She blinked furiously, still fighting tears. “It’s so cruel to bring that up, Lucien.”
He nodded. “I know it is. I hate doing it, but I see you balling up inside yourself, trying to pretend that we can ignore this away. We can’t. If you won’t save yourself, save those nephews and nieces that you haven’t met yet. Save your own children.”
She flinched. “I will never have children,” she whispered as she turned away and moved to the window. She stared with unseeing eyes for what felt like an eternity, pondering what her brother had said. Pondering the stakes for everyone she loved, as well as herself.
Finally, she turned back and found Stenfax simply waiting patiently for her response. “I love you, you know that,” he said.
She bent her head. “I know you do. And you are right, of course. I cannot only think of my own selfish desires. You truly think Asher could help?”
“Yes,” Stenfax said softly. “As does Dane, and he knows best about such things.”
“Then there is nothing else to be done,” she said with a shuddering sigh. “God help me, there is nothing else to be done at all. He must be told and his help obtained.”
Stenfax’s face relaxed a little. “Thank you, Felicity. I promise you that I will tell him with as much sensitivity to your thoughts and feelings as I can and—”
She took a long step toward him. “No, Stenfax. Absolutely not.”
He wrinkled his brow. “I’m confused. You just said he should know.”
“Yes, he should know. And he will know. ButIam going to be the one to tell him.”
His lips parted. “Felicity…”
“It ismysecret, Lucien. Mine and only mine. If it must be told to so many people, I want to be the one who controls how it happens. It may sound foolish to you, but this is hard enough without knowing that you and Asher are standing behind a closed door, clucking your tongues and pitying me.”
Stenfax’s nostrils flared slightly. “I have never pitied you, Felicity, I assure you.”
“And if I am the one who tells him, then neither will he. I’ll make sure of it,” she said, though she didn’t feel half as confident as she somehow sounded. Inside she trembled at the idea of not only facing Asher again, but of having to find the words to explain herself once more.
Stenfax sighed heavily. “Do you want me to be with you, at least, when you do this?”
She shook her head. “No. I must do it alone. In my own way.”
He was silent a moment, and she clenched her fists as she waited. Lucien had never been one to hold lord and master over anyone’s head, but he certainly had every right to if he felt he was protecting her by doing so. But at last he nodded. “Very well, Felicity. If this is what you want, I would not deny your right to do so. But so you know, Asher is in my office right at this moment, awaiting my arrival so I can have this very conversation with him.”
Felicity couldn’t hold back a gasp. Now Stenfax’s furtive glance down the hall when he first encountered her made perfect sense. “He waits for you right now?” she repeated, hardly able to form the words with her shaking voice.
“I can put him off or—”
She held up a hand. “No. There is no time like the present. The sooner he knows, the sooner he can provide whatever service he is able and the sooner he will go. I’ll go talk to him.”
Stenfax moved to her and closed his hands around her upper arms gently. “Don’t be so quick to dismiss all help, Felicity. From your family or from old friends. We are here for you.”
She nodded even though his words felt so hollow to her ears. In the end, she knew no one could truly save her, no matter how much they wanted to. She had to live with what she’d done, whether external consequences came or not.
No one could change that.
“I should go speak to him,” she said, extracting herself from her brother’s gentle embrace and giving him a false smile. “When I have finished, I will have word sent to you so you may come and do the same yourself.”
Stenfax still didn’t look certain, but he nodded. “As you wish, Felicity.”
She slipped from the room, leaving him staring a hole in her back, and slowly walked the short distance up the hall toward her brother’s office. Every step felt like one to her doom, like she was going to the very gallows everyone was working so hard to help her avoid.
She stopped at Stenfax’s door, hesitating at the barrier as she drew a few long breaths to calm herself. Finally, she opened it and stepped inside.
Asher was leaning against the mantel on the fireplace, watching the flames. She caught her breath just as she had the night before. In the daylight, he was even more handsome than he had been in half-light. He had shaved, so his angular jaw was more defined, his full lips infinitely more kissable.
He turned toward her and his dark eyes lit up with surprise, but she also thought a hint of pleasure. The second made her toes curl in her slippers and she fought with all her might to control the unwanted reaction.
