“It wasn’t what I was expecting? Is that all? What about the fact one of our very best friends is being held there as a prisoner? We haven’t seen him in years, wondering what might have happened to him, and now—well, now we know, and it’s the most horrific answer to our questions possible.” I don’t understand why he’s curtailing the blatant issue. “It’s a concentration camp, imprisoning innocent lives.Danner, my God. I refuse to take part in anything that jeopardizes a life, and if you choose to continue to do so…I’m not sure—I don’t even know what to say to you.”
Otto walks past me, following his nose into the kitchen. “I understand how jarring it is to know Danner is within those gates, and us, essentially on the other side. But we aren’t Nazis, Emilie. We’re assisting with scientific research, and offering medical care to sick patients, prisoners or not—we aren’t hurting anyone. We aren’t the people who decided to create internment camps, but we can take care of the people who are prisoners in them.”
“You aren’t hurting anyone? You must be fooling yourself if that’s what you believe. Human experimentation is not research, research does not involve testing theories on living people.”
“You’re making this sound much worse than it is,” he says, his words so unconvincing there’s no way he believes what he’s saying. He must be in denial or trying to convince himself that this isn’t as deplorable as it is.
I follow at his heels but remain in the open archway. “With so many…prisoners, we’ll call them, I imagine many must die under Dietrich’s treatment, all while you’re doing research, yes?”
Otto pulls open the oven door to peek inside. “Emi, I’m not a monster.”
“I think this would define the act of a monster, Otto. How can you not see it that way?”
He moves down the counter to where he keeps the glass ribbed bottle of brandy and takes one of the clean glasses that I’ve left out for him to pour a pre-dinner splash.
“Working within those gates makes you—would make me an accomplice.”
“Emi—we can help them. You know I support your endeavors and studies just as you support mine, and it must seem unfair that I’m working in the field we both planned to be a part of while you’ve been here at home, but now…we have a chance to make a difference.”
I make my way to his side and take the second glass in front of the bottle of brandy, pouring myself a small serving.
“Life isn’t always fair. Isn’t that what they say?” I reply.
A common housewife wasn’t written into my life plans, but neither was another world war. One thing shouldn’t have anything to do with the other, but here, it does, and for reasons I can’t understand. People need medical care—all people, and if help is needed, I shouldn’t have been pulled away from the opportunity.
“I know you’re upset that we had to uproot our plans and place a pause on our classes, but while this current opportunity isn’t something I would have chosen, it’s experience we can use when moving forward later. Maybe it’s best if we look at this as a situation we were meant to be in to do the right thing and help those who need us.”
“We aren’t helping people. We’ll be hurting them, Otto.”
“No, we won’t. We won’t hurt anyone.” He sounds much less defensive now as if he thinks he’s proven his point, but there’s no way to make this sound any different to what it is.
With his final words, he will continue thinking I’m not disgusted by the idea of what’s happening within those walls. I keep so many of my thoughts bottled up inside lately that I’m not sure he knows what I’m truly thinking now. I take a sip of thebrandy, allowing the burning liquor to trickle down my throat. I’d rather go back to being naive about his job that I thought was so dangerous.
Otto has a kind heart. He will never just agree with someone else’s opinion if his doesn’t match. But that’s with the exception of his father and uncle, who he just can’t seem to fault or argue with. The Otto I’ve known most of my life would never volunteer to spend his time in a concentration camp where innocent people are being held captive, nor would he consider what he’s doing an experience he could use in the future. I would know if I was married to a man capable of forgetting his morals. What wife wouldn’t know this about her husband?
“Has your father brainwashed you? Because I can’t even begin to think of what to say to you right now. Who are you, Otto? I feel like I’m married to a complete stranger.”
Once upon a time, I wouldn’t have thought his father would set foot inside a concentration camp either, but it’s becoming clearer by the day that he has betrayed his morals on behalf of his brother’s promises to be world renowned for curing cancer if that’s even still a work-in-progress now. I don’t understand how Otto has walked through those gates day after day without noticing the truth of the people being held within them. It seems impossible to avoid, and to withhold it from me for five months is unfathomable. I have tried not to fault him for being so loyal to his family, until today.
“Yes, Emi. Yes, he did, and now I’m stuck, so I’m going to do what I can to do right by those who deserve help. That is my answer to you. I’ll help Danner, and whoever else I can to keep the odds of their current inevitable outcome as far away as possible. However, I need you to return with me, or we’re going to face issues—terrifying ones.”
He wants to help.
He wants me to help.
I would walk through a rain shower of bullets if there was a chance of protecting Danner. I’ve never been one to shy away from bravery but we’re all so small in the face of what’s taken over our world. Nothing is black and white, or maybe it is, and that’s what scares me the most. I clench my hands and release them continually, feeling the sweat pool as I consider what’s to come. I fan my hand in front of my face and lean against the arched wall.
“Despite the desire to help whoever we can, I can’t move past the idea of us facing ‘issues’ if I don’t return with you. Your father and uncle are responsible for setting up this supposed research trial and yet, you’re afraid for our lives. Am I understanding you correctly?”
I thought I was at a loss for words, but in truth, I’m doing everything I can to bury my rage. No matter what he responds with, nothing will change because his father is a man of his word and when he commits to something, it’s done. He expects Otto to act the same. I never considered that I might have to question who Otto would be more loyal to—his father or me. Regardless, if there’s a chance to help Danner, I have to hope Otto will indeed be a man of his word.
“You understand perfectly well and I’m unable to make an excuse for him. I believe many people have been blindly led into situations without knowing what’s around the corner and everyone is afraid for their own lives. My father and uncle are likely feeling the same way. I’m not sure what to think, Emi. That’s the truth.”
My heart is pounding so fiercely, it’s hard to portray any sort of calmness, but I can’t let myself explode. It will only make things worse.
“I’ll return with you, but let it be known that I’m only returning to do whatever I can to help Danner and the other innocent people there—however possible. And I’m terrified thatthis will all end badly. The thought of what can happen… I can’t wrap my head around the fact that we’re in this situation. I can’t.”
“Understood, and thank you,” Otto says, dropping his head, a sign of the shame he must be feeling. “I can’t fathom the thought of Danner being among those men. Of all the people in the world… You know I wouldn’t want anything to happen to him. He doesn’t deserve this or anything he’s had to deal with over the last four years.” He lifts his glass from the table and takes a long sip of the bourbon. “Danner was in Poland for a while, wasn’t he?”
