"This should not be about me, Claude. I am a grown man. I can handle my issues."
"I do love her, Charlie. She’s an incredible woman. I want you to be at our wedding. I want you to stand by my side, as my brother. It would mean the world to me."
"I will be by your side; I promise."
Claude’s lips pressed together and curled into a slight smile as he slapped his hand against my back. "Great. Now, tell me. How is that arm doing?"
I glance down at my tied-off sleeve. "Well, it’s gone."
Claude and I erupted into a fit of laughter. What else was there to do but laugh at our woes.
"At my last doctor’s visit, I mentioned a pain I was having in my chest. It turns out I still have some shrapnel stuck, but they can’t do much to help," Claude said. "They said it shouldn’t cause me too many issues, but I might feel the pain here and there."
"We are alive," I told him. "We should be thankful for that."
"That we are, my friend," Claude said.
The streets were quiet, which gave Claude a good view of the area. I had grown to love living in Zurich. The peacefulness was the best part. "How is my mama?" I asked.
"She is well," Claude said, without missing a beat. "She told me to slap you if you appeared to be out of line in any way. Do I have to slap you?"
"No, brother. I think I’m in line," I told him, pointing across the street to the bäckerei. "I work there now. Just like Papa."
"That’s fantastic, Charlie. I am proud of you."
"My mama told me not to fall in love with Zurich. She’s afraid of losing me like your mama lost you." Yet, Claude is looking around with wide eyes as if he is falling in love with the small village.
"I simply cannot go home to Germany. I can’t shoo away the feeling of being neglected by our country. It’s a terrible thought and feeling to have, but I can’t move on from it," I explain.
"I do understand," Claude agreed. "Other than meeting Juliette this past year, home does not feel like home—it feels like the dust has settled all over Germany. I have been telling Mama for a while now that I was planning to leave. She isn’t happy, but like your mama, she doesn’t want to hold me back from what will make me happy either."
I didn’t want to influence Claude into a decision that might not be right for him, but Zurich was a good transition for me. "I understand completely."
"Honestly, Charlie, while I came here to see you, I was hoping I would like the area. I assumed since you had been here for a while now, you must like it enough to stay."
"It is my last stop before America, so ja, it is a good place."
"I think Juliette and I might move here until we can make our way to America, as well. Would that be all right with you?"
I stopped walking and turned to face Claude. My heart felt full for the first time in a while, and I threw my arm around his neck, hugging my friend tightly. "I would be quite happy to have you nearby. We’re brothers, Claude. I always want you around. We can travel together, make peace in our lives, and do good things."
"Ja, that is what I want, Charlie. Annika had already told Mama that she planned to leave for America as soon as possible too. I don’t see it happening, but the conversation has been alive and running for almost a year in our house. Annika and I both agreed that whoever makes it to America first, will make sure Mama comes along. She keeps hesitating, but your mama and my mama and papa are not getting any younger, ja? Mama has declined the offer every time we brought up the topic."
"I told my mama the same. I will be sending for her as soon as I am settled in America. It will be good for them."
"We deserve our freedom, don’t we, Charlie?" Claude’s question is the same one I asked myself too many times a day.
"I don’t have a good answer to your question," I answered truthfully. "However, I don’t think any answer I have would be a positive one."
"I would have to agree," Claude said.
The guilt of the war we were a part of would always feel like a scar on our foreheads. It was not something that could be forgotten or covered.
"You know, just before the soldiers were released, when the Führer ended his life, there were riots. The Russians were fast, Charlie. They came in and were ready to eradicate us all. Part of me thought I should surrender, but I was a coward and ran with the freed civilian Jews. The guilt—it’s unreal, brother."
"I suppose rotting in prison was better after all," I said, trying to lighten the conversation. But, there is no way to make this better. We will forever live with the guilt imposed on us.
"You remember Sven?" Claude asks as I open the door to the grocery store.
