I watch in awe as Nancy seamlessly sets up the bag of blood while holding a steady conversation with Benjamin, even though he isn’t alert. Maybe someday I won’t be faking my calmness, or I’ll become as good as she is at keeping that secret to myself.
“Look at that, those perky lips of yours are already turning a delightful shade of pink again. I believe you are going to be just fine, Corporal.”
“You’re a natural,” I tell Nancy.
“And you,” she says, turning around to place her hands on her hips. “Go clean up. Then I want to hear about the reason for those tired bags beneath your gorgeous eyes.” I roll my “gorgeous” eyes at her and head across the room toward the sink.
Either I’m taking too long to scrub my hands or Nancy is more concerned than she lets on.
“Lizzie, what’s going on? You don’t look right today.” She isn’t talking to me as a comrade anymore, just as the older, wiser figure many of us desperately need. We’ve gotten good at calling each other by rank when appropriate and by name when there’s a minute to squeeze in a personal conversation.
“Oh, I’m just fine,” I say, spewing yet another lie.
“I’ve only known you less than two weeks, but you look tired. Are you feeling all right?”
“It’s the exhaustion, I’m sure. I keep waking up at zero three hundred hours, thinking it’s time to get moving. My mental alarm clock is out of whack.”
A small smile perks to one side of Nancy’s lips. “I have a daughter who is about five years older than you, and do you know I got so good at detecting what her mood changes meant, I sometimes knew what was going on before she did?”
Mom was like that with me. She would always tell me that my emotions were so colorful anyone could see them from miles away. Yet, I do what I can to hide every emotion running through my head, knowing personal struggles do not have a place here in the trenches of war.
“She sounds like a lucky daughter to have you for a mom,” I say.
“Was,” Nancy says, taking my breath away. “She got sick, and we thought it was influenza, but it turned out she had a large tumor no one knew about. By the time we found out what was going on, it was too late. We lost her a few weeks after she got sick. Some nurse I am, huh?”
“You can’t blame yourself,” I scold her. I shouldn’t be quick to reprimand when I spent years blaming myself from Mom’s death, and there was no truth to the reasons I had, but it allowed me to be angry at myself rather than deal with the grief. “I understand, Nancy. My mom died seven years ago. Sometimes it feels better to take the blame.”
Nancy pulls in a sharp breath and straightens her shoulders. “I think I know why we are both here, Lizzie.”
“Me too.”
“I also think you look tired because you haven’t heard from Everett, and I can only assume you were listening to the radio with the others this morning as news broke about allies stepping into Italy.”
It’s as if she took the thoughts directly from my mind and read them like a type-written story.
“He isn’t here. At least I don’t think he is, but something doesn’t feel right. After the attack on Pearl, I didn’t know where he was for a day. It felt like a month, though. But now, not hearing from him for two months is killing me. I’m not sure how much more my heart can take, Nancy.”
Nancy wraps her hand around my chin and lifts my face to meet her eyes. Her short coppery hair and matching bright eyes offer so much warmth. “You are more than strong enough to keep going, and your strength is likely keeping him safe. Let’s imagine that he is doing what he loves; flying through the clouds and sending you dozens of letters that just aren’t moving nearly as fast as he is. The likelihood of that situation is far more believable than the worst-case scenario.”
My face fills with warmth and my throat tightens while I take in the words I desperately needed to hear, but the moment is over as quickly as it began when I spot movement over Nancy’s shoulder. Benjamin is squirming and groaning with pain.
“He needs morphine. Let’s make him more comfortable by reducing the pain,” I tell Nancy while racing back to Benjamin’s bedside.
38
Current Day – October 2018
This day has goneby in a flash, just as the rest. The sun rises and sets again and again. But when the sun dips below the horizon, I will say goodnight to my life until tomorrow because it’s too hard on my old eyes to see in the dark.
“Sweetheart, everyone is here. Can I help you downstairs?” Keiki asks.
I glance down to my wrist where my watch should be, but I only find smudged, brown age spots splattered across my pale skin. “Keiki, shouldn’t you be off duty now? Your family must miss you, being gone all day.”
Keiki takes my hand and helps me up from my porch seat. “My family is downstairs,” she explains.
I look up into her dark enchanting eyes, finding a reciprocating look of wonder. “What a wonderful idea—to invite your family over, too. Well, I should have thought of that. The more the merrier, of course.”
Keiki presses her lips together into a tight-lipped smile. “Come on, sweetheart.”
