It's like the lights went out as soon as we stepped foot into his apartment though. I'm not sore at all, which happens after going a few months without human contact. I suppose he could be small down there, but not according to the underwear ad. Plus, I remember he said he didn't stuff, so unless he was lying, I'm sure I would feel something.
He could have fallen asleep while trying to stick it in me. I should have checked to see where the condom was.Shit.That would have answered all my questions.
I think I told him I would take the couch, so I didn't put him out in his apartment, but he insistedIput out and slept in his bed. Oh right, I said we could share the bed and remain decent, but I knew better than that.You are a smart woman, Madelyn,I tell myself. If I considered that thought before leaving the bar last night, I wouldn't be wondering what happened in the early hours of the morning.
There was more kissing in his bed, but then …
Oh, okay, it's coming back to me now.
I went down south, he stopped me after a few minutes and reached for a condom. Then …
Shit.There is no “Then …" Then, I woke up. There's a chance he didn't think I was asleep when we had sex … oh God, that's awful.
It's a good thing I didn‘t leave him my number. I can't face this guy again. I'm done drinking. No more … I'm cut off. I need to show more responsibilityand stop talking, for real. My mouth is getting me into more and more trouble.
After drying off and making myself look half human, I amble back out to the living room where Layla has her head down typing away on her computer. “In full disclosure, I was trying to find you because I think I know how to fix you, and I wanted to talk about it last night. Instead, I had to sit here thinking about it all night," she says.
“So you didn't care where I was?"
“I figured you were with the Milk-Dud. Anyway, the important thing is, I can fixyou," she repeats.
Oh, I can only imagine Layla's plan.I pull my hair back into a loose braid and grab my coat. “Dude, I'm not broken. Why would you say that?"
“No more one-night stands. You need a relationship. That's who you are, Mads. You are the girl who is always trying to find a relationship but will never offer commitment. It seems like you've given up hope over the last few years, leaving you to be a mess. This isn't you. At some point, you will regret shooting so many opportunities down."
I have my hand on the doorknob, ready to leave for work and walk away from this conversation/lecture. “First, there hasn't been an opportunity I've shot down. Just because I haven't felt a connection to anyone, and I've been focusing on my career doesn't mean I'm doing something wrong. Second, you are not one to talk. You live and breathe to find serial daters that give you one good night of sex, then you take off running," I rebuttal.
“But I've always acted like this. So, I'm not broken. I'm doing human research to find what type of sex I like the most so I can narrow the sex down to a certain kind of guy after."
“What?" I can't follow her train of thought right now. My head is pounding, and she's talking in circles.
“Never mind. Did you screw that guy last night? Have you remembered?" she asks.
“I don't know, I'm just going to put it out of my mind. We used protection, so I'm fine." At least I think we did. Plus, my once-a-month demon is due any day now, so I can scratch it all off my mind unless I get a burning sensation or an itch. I'll just cross that bridge when I get there.
“You need to go out with men, men," she says.
“Men, men? As opposed to …"
“Whatever the hell happened to you last night."
“Don't you dare set me up with one of your online dating match profile things," I tell her. Somehow, Layla gets paid to match people up, and she sucks at it, so I still don't understand how she makes money off this shit.
“You don't know what you're talking about," she argues. “It's not a dating match profile thing. There's science, bitch."
“Science?" I question. “You failed science, didn't you?"
“No, not that kind of science, Mads. Geez, cut me some slack."
“Okay, this conversation is on hold until later. I have to get back to my job that is imploding in on itself as we speak. So, if you'll excuse me while you check out half-naked men on the web, I need to gowatch Geeks Gone Wild in real life."
“Wait! I haven't told you how I'm making you unbroken."
“I thought you explained your idea? I need men, men. What else is there?"
“I started the process for you. That's what I wanted to say. You'll be going on a date tonight. Prepare yourself."
“No," I tell her. “Do not." I open the door and have a foot outside, but she continues talking.
