I block out the cries and hysteria, knowing I must focus on getting us down the stairs, hoping there isn’t a fire blocking the entrance. I thought I would make it out of here, even after all this time. I told myself I’d find Ella, and we’d both be fine. It’s become too easy to lie to myself and build myself up with implausible hope. I just wanted to see her once more. I would take only and forever once more over never again. Everyone we love is gone, or so we have told ourselves. It’s been over two years since Father and Grandfather were sent away. I haven’t been able to find their names on any list the Judenrat has control over, which just leads me to believe the worst.
I must take care of Mother. It’s what they would all hope I’d do.
Apollo’s mother is having trouble with her two girls, both hysterical and terrified. I lift one of them into my arms. “Come on, darling. I’ve got you. We’ll be all right.” I hold her thin blanket over her nose and mouth, blocking out as much smoke as I can.
“I’m scared,” she cries, the words muffled against the blanket.
“But you are so brave. So brave,” I tell her.
I hold Mother tightly to my other side and get us all down the stairs as quickly as possible. We burst out of the building, gasping for air, coughing between each breath. I pull Mother to the side of the building, keeping us among the smoke until we reach the corner. Apollo’s mother takes her daughter from my arms and squeezes her tightly.
“Come with us,” I tell her. “I’ll help you with the girls.” Just as Apollo would have.
Apollo’s mother shakes her head, her mouth quivering. “No, Luka. We must all fend for ourselves now,” she says. “But thank you. Be safe. God bless.” She presses her fingers to her lips and gives us a teary-eyed wave.
There isn’t time to beg, though I’m running as blindly as she is now. We could very well be running into a trap, but most of the fighting was coming from the other side of the building. Mother’s hand squeezes mine so tightly, like I’m her lifeline, the thin frayed rope hanging between jagged rocks. “Come on, Mother. I have you,” I utter between chokes.
I have you, I keep repeating in my head. I keep pulling her along down narrow passages between buildings. So many of them are burning down.
We end up at a sewer opening with a displaced cover. People are down there, and they could be Jews or Germans. But there’s only one way in and one way out from this direction and if we run into the wrong people, it will be the end.
A broken-down brick building without a roof comes into sight and I consider the thought that no one would try to destroy this building again seeing as it’s already mostly flattened. But there’s a black cave through one side. It could collapse. It could be bombed. It might be our only chance to survive.
“In there. It’s already been demolished. Let’s try for now,” I tell Mother.
She doesn’t argue. She doesn’t have a better idea. She’s relying on me as if I’m Father, as if I’m in charge, and trusting that I’ll keep her alive. I can’t let her down.
I help her into the crawl space of a hole, finding a small open pyramid of space between the stacks of bricks. ‘This is the end, isn’t it, my dear?” she says.
“It’s not the end. We’ll fight beyond the end. They want us to give up. That’s why we can’t.”
Mother grabs my hand, hers shaking and covered in sweat from the steam and heat of the surrounding fires. She wraps her arm around my back and pulls my head down to her shoulder. “My sweet boy, the one who made me a mother. You have always been the love of my life, you and your father’s.”
“Stop talking that way. We’re going to make it out of this,” I tell her.
She squeezes my hand a little tighter. “Perhaps, but I fear there will be a next ‘this,’ my son.”
I swallow hard, trying not to give in to this fear, to this desolate end. “Remember the song—the one you always sang to me before bed when I was little?” I ask.
“Which one is that?” she asks.
I suppose she sang many but only one was my favorite. One always led to sweet dreams. I begin to sing softly, reminding her of the past:
There’s a place for you
Warm, inviting, bright, and true.
A dreamland waiting to be found,
Where peace and beauty both astound
So, rest your eyes my dear
Let colors burst and skies grow clear
Flowers bloom in endless hue,
A world of wonder just for you
