They haven’t said a word to me about this plan. They didn’t ask. “No, I’m not leaving. I have to—I’m just…not ready to leave—my life with Otto behind. I can’t…I’ll just keep delivering your papers,” I say.
I’ve already destroyed one life, and Danner is still depending on me, despite everything else that’s happened.
He taps the toes of his polished shoes on the ground, staring at them for a long moment.“Keep delivering papers…,” he says with a sigh. “No. To be honest, I’m not sure how much more work I’ll have for you.”
“Why?” I ask breathlessly, knowing my bargaining chip is growing weaker by the minute and I’m practically begging this awful man to allow me to keep doing his dirty work.
“Why?It’s nothing you need brood over right now. For the moment, we’ll continue on, business as usual.”
FORTY-FOUR
EMILIE
JUNE 1944
Munich, Germany
A little girl sits on a sofa as her parents stand before her, staring at her with their arms crossed and a look of disappointment stamped across their faces. I don’t even have Gerty to back me up. She had to go back home to Calvin and their son.
“There’s nothing for you here,” Papa says. “I need to know that you’re not alone all the time, not now. It’s too dangerous.”
“I don’t want to go home. I’m sorry,” I say, uttering my words as I stare between them. They don’t know about Danner. They don’t know what I’ve been doing, keeping him alive all this time through my work and through the small things I can get to him—the hope I try to instill in him. I do know they would do the same, but they wouldn’t want me walking into Dachau every night. Papa would tell me he would do it instead and wouldn’t tolerate an argument.
I’ve never kept anything from them until Otto and I moved here.
“There’s something you aren’t telling us, Emilie,” Mama says. “You might be a grown woman living on your own now, but a mother’s instinct only grows stronger with age.”
She’s staring at me with a sharp glare—a glare I could never peer past as a child. I knew I would be in less trouble by being honest up front than if I lied.
I close my eyes and swallow against the dryness strangling my throat. “Danner is a prisoner in Dachau.”
The color drains from both their faces, and their jaws fall open. Their expression is something beyond the description of shock, and I’ve shared this information as if I were telling them it might rain later.
“I don’t understand… How do you know this?” Papa says, stepping in closer to the coffee table between us.
“What did you think when I told you Otto bought us a house in Dachau? Where did you think we’d be?”
They weren’t concerned when I told them I was leaving. They were happy I’d married a man who wanted to take care of me and keep me safe.
“That he would be conducting research with his father in a field hospital, as he said,” Mama replies, a brow now raised as anger pinches at her forehead.
“Isn’t that where you’ve been helping him all this time?” Papa follows. “That’s what you’ve told us, is it not?”
I drop my gaze to my lap, my interwoven fingers, the golden band still encircling my finger. “Yes, but the field hospital was inside the Dachau concentration camp.”
Their shock and anger transform into a state of horror, their eyes bulging, unblinking as if they’ve been shot in the back. Why is this expression familiar to me? It’s one that haunts my nightmares, but I shouldn’t be familiar with this dead expression.
“I’ve been covertly trying to save prisoners by altering data to avoid further human experimentation that continues to be ordered by the Luftwaffe. Danner was one of the initial subjects. I managed to save him, and I’ve been leaving him rations of food rolled into a newspaper nightly as I deliver reports to Dietrich’s office. He’ll die if I stop.”
Papa drops down onto the side of the coffee table and Mama ambles to my side, sitting next to me on the sofa. “Why in the world did you keep this from us?” she asks.
“Everything is a secret, Mama. Shared secrets result in death.”
“Otto knew he was pulling you into this situation and kept it from you?”
“Stefan and Marion knew about this,” Papa grunts.
I shake my head. “No, it wasn’t like that. Dietrich is the mastermind behind it all. Herr Berger pulled us away from Dachau once he found out what we were being forced to take part in, but Dietrich knew I had a connection with Danner and promised to keep him safe if I helped him.” The more I say, the more nauseous they look. Mama is holding her stomach and Papa has his head cradled in his hand. “If I leave here, I won’t be able to bring Danner any more food. He’ll starve to death. He’ll lose hope.”
