I almost giggle, but the grave stare in Danner’s eyes steals every bit of happiness I was feeling just a second ago. “I’ve never seen you so look so upset,” I tell him.
“I’m scared,” he says, fear obvious within the croaks of his words. “The Führer hates Jewish people, and for that reason, I’m thankful I wasn’t one of the many kicked out of school today, but the empty seats around me are a reminder that I’m no different to those kids and it might not be long before I’m one of them. I feel like there’s a red flashing light on the top of my head. It’s no secret I’m Jewish. It never has been, and I can’t hide. I walked home before the rest of you today so you wouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable walking with me. It’s not fair to do that to you four. This is my problem, not yours.”
I twist my position on the sofa to face Danner and grab his arm with both hands. “Don’t ever say that again,” I scold him. “You’re an amazing person and no one should ever make you think otherwise. We’re all different, and the person you are is what makes me want to spend all my free time with you. So,I need you to promise me you’ll never change. Promise you’ll always be the Danner we love.”
Danner’s bottom lip quivers and the despair riddled between his eyes breaks my heart. “But why? I don’t even want to spend all my spare time with me,” he says breaking through his visible pain with a small laugh. “Maybe I should be the one checking on you right now.”
“Stop it,” I say, shaking his arm. “You’re bigger than this. You’re better than the foolish regulations being imposed. The government is made up of mindless circus monkeys.” I squeeze my hand firmer around his arm and lean forward to kiss him on the cheek, realizing it’s the first time I’ve done that since exchanging our confessions a few days ago. My heart flutters and my stomach tightens as I think about my lips touching his cheek.
His face brightens with a scarlet hue and he pushes his sleeves up. “Emi,” he chuckles. “You really have a way with your words.”
I’m not sure it was my words that made him turn red, because mine feel like they might be on fire.
It takes me a moment to redirect my thoughts and pick up from where I left off with my comical lecture. “Well, in any case, no one, especially a mindless circus monkey will tell me who is important and who isn’t. Especially a monkey with an awful mustache who screams at the top of his lungs just to speak.”
Danner presses his hand over his eyes and laughs again. “A circus monkey?” he questions.
“I suppose that comparison is offensive to circus monkeys. But he does sound like one when he’s shouting so loudly, doesn’t he?” We both laugh so hard my stomach hurts by the time I need to stop so I can breathe.
“God, I’m not sure what I’d do without you,” he says.
“You don’t have to worry about that. And the others feel the same way. We’re not going anywhere without you. Even Frau Berger wanted to share some of the apple fritter she made.”
I never lie to my friends, but this time, it feels necessary to protect his heart.
SEVEN
EMILIE
FEBRUARY 1942
Dachau, Germany
I gaze at the kitchen clock’s mahogany frame with its golden rings centered around the Roman numerals and scrollwork on the minute and hour hands. The pendulum’s sway hypnotizes me, accentuating the depths of my thoughts. I’ve exhausted myself with house chores, and boredom creeps in. The house is clean, clothes ironed, and meals prepared.
As if the world knows I need an interruption, a startling thunk thunk rattles the front door, jolting me from my seat. I’ve met some of the neighbors but aside from Ingrid, I wouldn’t imagine the others just popping by.
I adjust my apron on the way to the door, and through the rippled glass spot two figures. Alone in this house, would anyone hear me if I needed help?
I shake my head and take in a breath before opening the door a crack to peek outside.
“Mama! Gerty! What are you doing here?” I thrust open the door and jump into their arms, feeling as though I haven’t seen or spoken to them in months. It’s been just over a week.
“Well,” Mama speaks first. “You sent us both letters on the first day you were living here, confessing your homesickness. So, we thought we should pay you a visit.”
“I was going to visit sooner, but your mother told me newlyweds need a bit of space,” Gerty says, tapping her thumb and fingers together in mockery of Mama.
“Your husband agreed with me as well,” Mama defends herself to Gerty.
“Calvin did say I wouldn’t want to walk into anything… There’s nothing quite like being a newlywed.” Gerty sighs and stares up at the ceiling.
I blush at the topic, and in front of my mother of all people. “Oh, goodness. Otto is at work all day. I’ve been doing a lot of cooking, cleaning, and studying my books. You certainly aren’t interrupting much. Come in!”
I wave them both into the house, thrilled to have familiar company, especially Mama and my Gerty.
“I smell dumplings and stewed apples,” Mama says, donning a proud smile and placing her hand over her heart. “I’m so proud.”
I hold on to the smile from the excitement of seeing them, but I’d much rather Mama be proud of me for something more complicated than making dinner and keeping a house clean.
