"I spoke to Annika last week," Claude continued. "She told me they bring the sick Jews to a different wing of the hospital where she works. They are euthanizing them even if they have a chance to get better. Annika isn’t doing well, Charlie. She was a mess, crying, and telling me to keep strong because this is only going to get worse. Annika wanted me to tell you the same."
Claude’s sister was never very nice to me, but we were all on the same side now, fighting against what we were fighting against.
"Men," someone called out from behind. A hand slapped my back. The chair at the edge of the table was pulled out, and another soldier we had gone to school with sat down with us.
"Jonas," Claude greeted him. "Hallo, how are you?"
Jonas placed his stein down beside mine and rested his elbows on the tabletop. "It’s been a long day," he said. "I have to be back for guard duty in two hours. I’m on overnight watch this week."
"I had that last week," Claude mentioned. "The cries—"
"Ja, it’s bad," Jonas agreed. "I heard they transported over five hundred prisoners to Auschwitz today."
"That ghetto must have more space," Claude added.
Jonas’s eyes grew wide and his blonde brows furrowed. "Ach nein1. Auschwitz is no ghetto. It’s a killing center. Those transported to that location will be—" Jonas sliced his finger along his throat. "The Jews are being eradicated—some gassed, some executed, then cremated."
Claude and I stared blankly at Jonas, taking in the information I hoped was misinterpreted. It wasn’t that we weren’t aware how freely they were murdering the Jewish people, but hearing of a killing center was a much larger type of organization when it came to murder. "Why?" It’s the only word that came to mind.
"Don’t you know the Führer wants to rid all the Jews?" Jonas’s statement was matter-of-fact, but I don’t think he could have understood the meaning of his words.
"The Führer … Hitler wants to rid the world of Jewish people …" I muttered to myself.
1Oh no
Chapter 11
Current Day
"You were one of Hitler’s men, correct?" Emma continues. I feel like I’m on trial once again. These particular trials are never-ending in my life. How do I explain or prove my innocence when there is no such label for a Nazi? I am an enemy and a killer by association. In all technicality, I assisted Hitler in his plan to achieve the annihilation of the Jewish race. I have spent the last seventy-four years of my life staring back at my reflection in the mirror, calling myself a murderer, even though I did not murder anyone. I was an accomplice, and that makes me just as guilty. After all the years of forcing myself to hear the truth out loud, the pain has not lessened. I should have been murdered too, and yet here I am, walking around freely.
"You see," I tell her, leaning forward to rest my elbows on my knees. "Once I was a part of Hitler’s youth program, I was taught and bred to believe that I was being trained to protect Germany against a religious force that almost demolished our country during World War I. I was to become one of the ‘elite’ men protecting our country against another depression. If I did not continue, I was told I would be letting my family down. I would be a ‘nothing’ for the rest of my life. Essentially, I would forever be a failure. Manipulation affected me in so many ways," I try to explain.
Emma is pacing the small area in front of me, holding her fingers against her temples as if she has a headache. She may very well have a headache after hearing this confusing story. "How—but how can one man convince an entire country of lies? I don’t understand."
The answer is simple. "Power. It took Hitler ten years to gain the trust of the German people, and once he had their trust, the rest became simple for him."
Emma looks furious, but I don’t think it’s with me anymore. It’s the face of a person learning how awful this world had once been.
"So, then, when did you realize things weren’t as you were led to believe?"
I close my eyes, bringing my mind to settle on just one occasion. "It’s hard to pinpoint a specific time when I realized the world was falling apart, because I was being manipulated to think we were doing good for the world, but when I started to experience the result of all the lies, it was too late. I had absolutely no control."
Chapter 12
1942
Terezín, Czechoslovakia
Each morning, I woke up in a daze, wondering how I had gotten to be where I was. One thing was certain; I was not waking up in the comfort of my home. Since moving away from Mama and Papa, I had been moved around along with the fleet of soldiers. I was already feeling lost when I was assigned an apartment unit in the center of Terezín.
The morning I was to move into my apartment, I crossed the uneven cobblestone toward the yellowed-stone facade and walked through the double set of raised panel doors into a narrow hallway. The hickory plank flooring and white and blue peacock-feathered wallpaper offered a homey feel, though the space smelled of damp must and soiled laundry. My superior said I wouldn't be spending much time in the apartment. Therefore, reading between the lines meant I should ignore the sights and odors from my new living quarters.
I creaked up the old, thin stairwell, hearing a clamor of thuds echoing from the floor above. The thuds became booms, and then a sudden crash warned me to move away from the stairwell. As I made it to the top step, two soldiers swept through, both linking arms with a young couple. The man was fighting his way from the hold, and the woman was in tears. A sparkling wedding band was the last of what I saw of them. They were either Jewish or rebellions of the war—it was hard to tell.
As I had been doing, I shut my eyes and closed out the scene, forcing myself to move forward despite the ache in my chest. I knew all too well the future of that couple. The wedding band would be all that was left until it was taken from her.
Apartment number four would be mine.
