Keegan’s tears.
I shuddered and took in a deep breath as I unfolded the paper with trembling fingers. I closed my eyes for a moment, wishing the note explained how he pulled off this prank and why he chose to fool me like this.
When my eyes opened, I came to terms with my reality.
Baby, August,
Doll, you know you are my love. You are my best friend. You have been with me since we were kids, and I don’t know what I would have done without you all that time. That’s the part that’s so selfish right now because I’m forcing you to figure out how to live without me.
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m just no good here, causing you grief, heartache, and worry. You know I want the world for you, and I know you would never leave me despite your threats, but it isn’t because you love me, August. I remember our love. Boy, do I remember our crazy love.
But, your love for me turned into pity, sympathy, and sorrow. I have been destroying your happiness one day at a time, eating it up and spitting it out.
I tried, Auggie; I tried so damn hard. You must believe me.
This sickness is stronger than I am, and I can’t do it anymore.
I’m better off up there with my ma, watching over you, making sure your life is the way it should be. I’m sorry if this doesn’t make any sense to you, and I know suicide is a selfish act, but I can’t fathom the thought of putting you through any more of my problems.
Auggie, I want you to find a man, a real man, a strong one, not like me. I want you to find someone who makes you smile the way you used to when we were kids. Someone who takes care of you the way you take care of them. You want babies, and I want you to have little Auggie babies with dark hair and baby blue eyes just like yours.
I said goodbye while you were asleep this morning. I told you I love you. I do love you. I will love you even after I leave this world behind. You changed my soul, and that will stay with me forever, baby.
Don’t be sad.
Be happy that I’m not suffering now.
Love,
Keegan
I sniffle once and crumple the paper in my hand. “You’re a coward, Keegan. A damn coward. You hear me?” I don’t care who hears me shouting. I don’t care if Keegan can hear me or not. I won’t let him do this to me. “This wasn’t selfless. You could have gotten help. You chose not to. You chose to go to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and call it a day—thinking it was enough, but you were sick, Keegan, and you needed more help than a meeting. You did this, and I don’t feel sorry for you. I feel sad for you. You lost out on your life.”
I swallow hard and drop the note back down to the table.
My thumb sweeps across the keypad of my phone and 9-1-1 appears on the display. My hand shakes as I press the phone to my ear.
“9-1-1, what is your emergency?”
“My boyfriend was a damn coward and swallowed a lot of pills. He’s dead.”
Chapter Three
Chance
I hopoff the last rung of the ladder and unhinge the locks, yanking the rails down. It’s not supposed to rain for another hour, but the dark clouds are looking a bit ominous, which should make Mrs. Dunn crabbier than she already is.
The second I slide the ladder into my pickup, the metal storm door of this nineteen-sixties ranch, slams so hard it sounds like the hinge must have rusted out at some point over the last thirty years, just like the roof that has needed replacing for at least ten.
“Mr. Miller,” she calls out, waving a dish towel at me as if I was on fire. “Hold on now.”
“Yes, Mrs. Dunn. What can I do for you?”
As she makes her way over to my truck, she spins around on the heels of her pink slide-on slippers and stares up at the roof of her house. “Does that look more like Cedar Falls than Adobe Sunset?”
Dear God. Give it up, old lady. “No, ma’am, that there is Adobe Sunset.” I don’t have any of the packaging left with me because I had a debris pick up a few hours ago and the rest of the shingles won’t be here until the morning.
“I did ask for Adobe Sunset, didn’t I?”
