"No," I argue.
"Well, too late. I’m distracted," Mom says from the entryway of the kitchen. "I knew Brett was the one for you." Mom is smiling. A real smile, and I feel like I need to set her expectations because ... seriously, it was one kiss, not a proposal. But she’s smiling.
"Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves. I might want to go out on a date with the guy first before we plan a wedding date," I say, trying to make light of the topic.
"Of course," Mom says, winking at Journey.
"Let’s not start talking about this around town, Mom, okay?" I need to at least say this. Before Dad got sick, Mom was known to be the gossip queen of this town.
"Oh, who will I tell, Melody?"
Journey and I give her the same look. "I will keep this to myself, girls. Thank you," she says, pointedly. "This means Ace left, right?"
"I kicked him out of the house, so he’s as gone as I can make him.”
"Thank goodness." Although, I’m willing to bet he’s still sitting on the curb outside waiting for his damn Uber in a town with no Uber drivers.
"We should start dress shopping, you know, for fun," Mom gushes.
I push away from the kitchen table. "I’m going to take a shower and pretend you didn’t just say what you did.”
"Oh, imagine—Elizabeth and I can be in-laws. How nice would it be for our family to become one?"
"Okay, Mom, while I’m enjoying the sight of Melody squirming at your words, you should set your expectations a little lower for the moment. She just kicked her ex out of the house, and the kiss was probably a diverting moment in her life right now."
I don’t need to dissect Journey’s words to understand what she’s saying, but it isn’t like I kissed some random guy on the street either. I have two diaries worth of love poems written to Brett hidden beneath my bed between the ages of fourteen and seventeen. In any case, if it brings Mom down a notch, I’ll let those words sink into her head.
"I know, I know, but I think it’s sweet you two have rekindled your crush after all these years."
"Shower. I am going to take a shower. Now.” I walk toward hallway, hoping for the conversation to end.
"Well, they say a cold shower is a perfect remedy for steamy thoughts," Mom ends ourconversation withmortifying words a daughter shouldn’t have to hear from her mother.
I had to walk out. I could not respond. I don’t even know who this woman is at the moment, talking that way.
Steamy thoughts.
Of Brett.
My God.
One thing at a time.
Maybe I do need a cold shower.
20
After readingone of my old poems, I toss my childhood diary back into a box beneath my bed. I had it bad for Brett, but I couldn’t find the courage to say hi. We grew up together, seeing each other at random times throughout the years, and though we would speak in earlier years, there came a time when I could no longer find the words to talk to him. My heart ached, and my mind raced. I felt the need to hide because a simple hello felt out of reach. Now, I wonder how my inexperienced world felt such a strong pull toward him as if I knew we belonged somehow.
I grab the bourbon book I took from the shop and place it in my bag, preparing for the day. I’ve been reading a little each night as if I’m studying for a semester exam. I don’t know if I’m taking in all the knowledge by just reading the words, but I’m trying.
Mom has already left by the time I find my way downstairs. She had an appointment scheduled for early this morning but didn’t say what for. Journey went back to her apartment, and it’s the first time in weeks this house feels empty.
It doesn’t make me want to hang around.
With my coat and keys, I lock up the house and walk into a tundra. The sky is gray; the clouds are low, and I can smell snow in the air. I sprint to the truck, needing a blast of heat from the radiator. I turn the keys, hearing the dreadful clicking sound of a dead battery. This truck is old, and Dad had replaced every part of this hunk of metal a million times over the past twelve years because he refused to trade it in.
I try the tricks he used to get it to start, but beyond pressing the gas a few times and trying the ignition again and again, I don’t think there is much I can do to start the truck.
