“I thought you were different,” she says. “I thought you were not my type.”
“At second glance?” I ask.
“I was wrong,” she tells me.
I turn her around and comb my fingers through her silky hair, taking in the world she showcases within her eyes. With the sun wavering through the clouds behind her, Kai looks like she’s glowing. If there are signs in life subtly pointing toward what we’re supposed to be doing or when we’re supposed to be doing it, then this all makes sense. Kai makes sense. I sweep my knuckles along her cool cheek and consider how wasted this moment would be if I didn’t move in a little closer to her.
Chapter Fourteen
Kai
How do I tell a man I’ve never experienced a real kiss? I’m twenty-eight, and while he might not know my exact age, I’m past the point of anyone assuming I’ve been solo all along. I could easily fall into Denver’s gaze and lose myself entirely, but is this supposed to be the moment I let it all go? It seems so perfect and planned, like the way I try to live my life.
“Denver,” I whisper, stopping him from moving in any closer. I’m not sure how I’ve found the strength to even speak at the moment, but I did, and he stops moving toward me. Instead, he pulls away entirely.
“I shouldn’t have assumed—” he says.
“No,” I tell him. “You assumed correctly.” He looks as confused as I feel inside, but I’m not sure where to begin my clarification. We’ve been talking. He knows the outer layer of what my life has been like, and now I know his, but there are so many more layers that can hardly be expressed with simple words. “This is going to sound really stupid.” Except he’s looking at me as if it weren’t possible for me to say anything of the sort.
“I doubt that,” he says, matching my soft tone. He runs his fingers through my hair and sweeps it over my shoulder. “What is it?”
“Taking care of my sister over the last ten years has been my only focus and priority, so I kind of let my life take a back seat, which meant no dating, no social life, nothing at all, really. I was shy in high school, and I went from being a high school student to a parental figure over the course of a summer. In a blink, it seems like I missed out on a lot of important milestones in my life, and now I’m embarrassed by it.”
Instead of looking lost, Denver seems intrigued, possibly excited, but I’m not sure he knows why he feels that way since I haven’t spilled it all out yet.
“Have you been kissed, Kai? Because if you say no, I’m going to back away right now and hope not to fall off the edge of this mountain.”
“What?” Why would he say that?
“No, I mean, if I were lucky enough to be that experience for you, a measly sunset on what feels like the top of the world wouldn’t be good enough.”
I feel a little awestruck, but appreciative too. Though I’m not sure I can think of a more appropriate place to have a first kiss, somewhere in my unanswered dreams, I’ve had the thought that it would be unexpected, surreal, and life altering. I suppose that’s what happens when you wait so long to feel something so ordinary.
“I don’t want you to think this isn’t good enough,” I tell him. “I also don’t want you to feel uncomfortable or pressured because I realize my situation isn’t the norm.”
His hands glide down the length of my arms, leaving a trail of warmth behind. “I’m jealous of you,” he says. “There are things I’d take back for a better experience. When we’re young, we don’t think like that, but when we get older, we appreciate more.” He gets me. Despite our vast differences in life situations, he seems to get it.
“I want to—” I tell him.
“It shouldn’t be predictable,” he says. “I was a little predictable, I suppose.”
Now I’m regretting not letting it happen. Denver smells like coconut and spice. I want to feel the stubble on his chin and the texture of his lips. I don’t want him to stop looking at me the way he is. “I’ve wanted to be wanted, Denver. I’ve been lonely, and I had to get used to feeling that way. Now, it’s like opening my world up to new relationship possibilities is stepping away from a type of accustomed comfort, even though I can tell it would be way better on the other side.”
Denver doesn’t say anything in response but pulls me into his chest and wraps his arms tightly around me. I feel the heaviness of his cheek rest on the top of my head. “You’re a special woman, Kai. I knew it the moment I tried to bug you.” I snicker, recalling his ridiculous attempt at flirting. “I’m not good enough for you.”
I reluctantly pull away from his embrace, looking up to his eyes, the orange glow from the sun filling the white and light specks of blues and greens. “Don’t say that. That isn’t what I meant by any of this.”
“I’ve got baggage, Kai. It’s baggage you don’t deserve to have to put up with after what you have already been through.”
I wrap my hands around his biceps, only covering about half of the circumference with my small grip. “I’m sure you’re not referring to Aya as baggage, so what else could you mean?”
He smiles, a straight line across his chiseled jaw. “I’ve been through combat. I’ve seen shit I wish I could forget, and I packed it away in a box in the back of my head. I keep it there, but it has redesigned my personality and who I am. I’m not the man I once was.”
“I don’t know the man you once were, Denver, but so far, I like the person you are today. You seem like a good guy with a heart of gold, and that little girl of yours is beyond lucky. We all have memories and nightmares on varying levels, but it’s how we deal with them that matters. Life molds us into who we are—who we’re meant to be, you know?”
Denver throws his head back and stifles a laugh. “Wait, so you’re telling me I was meant to be a waiter at Man Buns? Because seriously … I had higher goals for myself.”
I roll my eyes and sigh. “I wasn’t specifically referring to the choice of your current job, but hey, I mean, if you got it, you might as well flaunt it, right?” That sounded as fake as it felt saying it.
