity and happiness.
“What do you think I need, Asher? After so many years apart, give me your hypothesis on the subject.”
He ignored her sharp tone and reached up to trace her jawline with the back of his hand. She shivered at the touch, even as she tried to maintain some level of restraint.
