I’ve gotten good at drowning out the background noise of sirens and commanding shouts in the streets, but it’s still there. We can’t escape it. The war will continue to close in around us, no matter where we are.
And it will be just Otto and me safe outside of the city. Not our families. I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep at night, knowing they’re still here while I’m safe elsewhere.
“We will go back to our classes when we can. This isn’t forever. It’s for now. We can’t control the war, nor do we want to be involved. Let’s step aside and hope the end is near,” he says, running out of breath as if we’re running out of time to step into the car. “Emi, I want to share a beautiful life with you in a place we love. It’s my promise to you and I won’t break it.”
We’ve been discussing this matter for countless hours, barely catching a wink of sleep last night, and yet, my curiosity persists… “Just help me understand, why now? What prompted your uncle to pull the plans forward like this?”
A plane flies overhead, zinging through the sky, stealing the silence around us as I wait for an answer.
Otto sighs. “My uncle Dietrich’s agency has formed an additional alliance with the Luftwaffe. They have a need for a medical research team, so my uncle has to put one together quickly.”
“The air force?” I consider my ever-present fear that Otto’s medical courses won’t be enough to keep him from being conscripted into the armed forces like many men his age have been. “I thought the agency was working toward finding a cure for cancer. What does the Luftwaffe have to do with that?”
Otto takes in a lungful of frigid air and holds it before exhaling with an answer in one quick breath. The truth, at last… “I’m not privy to much of the information around what’s neededfor the agency’s medical research. I was told I’d find out shortly, but in the meantime, I must take this position, now,” he says, his voice lowering an octave, embracing a serious tone I don’t often hear from him. “If I finish my classes instead and the war is still in motion, I’ll become an enlisted officer and won’t have a say. This job with my father and uncle would have me working in way that benefits the country, thus keeping me off the front lines. Isn’t that what we want, Emi?”
I’ve been shivering the entire time we’ve been outside, but now that a numbness has settled into my limbs, I’m stiff as a board. “So, you’ll be forced to enlist if we don’t go…” I repeat, staring at his rising and falling chest as he tries to catch the breaths he skipped.
“Citizens in this country have little control. You know this,” he says, holding his arms out for me to curl into. I do, for the warmth I desperately need. “I understand your concerns and you have every right to be apprehensive, but my father has assured me—us—that we will be safe, and we will have the best house money can buy at the minute. Plus, we’ll be living next to other doctors and medical professionals and their wives. They’re all like us, wanting to make a difference by contributing to ground-breaking medical research. It’ll be fun. A new group of friends, a new community.”
It’s hard not to question the validity of his words at a time like this. “Otto, no one is giving away houses, so there must be an explanation for why there’s no cost to us.”
Otto lowers his head. “Sweetheart, listen to me,” he says pulling me into a full embrace, cloaked by his wool coat. “I’m trying my best to ensure our future pans out the way it should. I understand why you have so many questions, but the answers…they aren’t something I can explain in a way that won’t scare you.”
“What do you mean?” I question, my voice faltering as sweat dampens my hands within my gloves.
“I didn’t…I didn’t want to scare you, but I’ll be working in a field hospital, located inside Dachau.”
“Doing what?” I say, feeling my tongue lodge in my throat. “In Dachau? The concentration camp the Nazis built to intern political protesters.”
“Yes, but it’s a location that happens to have additional lab space we can utilize. And I realize what you’re thinking…those protesting criminals are fighting against this war and that’s something we feel the same way about. So in my mind they aren’t the type of convict you need to worry about me being near. They’re like-minded people who spoke out of turn—something neither of us would do to avoid arrest. It’s not a prison full of murderous criminals. The field hospital has extra lab space for us to conduct our work. I’ll be helping the greater good without sacrificing our safety. This is for us, Emi.”
If these people are in prison, there must be a reason beyond expressing their opinions.
“Well, if there’s nothing to worry about, why does the house come as a benefit to this research job?” People only speak of Dachau in rumors. I don’t know anyone who has seen the place from inside.
“My uncle negotiated funding, knowing it would provide us with safety.” Otto kisses the top of my head. “I want to take care of you—it’s all I’ve ever wanted. I’ve done nothing but try to prove that to you.”
“You have, and with nothing but the best intentions. I just need a moment to get used to the change.”
“I know you don’t like surprises. You’re a planner, and I’m sorry that I can’t provide that comfort for you at the moment. But what is in my control is my devotion to you. I’ll never let you down, Emi. I haven’t yet, have I?”
He never has. We’ve always been side-by-side, in sync with what we want and where we’re going. “I’m sorry, I’ll try to be more understanding,” I say, squeezing my arms around him in his long tan wool coat.
“Don’t apologize,” he says, pushing me away a bit so he can stare into my eyes. A strand of his sandy hair falls over his forehead and he lifts my hand to kiss my knuckles. “We need to take a different path for a future that will benefit us after the war ends.”
“I understand,” I say, sweeping my cheek up in an angle against his coat to meet his firm, but endearing gaze.
“I think you’ll be happy with the house. I know you would have rather picked it out yourself, but there weren’t really options.”
I’m not keen on surprises, even the well-intentioned ones. The thought of something unexpectedly shaking up my life used to make my stomach turn sour. But today isn’t yesterday or the past. I know it’s time to move forward. Even when I shared the sudden change with my parents this morning, they smiled and reminded me to be grateful to have a loving husband who wants to take care of me. Mama and Papa always want what’s best for me. So, no more questioning this move. With a breath of chilly air, I smile and welcome the new life ahead as I slide into Otto’s car.
TWO
EMILIE
FEBRUARY 1942
Dachau, Germany
