17
Chapter Seventeen
REESE
He won’t understanduntil it’s too late. I have felt off since the first day I made a scratch mark on the floorboard of that shed. My nightmares kept me awake at night and during the day. I was Crownwell and company’s caged pet that they used and abused. They hurt so many innocent people and all those still alive feel the way I did for those five years, or worse. They feel abandoned in their own heads, lost without any direction. How is it fair that I have shelter and water and they’re left with nothing?
But then there’s Sin, the man who I have relied on to be my hero and to save me. Now I realize it wasn’t me who needed to be saved, it was me who needed to save everyone else. Maybe I was used as a weapon to hurt others, but now I have the opportunity to correct that. Along with that, I know I can’t control myself if my condition and symptoms worsen, and Sin would be the first person I would hurt. I can’t put him in that kind of danger. Isn’t that love? It has to be because this hurts like hell.
We enter the apartment and Sin closes the door behind us, locking the deadbolt before coming closer to me. “Tell me how to change your mind,” he says again.
“I will come back for you,” I tell him. “I will.”
“Can I tie you up and hold you as my hostage?” he asks. I know it’s a joke, but I also know it’s what he wants to do.
“Sin, let me do this.”
“I’m not going to agree to you putting yourself in the hands of the Grim Reaper. It’s not happening. You can beg me all you want, but just like you don’t care about my pleas, I don’t care about yours. That’s how this is going to end. We don’t care about what each other wants. Is that how you want this to go?”
“If it has to be,” I say.
“You’re not thinking straight. That’s what this is. You’re out of your mind right now.”
“Show me how much you love me tonight, Sin. Just do that for me. Give me something good to dream about when the nightmares get too bad,” I tell him. The tearing ache in my chest is making this harder to get through than I thought. There’s no way to make him understand. I get what he’s saying and he’s right about all of it but I cannot give in this time. He’ll understand eventually. He has to.
Sin sits down on the bed, hanging his head between his shoulders. “You can’t do this to me,” he says.
“Okay,” I say.
“Okay?” he asks.
“Okay.” I made it sound too easy, but he’s taking the bait.
His hand is around my wrist, and he’s pulling me in against him, his lips traveling along my neck ferociously. He’s thanking me with his mouth as his breath whispers the words against my skin. “I love you. We’re going to make it here. It’s a new kind of life, but it can work because we have each other, you know?” His words come and go at the same speed as it takes for our clothes to hit the floor.
I feel guilty and ashamed as he shows me how much loves me, but what other option is there? “I’ll make you breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day. I’ll make you happy here, Reese.” His repetitive pleas continue as if he doesn’t believe my agreement. He knows there is no winner, but regardless of trying to force my mind somewhere else, I lose myself within his embrace and the touch of his hands on my body, as well as the way he feels inside of me. I can’t think about anything more than the warmth sprouting through me like a flower’s petals blooming. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he’s right. Maybe Icanlive each day feeling nothing but his skin against mine, forgetting my reason for being.
My body shudders, responding to his every move as a thundering wave of excitement builds within my core until it shatters me from the inside out, causing me to melt into the bed like liquid. Sin lowers himself on top of me, his lips still connected to my neck. “If I stay like this all night, you won’t be able to move,” he whispers lazily into my ear.
“You’re right,” I agree.I agree.
“I love you, Reese.”
“I love you, Sin. Forever.”
