Her eyes unclench and she looks up at me, scared—but I think it's fear that what I'm saying is true—that I won't end her life. "Then give me the gun." She grits her teeth and reaches up to take it from my hand. "Give it to me, Sin."
"I have a plan," I tell her. It's the same plan I've had since I got here. "I think I can get us out."
I hate how hope fills her eyes. I hate the possibility of her believing what I'm saying. I hate that I've convinced myself of this lousy ounce of hope. "You can't get us out," she says, taking the pistol from my hand. I grab her wrist and twist it around so the barrel is against my forehead.
"Kill me first. If you can kill me, you can do what you want to yourself, but I'm not going on without you."
"I hate you," she grunts. "I hate you, Sin."
"I'm pretty sure you told me you loved me just a couple of hours ago."
"But I hate you now, because you reminded me of how fickle love is, and how confused I must have been for the past week."
"You weren't confused. I was confused. I love you, Reese. I shouldn't love you. It's been a week. But it's like we're the last two people standing on this godforsaken earth, and when that happens, you can either love the other person or hate them. And I don't hate you. I would have shot you dead if I did. And you would have shot me by now if you in fact hated me. There is no gray area here—there's love and hate. Your actions with that pistol will define which of those two you decide upon. Do you love me or hate me?"
She drops the pistol and lowers her head back down, closing her eyes. "Asshole," she breathes.
"Hold that thought," I warn her. I take the rubbing alcohol out and pour it over her oozing wounds. Her shrieks pierce my ears, but I deserve it. I didn't warn her first. I use the last two bandages to cover the largest of the flesh wounds. "You're going to be okay." I help her sit up, and as she's up straight, she slaps me with whatever strength she must have had left. It stings like a bitch, but I deserved that too. "Do you have more clothes in your bag from my mother's closet? Your shit is all torn up."
She nods her head, looking over toward her bag that's surprisingly still intact. That's how desperate these assholes are. They'll eat flesh before looking for actual food. I go through her bag and toss a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt at her. "How much farther is it to wherever we're going?"
"I found running water about five miles away."
"Help me up," she demands. Without thinking, I scoop my hands under her arms and bring her to her feet.
"Are you steady?"
She nods, holding her head with both hands. "Yeah, I'll be okay."
"Get changed," I tell her. I reach into my bag and grab the water I pulled from the stream. "Here, drink this."
She carefully slips off her ravaged pants and shirt, revealing how many more bite marks are covering her body. Jesus. "Where did they come from?" she asks.
"They were probably following us after our encounter with Rooter. Look, I know I'm a little controlling, and in your eyes, I'm probably acting as an arrogant know-it-all, but it's only because I've been here long enough to study these people, their behavioral patterns, and the stages of starvation. I can tell you just by looking at someone how long they've been here, how long they'll survive, and when is the last time they've likely eaten."
She pulls the shirt over her head, squinting against the pain. "Is that going to happen to me? Or you?"
I shrug my shoulders because I honestly don't know. I want to say it depends on the strength of our minds, but it's like our minds become diseased when hunger fully takes over. The next stage of starvation is what she just encountered. She and I aren't there yet, and I don't know exactly what will happen when we reach that point, but I'm hoping we find food. I just haven't found much hope in that department yet. "I can lie to you and say no, but I'm going to try my hardest to stop lying to you." The thought of doing to Reese what those animals just did to her causes a pain in my stomach, but when all control is lost, I'm not sure what will happen.
