“They’re caring for the liberated,” Gerty says. “The Americans are taking care of them.”
“I don’t even know if he survived. I can’t sit here and wait this out. I need to know,” I say, running out of breath.
Gerty grabs my arm and pulls me over to the kitchen table, shoving me down into a seat. “Calm down,” she says, pointing at me. “If he’s alive, he’s under care. If he’s not—” Gerty closes her eyes and wraps her hand around her throat. “We can’t change that, Emi.”
As I go to argue, the radio crackles.
This just in:
Just ten days ago, members of the U.S. Army uncovered forty railway cars filled with human remains.
In the following days, U.S. soldiers interviewed many residents of Dachau, inquiring about their knowledge of what was taking place within steps of their homes. The general response was: “What could we do?”
At this time, the U.S. Army has requested all residents of Dachau to report to the Dachau prison camp to assist in reparations of the deceased.
I keel forward, clutching my stomach, feeling an acidic burn rise to my throat. “I lived there. I knew,” I utter.
“You tried to help,” Gerty says.
I shake my head. “It wasn’t enough. I should have done more. I should have?—”
“You would have been killed, had you done anything differently,” Mama says.
“What if Danner is?—”
“Emilie, you can’t assume…” Gerty says, wrapping her arm around me. I can do more than assume. The only hope I had that he would remain alive was Dietrich’s word, and he was executed.
“I need to go,” I tell them.
“Emilie, you cannot go back there,” Papa says, making his way into the kitchen, blocking me inside with Gerty, Mama, and Theo.
My blood boils, knowing I can’t sit here any longer. “I’m going.”
“Emilie, please, think about this…” Mama says.
“You know that’s all I have been doing,” I say, standing from my seat. “Let me by, Papa.”
“You’re not going there alone,” he says. “Give me a minute. I’ll take you.”
“Andreas,” Mama shouts. “What are you doing?”
“We aren’t going to stop her. So, I’m going with her.” Papa steps out of the doorway and leaves the house.
Without a second thought, I give Mama a hug, feeling her heart pound against mine, chest to chest. “Please,” she cries once more.
“I love you, Mama. You’ve raised me to do what’s right. This is what’s right. Danner could be there.” He could be a body among the thousands found. He could be one of the many who were sent marching away from the camp days before liberation,he could be in a hospital bed, or he could be a handful of ashes left behind.
I give Gerty a hug and wipe away a falling tear. “I wish you still had your crystal ball,” I cry out.
“I wish it had worked, if I did,” she says.
Papa collected Felix and Herr Weber to join us. I haven’t had much to say to Felix over the years after learning he was hiding Danner in his home, keeping his existence a secret from us all. He confessed to his error in exposing his whereabouts to a friend, which led to his arrest. I know Felix punishes himself for the decisions he’s made. We can all take blame.
“I know you hate me,” Felix says, sitting beside me in the back seat of Papa’s car.
I turn my head to stare out the window, unable to respond. I don’t hate him, no more than I hate myself.
“He was my best friend too, and I would never wish for any of what happened.”
