Page 61 of Man Flu

For years, I couldn’t stand up for myself. I let him mentally abuse me in ways I didn’t realize. He broke me down, made me feel like nothing, and he thinks that with just a charming smile and wink of his eye, he can weasel his way back into my life when his sexy little girlfriend can’t figure out how to turn on a stove.

“I’m sorry, Hannah,” he says, turning onto his side.

Sorry, that’s funny. This man does not know the meaning of an apology. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Come here,” he says, waving me over.

I know this move too. This is where he butters me up, puts his arm around me, and asks me what’s really bothering me … as if it’s not him.

“No, get out.”

I don’t feel a thing this time—not like last time I had to say this to him. Not like when I found him and Tiana in our bedroom while Cora was eating breakfast alone downstairs. When a business trip ends a day early, and you want to surprise your husband, call first, especially if you’re married to someone like Rick. That’s what I learned. That’s what he’s taught me—to walk on eggshells and always be cautious.

Rick pushes himself up and tosses the covers to the side. “Okay.”

“I can open the door to make it easier for you.” I twist my head to the side and smile. It’s very callous of me, but he deserves to know this side of Hannah.

“You really don’t give a shit about me anymore, do you?”

“Aw, Ricky, was this a little test? Were you just trying to see how much I still care about you? Does it help you sleep better at night? You know, knowing I’m next door weeping and wallowing over the loss of our marriage? Because—,” I touch my finger to my lips since I’m trying to stop smiling, which feels unstoppable as I get this all off my chest. “That’s not what’s happening. I’m over you. I’m over us. I don’t care if you live next door or in another country. Other than our custody arrangement, you’re dead to me.”

“Shit, Hannah. Don’t stop there. Tell me what you really think.”

“Oh, I’m done. That is what I think.”

“Ouch.” He stands up from the pull-out and sighs. “I’m not going to lie and say it doesn’t hurt to hear you say that.” What is he expecting to hear from me? “Things aren’t going well with Tiana, you know.”

“What were you expecting? You’re fifteen years older than her. She can have any man she wants, and at some point, even the biggest gold-diggers figure out it isn’t always worth it in the end.”

There’s a possibility I said too much. There’s also a possibility I don’t care. Rick looks hurt—like the rug has been pulled out from beneath him, and I can’t care.

I don’t care. I actually feel a small sense of relief.

There is no part of me that should care.

I’m stronger than this.