I should have written to you sooner but I’ve hardly had a minute to catch a wink of sleep. I’ve received all your letters and I hope you’re aware of how much they’ve meant to me since I’ve written last.
I’ve included a photo of the most beautiful little boy in the entire world. Theodore Calvin Distler was born with a full head of curly honey-brown hair, and eyes the color of the South Pacific Ocean. He’s healthy and perfect and I’m dying for you to meet him, but as your mom told you, Calvin and I decided to move south, away from the city. The moment Theo was born, I couldn’t bear the thought of keeping him there with all the protests, riots, and fights breaking out. I’m sure once the war is over, we’ll move back home. I suppose this is where I tell you, you’re smart for waiting on bringing a baby into the world. Babies in general are scary enough, never mind the state of Germany.
I tell Theo stories about you every day so even though we aren’t physically together right now, he will always know who his Auntie Emi is.
He’s taking a nap right now, which is a rare occurrence even though I was told babies are supposed to sleep most of the day. That’s the reason I haven’t been able to write sooner.
I hope you’re doing well and happy, loving married life, and I hope Otto is the same. I miss you so much and I can’t wait until we can see each other again. Calvin sends you his best too.
With all my love,
Gerty
My eyes well as I stare at the beautiful little boy—not girl, as she predicted—in the photograph. He looks like a little doll, a perfect combination of Gerty and Calvin.
My heart aches and I’m not sure if it’s because I feel terrible that I’m not with Gerty and wasn’t with her when Theo was born, or if it’s for selfish reasons. I could be sitting here with a baby inmy belly, but nothing seems right, and that’s enough of a reason to be sitting here holding a grudge instead.
The squeal of the Volkswagen’s brakes alerts my attention, confirming Otto is home. My throat tightens and fists clench, preparing for his reaction. After the last few weeks, I don’t expect him to be in a good mood, but learning I’ve done nothing all day will only dampen his mood more.
The front door in the foyer opens but I don’t hear the click of his shoes move past the welcome mat. The scuff from the coarse texture of his trench coat is the only thing I can hear until the coat rack tilts off its three feet onto two, just by a hair, then falls back into place after recoiling from Otto’s tossed coat and hat, which then slip off the rack and fall to the ground as he walks away.
Maybe he noticed the wet umbrella upside down, still dripping with water from where he left it this morning after stepping outside to put an envelope in the mailbox. He took a different, dry umbrella to work with him when he left a half hour later.
“Emilie?” He sounds unsure by the way he says my name, almost as if he’s questioning if I’m even home.
The clicks and clacks from his heels commence, growing louder as he crosses the few steps toward the opening to the living room.Before another word comes out of his mouth, he scans the room, taking note of everything out of place. He swallows a lump in his throat and I might have heard it if my thumping pulse wasn’t so loud.
“How—how was your day?” he asks. I was sure he’d ask me if I’m feeling okay or if something happened while he was gone.
“Wonderful. I’ve been sitting right here, reading for most of the day. How was your day?” I close the magazine and place it next to me on the sofa.
“Terrible,” we say at the same time. I knew that’s what he would say.
“Every day is terrible now.” I grimace. “Otto, I’m not sure what to say about your job, but I want to finish taking my classes to become a certified nurse. I can’t just sit around all day like this.”
Otto takes in a deep breath and releases the air slowly through pursed lips. “Okay, I understand.”
I don’t think he does.
“There’s a bus station down near the grocery store. I can switch buses at Rangierbahnhof and take the city center bus from there to Munich. It will take me over an hour to get to and from the university, so I won’t be home until late, but it’s what I want to do.”
Otto’s chest expands and he holds the air in his lungs for as long as it takes him to think of his next thought. “What will we eat for dinner? Who will do the shopping? Take care of the house?” I’d like to tell him to hire someone, but we can’t afford to do that. “In fact, I was going to tell you tonight that we’re having guests over tomorrow night, and I need everything to?—”
“You need everything to what? Look perfect?” I finish the statement.
“My parents and uncle will be joining us, as well as the Schmitts, Deckers, and Fishers.”
“A party of eleven with no warning?” I add. “What for? What are you celebrating, Otto? Your misery?”
“I just found out about the gathering today.”
I drop my feet off the coffee table and jump up, trying to take a breath before steam comes out of my ears.
“No, no, you didn’t,” I snap, turning to find Otto just a footstep behind me. “Ingrid told me a week ago, and if you repeat that to Karl?—”
“Emilie, threats aren’t necessary, please.”
“Can you not see that you’re treating me like an unpaid maid. Otto, I’m your wife, and you seem to have forgotten that minor detail.”
