He reached down and grabbed for his trousers, shoving them on without looking at her. She edged herself off the table and found her now-wrinkled gown. Stepping into it, she sighed. It felt like an impossible chasm between them, regardless of how powerful their joinings were.
“Do you need help buttoning it?” he asked.
She turned and found he already had his shirt on. He was tucking it into his trousers, almost back to the man he had been when they entered the room.
“Yes,” she said, putting her back to him a second time. If he had taken his time unfastening her, he buttoned her with swift and almost detached efficiency.
She shook her head and faced him when he was done. “You keep doing this,” she said. “Wekeep doing it, regardless of everything else.”
He had begun tying his cravat and his hands stilled at her observation. He lifted his gaze to her, holding it steady just as he had when he took her. Only now his expression wasn’t one of desire and connection. He was wary of her.
He bent his head again, not looking at her as he said, “I want to stay away from you, Elise. I know it’s the right thing to do. But I…” His voice dropped. “I can’t.”
She caught her breath. That was the closest to an admission of caring she would likely ever again get from him. And it opened up possibilities in her mind. If he wanted her, perhaps that could solve her problem on so many levels. Being with him could help her escape Ambrose and his ugliness, but it could also be an opportunity to slowly heal the wounds between her and Stenfax.
After time, she might even be able to explain herself to him and have him understand.
She stepped toward him. “I still need a protector,” she whispered.
His head jerked up and he looked at her. She could see he understood where she was going with that statement. Immediately, he shook his head. “That can’t be me, Elise.”
Pain tore through her at that plain statement. He wanted her, but only because he couldn’t fight that feeling. It was a weakness in his eyes, not a future of any kind.
She nodded slowly, forcing her voice to remain neutral as she said, “No, of course not. I see that.”
He went back to tying the cravat, though she noticed his hands moved a little more slowly. He looked at her from the corner of his eye. “But you haven’t found a protector yet.”
“No.”
He finished tying the knot and grabbed for his discarded jacket. As he put it on, he said, “If I come to you again, will you turn me away, Elise?”
She swallowed hard. The past two times he’d touched her had proven what she wanted deep inside. And if these moments were all she’d ever have with Lucien, she would be a fool to lie and say she didn’t want them.
“I can’t,” she admitted. “I can’t turn you away, Lucien.”
His expression softened just a fraction. “Neither can I. Even if I hate myself for it.”
She winced at that assessment, and at the way he turned away from her and moved for the door. He unlocked it and turned back toward her.
“Goodnight, Elise.”
She nodded and whispered, “Goodnight.”
And then he was gone, taking all the air in the room, all the warmth in her body, and a piece of her heart with him.
Chapter Six
Elise stood at the full-length mirror in her chamber, staring at the image that stared back at her. She was dressed in one of her altered gowns, this one a warm pink and recut so low that she feared if she bent the wrong way she’d give everyone a show. Her hair had been done in a loose and sensual way, and she looked every bit the temptation she felt she must be.
Yes, she was ready for a return to Vivien’s lair. Yet, just as she had the past few nights since her last encounter with Lucien, she hesitated. She hadn’t been back since then. She had dressed, she had been ready, then she’d changed her mind.
Going there just felt so damned hard now.
There was a light knock on her door and then it opened, revealing Elise’s maid, Ruth. Elise tried to brighten her countenance as she turned toward her.
“I was thinking that I won’t go tonight, Ruth,” she said. “I apologize for wasting your time yet again, but I’m still just not feeling well. You can help me out of the dress and then let Madison know that he may put away the carriage.”
Ruth pressed her lips together and swallowed hard. For the first time, Elise noticed how flushed the young woman was, how nervous she seemed. “Your Grace, er…the duke is here.”
