"You are on a path of destruction," Claude accused me. "I can't have you destroying our lives too. Do you see what you're doing? You're pulling us down with you."
That was probably the most hurtful conversation I had with Claude. Hearing the "we" and "us" in every conversation made me feel a little smaller and a little more insignificant to his life. "What more can I do other than apologize?"
"You'll have to find us a new place to live now, ja?"
I took my coat from the hook set behind Claude's back. "I will find a new apartment, and I will be responsible for moving our belongings. Stay indoors and keep Juliette safe."
Claude didn't argue with my propositions. He stood back and allowed me to walk out the door. I took the stairs two at a time, feeling the anger work up inside of me, knowing I would have to fight through the crowd without getting attacked.
If Amelia was to have walked by, I could only imagine the panic she would feel, seeing the signs, assuming a Nazi was living within the building.
I was a Nazi. She might have felt that way about me.
"That's him," a voice shouted, and a finger pointed in my direction.
"Get out of our building, you murderer!" another yelled. "We don't want your kind."
"I am not a murderer," I fought back. My argument was useless. What reason would they have to believe me?
"Are you a Nazi?" I didn't know who was asking the questions. There were so many people lining the sidewalk, all staring at me with hatred in their eyes.
"I was once considered a Nazi, but I do not hate any kind. I was raised to be—"
"He's a Nazi!" The shouts were endless. "Get out of here you Jew killer!"
I deserved this too.
A hand tugged on the bottom of my coat. It was a little girl, and she was staring up at me with bright hazel eyes. "Did you hurt people?" she asked sweetly. "Are you a bad man?"
"Tatiana," a woman yelled. "Tatiana!" A woman, who I assumed to be the little girl's mother, lunged at her daughter, pulling her away from me. "What did I tell you about talking to strangers?"
Tatiana dropped her teddy bear at my feet. I glanced down at the worn fuzzy animal remembering the night we were pushing the Jews onto a train when the little girl dropped her doll and I tried to help, but the fear in the mother's eyes from that night was the same as the fear in this mother's eyes today.
I will forever be seen as a killer.
I lifted the bear and reached out with it. "Madame, your daughter dropped her—"
The woman turned on her heels, ran toward me and snatched the stuffed animal from my hand. "Go back to where you came from," she said, spitting on me.
I walked away with my heart thumping in my stomach. The pain—it was back, but for a different reason this time.
Finding a new apartment for three was not going to be a simple task, mainly because I didn't know where to start looking. Street after street felt like a ten-mile uphill march by the time I fell against a wall in between two shops. I glanced around, spotting a pub that looked to be settled underground. It was hardly noon, but pubs closed late and opened early in the city. Therefore, they wouldn't think much of my patronage.
Before I knew it, I was seated at the bar, ordering the poison that made my world start spinning out of control the night before.
Chapter 33
1948
New York City, NY
It had been three months since we moved into our new apartment. The space was smaller, and we were more cramped, but Claude and Juliette were hardly home with as much as they were both working.
I didn’t complain about the quiet or loneliness, but the dark thoughts were eating me alive. Even the time of day was beginning to escape me. It was common that I would be sitting on the sofa in our living room until Juliette or Claude were to come home for the night.
The lights would flicker to life, and if it were Juliette, she would sigh, remove her keys from the lock and toss her coat onto the rack.
That night was no different.
