When she moves out of my direct line of sight, I see Dad standing in front of me, paler than a ghost, and disheveled like I’ve never seen. A man who only shows emotion through his eyes is quivering at the chin. His chest lurches as a heavy sob bellows between us. He reaches for me and yanks me to him with what must be all the remaining strength in his body.
“My baby,” he cries. “I thought I lost you today. I thought I lost you, Elizabeth. I can’t lose you. Do you understand? I can’t lose you.”
“I heard your name echoing through the halls today, confirming your status, but I didn’t know where you were,” I reply.
He’s holding me so tightly I’m having trouble breathing, forcing me to cough up the putrid taste of what I assume gasoline fumes, oil residue, and gun powder taste like. Dad presses his hands down onto my shoulders and pushes me back a step.
“Have you been assisting all day?”
“Yes, I was at the Solace until noon, then evacuated to the hospital. They needed help.”
There’s a look in his eyes, not of anger, frustration, or grief. The expression doesn’t match the darkness of our environment. He’s blacking the world out, focusing on just me.
“She would be so proud of you right now,” he mutters. “I see so much of your mother in you and she is living through your eyes today, Elizabeth. You are everything she dreamed you would be.”
I will not cry. I will not give my tears to the enemy. Words are weaker than actions. They are only sounds. I have her strength. That’s what he sees. I swallow the lump in my throat and stare straight back into Dad’s eyes.
“Mom carved a path I couldn’t ignore.” Dad brings me back in against his chest again, holding the palm of his hand behind my head. “Where are James and Lewis?”
“They’re safe,” Dad says. “They’ve been searching for you all day too. No one knew where you were.”
I nod through his tight hold. “I’m thankful you’re okay. I knew you would be,” I say.
“I didn’t—I wasn’t sure of anything today,” he says.
I pull away from his embrace and inhale sharply, pushing away the stabbing pain in my chest. “I have a lot of patients waiting on me.”
“I don’t want to keep you.” Dad runs his hands over his chin, staring past me for a moment. “Elizabeth, I don’t want you to go home tonight. I’m not sure when I will be off duty, or your brothers. Will you stay here? I believe it’s safest.”
“Yes, Dad.”
“I love you, Elizabeth—with all my heart and soul.” Dad reaches for my neck and slips the necklace chain out from beneath my collar. “I was wrong. Wear this as a symbol of who you are. Be proud. It isn’t time to hide. It’s time to rise above the ashes.”
When the necklace hits the outside of my collar, I clutch my hand over the gold star, holding it as if it has the power to make everything better.
“I love you too, Dad.”
He’s still staring at me as if he has something left to say but can’t find the words. I’m afraid of whatever secrets are hiding behind his half-lidded, tired eyes.
“Have you heard anything about Everett’s status?”
Dad’s head bows, breaking his eye contact with me. “Elizabeth, I—I’m—”
“Nurse Elizabeth, cot four in unit two is bleeding out,” someone shouts.
“Go take care of your patient. Everything will be okay. You must stay focused right now. Their lives depend on it,” he says, pointing toward the curtain behind me.
“Dad?”
While holding a truth that could break my world into a million pieces, he walks away as I hear my name once again. I’m left with Mom’s words, “My life matters less.” It’s a painful strike of the chords in my heart.
23
December 1941
How canI sleep knowing today will become a yesterday I will want to forget—a yesterday that holds a goodbye I will need to hold on to forever?
I know why Dad ran off without offering a response about Everett. He mustn’t think I’ve forgotten his logic for dealing with a situation such as this.
