My legs felt like heavy weights as I trudged up the stairs to my apartment. I opened the door and lamented, "I give up, Mama. No one wants to hear me out."
I tossed my briefcase by the coat hook and walked into the television room, finding Mama resting. I was thankful she listened for a change and decided to take a rest.
"Mama?" I walked over to the cot where she was resting comfortably. Iwassurprised to see her sleeping in the middle of the day. Naps were not her thing. I nudged her shoulder, shaking her subtly. "Mama." She didn't budge. I rested my hand on her cheek, feeling the dreaded ice-cold sensation. "Mama!" My mouth was numb, but I was yelling so loudly the neighbors must have heard. "Wake up, Mama. We have just a week left until your doctor's appointment. Mama!"
It was no use. I stared at my mother's lifeless body, wishing I was there with her when she took her last breath, but instead, I was trying to convince an auditorium that I was a good Nazi instead of being a good son. "I am so sorry, Mama. I should have been here."
I ran for the phone and called for Claude. Juliette answered: "The Taylor residence."
"Juliette," I groaned.
"Charlie, what is it? Are you all right?"
"Mama," is all I could manage to say.
"Oh, no, no, no. Charlie. Speak to me."
"She's gone, Juliette."
"But the doctor's appointment is next week," she cried.
"It's too late," I breathed into the phone, wrapping the cord tightly around my wrist.
"I'm going to go get Claude at work, and we will be there as soon as we can." I heard what Juliette was saying, but I couldn't find the words to speak. "Charlie?"
I glanced down and shook my head, trying to collect my thoughts. "I need to call the hospital. I don't know what to do—"
"Go on, call the hospital. We'll find you, Charlie. Be strong. We will be there as soon as we can. I love you."
Regret. So much regret. It's all I felt at that moment. I pulled a kitchen chair up to her bedside and took Mama's heavy hand, holding it in mine. "I'm here, Mama. I'll always be with you."Like I hadn't been.
As I lowered my head to our entangled hands, I spotted a note tucked under a fold in the sheet. I gently placed Mama's hand back down and took the note.
My Dearest Charlie,
Sometimes in life, we just know when it's time. Sometimes, we know when it's not the right time. I wish I had longer with you, but your Papa—he has been calling for me. I was tired, Charlie, and I have held onto this note since I arrived here in New York, thinking each time I rested might be the last time I would close my eyes. My sohn, you have been my greatest joy in life, and though the world was not a friendly place for many of our years together, I learned how great your heart and soul is and will forever be. You have taught me more about life than I could have imagined knowing.
In my left hand is the ring your father gave me when he asked for my hand in marriage. Charlie, take the ring and give it to the person who makes your world feel complete. I also ask that you never give up on your dream, because you deserve more than you give yourself credit for. A mother's intuition is stronger than most might think. Remember that. Therefore, I know there will be a time when your life will be exactly the way you want.
Tell Claude, Juliette, and Penny I love them dearly, and if you get the chance to be with your Amelia, please tell her I love her too.
My sohn, my greatest accomplishment, my world, my reason for life—I will always watch over you and I will be listening if you ever need me.
Es wird am ende in ordnung sein;It will all be all right in the end.
I will love you for always,
Mama
My heart raced as I placed the note down on top of the white sheets and reached for her left hand. The ring fell into my palm as soon as I lifted her wrist. The ring was all I had left of my family.
I placed a kiss on my Mama's cheek and made the call to the hospital. They were going to send help.
Though her time of death was called, and she was taken to the morgue, I felt the need to sit in the lobby of the hospital, needing that time to contemplate my life. It was hard to convince myself that Mama's death was not my fault. I should have pleaded with the doctor to see her sooner than the following week, but they did not give me that option.I thought we had more time.
It was dusk when Claude and Juliette arrived. They needed to find someone to watch Penny, and then make the trip out to the city from Connecticut. They both wrapped their arms around me and cried into my shoulders. The tears were still frozen within me. I realized I had not cried, and I wondered why I wasn't capable of that emotion. Then the possible explanation hit me; Mama was fortunate enough to die peacefully in her bed. With all the ways she could have died over the years, she was lucky to go the way she did, and it was a reason to feel grateful.
"She's with your papa now," Claude tried to comfort me.
