“Yes,” he said, not breaking his cool, even stare.
“You cannot mean that,” she said.
He arched a brow. “No? You know me so well?”
She tensed. The truth of this man was so very clear and so very decent. “I know you well enough to know you wouldn’t ask this if you didn’t mean it,” she admitted.
He nodded.
“But I want you tell me why you offer this, especially considering the last three years. Hell, the last three hours,” she said.
He sighed, and his voice was soft as he said, “To protect you. If Kirkford is so driven, you’ll be at risk as much as or more than Felicity is. And considering the sacrifice you made all those years ago to keep us safe, I cannot allow that.”
Pain rushed through her, even though she’d already guessed his answer. Somehow she’d hoped he would look at her and see her as the same woman he’d once loved. That he would touch her and connect with her. That he’d allow himself to care even just a little.
“We could find another way,” she whispered.
He stiffened. “You still wish to escape a union with me, Elise?”
“No!” she cried, stepping toward him. “I never did, Lucien.”
His expression softened just a fraction. “Yes, I know. I’m sorry, that was uncalled for.” He glided a hand through his hair, and suddenly she saw a thousand cracks in his emotionless mask. “I don’t know what else to do, Elise. I could become your protector, certainly, but there wouldn’t be as much safety in that role. You wouldn’t live in my home, with my name wrapped around you. And there is also the fact that this morning, when we made love, we weren’tcareful. So that means not only you could be in danger, but my…”
He caught his breath and she did the same. “Your child,” she finished, trying not to picture that very child in her mind.
He jerked out a trembling nod. “Yes,” he whispered. “I would never allow any child of mine to be threatened, no matter how small the possibility that a baby now exists. As my wife, I could give you more layers of security.”
Everything he said made perfect sense, and it had the added advantage that she would be his wife, the place where she’d always wanted to be. And yet there was little joy for her in the notion, because it wasn’t born of love.
She reached for him and he allowed her to take his hand. She held it gently, reveling in the superior size, the rougher quality. These hands had brought her such pleasure. And she wanted them to bring her so much more. But she also wanted these hands to touch her in love, not just desire. She wanted these hands to hold their children, without a barrier between them born of the past.
“I asked you a question the last time we were at Vivien’s,” she said, gathering up her courage as best she could. “I asked you if we could start over. You told me you couldn’t trust me. After today, has that changed?”
He pulled his hand from hers, but didn’t step away. Instead, he cupped her cheek, smoothing his fingers along the skin, ultimately gentle. He locked eyes with her and whispered, “Elise,youdidn’t trustme. So as much as I’d love to start over, until we can trusteach other, it’s still impossible.”
She shut her eyes, pain flowing through her veins, through her muscles, through her bones. “But you’ll still marry me,” she whispered.
“If you agree,” he said. “And it won’t have to be unhappy.”
She almost laughed at that idea that she could be his wife, without his love or his trust, and be happy. But she didn’t. This was her only way out now. He was right about that. And perhaps if they were together, she could one day prove herself worthy of his heart again.
It was better than an empty life alone, going from protector to protector and only wanting Lucien in the depths of her heart.
“I’ll marry you,” she whispered.
She opened her eyes to find him staring at her. He wasn’t smiling, but his gaze was intense, focused, driven.
“Did you say yes?” he asked, his tone filled with disbelief.
She nodded. “Yes, Lucien.”
He bent his head then and caught her in a kiss so soft and gentle that it melted away some of her disappointment. If they had nothing else, they would have this. This physical connection, this beating desire between them. She would fight the rest of her days to obtain the rest.
He was worth the fight.
He drew back at last and stepped away, the wall coming back between them.
“What will you do about Kirkford and the potential for this book?” she asked, hoping her disappointment wasn’t too evident.
