Chapter Ten
Six Months Later
Now that I’mreally dying, I feel less emotion, less of the hurt I’m causing, less of my own pain I’m enduring. I just feel less. Romance is not important to me. Companionship will only hurt the other half. Even friendships need to be put on a permanent hold. Right now, I need to be alone with my thoughts, which is ironic, since I will likely be alone with my thoughts for an infinite amount of time if that’s how it all works. I wish I could fall asleep with this long, drawn-out image of the perfect love story, but from the first day Hunter kissed me, I knew it was to healhim, even if I felt every second of it. When there is no future to consider, it’s hard to feel a normal kind of love like people typically feel when developing a relationship, so instead I have cherished the time I’ve gotten to know Hunter and the amazing man he is and will always be. While our relationship was never about the normal things most couples need, I’ve gotten so much out of us, even if it endedquickly.
I pushed him away, so hard, but in return he pushed my brick wall down and grabbed a hold of me, refusing to let go. I made him reconnect with the woman he put aside for this heart in my body. I made him see that this heart is not meant for longevity but for memory keeping. I made him see that this heart is not tangible, therefore, it will always be here in both thoughts and memories, even if the body carrying it isgone.
Now I’m here, lying in a hospital bed on Christmas. My last Christmas. It was the day after Christmas just six years ago that I was given a second chance at life. Six years was a gift. This year, my gift is to relieve those who love me from the fears they live through day after day. Soon, there will be no more tears for my parents when the phone rings in the middle of the night. Soon they won’t have to wonder what the next doctor's appointment will bring. Soon, they will be able to slowly begin to heal and start a life without living in a constant state ofworry.
Hunter is going to get his second chance. His real second chance. He has a woman who loves him and a daughter who looks at him like he’s her world. I’m going to leave this world knowing I’m leaving behind a man who is less broken than he was, and a family that will finally have a chance to rebuild their life. It’s all I could ask for thisChristmas.
A knock on my hospital door surprises me since I wasn’t expecting Hunter and company so soon today. He mentioned they’d be here around noon and it’s only ten. Mom and Dad just left for a little while and told me they’d be back after lunch. When the door opens, the curiosity I had, turns intoshock.
“Piper?” Icroak.
“I am so mad at you, Ari. So mad at you!” she cries out, running to my side. “How couldyou?”
I smile faintly, using as much energy as I can. “I wasn’t about to ruin your fairy tale,” I tellher.
“You lied to me every time I’ve talked to you,” she argues. “Were you not planning to say goodbye to me?” She’s in tears, and she’s hugging me so tightly ithurts.
“Goodbyes are harder,” I tellher.
“That’s not for you to decide, Ari,” she cries. “That’s not fair. How much longer do youhave?”
“Should be any time now, according to the doctors,” I tellher.
“Why are you talking like you’re waiting for your cab to arrive?” She’s nearly scolding me, and I understand because I don’t expect her to understand the lack of feelings I have right now. Beyond the mind-numbing medications they are pumping through me, it’s hard to feel much else. There’s no purpose in feeling much else. I’m determined to feel nothing at all and just wait for my ride to arrive, as Piper putit.
“It’s just the way it has to be,” I tell her. “How did you findout?”
“I came home for a bit and wanted to surprise you, but found your Dad working at the shop, and he told me what was going on,” sheexplains.
“Me too,” a voice says from the door. I hardly recognize the voice but after a long second, I do know it, as well as the scent, and then hisface.
“Dax,” I say quietly. “What are you doinghere?”
“Your dad kind of has a big mouth, and then I ran into Piper, who has a bigger mouth.” His smile fades after his words end and he shakes his head with either shame or despair. The despair part is something I’m used to seeing; the shame part, I’m not. He has nothing to be ashamed of, though. I pushed him away just like I push everyone away. It’s for their sake, not mine. “Did you know it would be sosoon?”
I shrug a little. “My life has always felt more temporary than what I would have liked it to feel. I didn’t have definite answers until six months ago, but I kind of just knew, Iguess.”
He nods again. What is there to say to a girl who’s about to die? I’m used to that too, being the one who has to carry conversations to make everyone else feel more comfortable. I can’t control how I make everyone feel, but I can try to ease the pain, even if it’s only alittle.
Piper and Dax both stood side by side, staring at me for almost thirty minutes. I hate goodbyes. I hate them so much for this reason. “I’m getting a little tired,” I tell them. That seems to do the trick. Never have I been so rude, but I can’t take too many more elongatedgoodbyes.
“I’ll be back tomorrow, and the next day,and—”
“Piper,” I interrupt her. “Say goodbye.” I swallow the knot in my throat, trying to push it back where itbelongs.
“No!” she cries. “You’re not goinganywhere.”
I force a smile, not because I don’t want to smile but because it’s hard to smile. Wrapping my arms loosely around her, I hush her sobs. She has to live with this goodbye, Idon’t.
There is no telling whether I’ll be here tomorrow, but I’ve always heard you just know when your time is up. I feel it today. I’m at peace with it today. “I love you,” I tellher.
Dax helps her up and sits her down on the chair beside my bed as he switches spots with her. “Listen to me, you stubborn girl,” he says, smiling widely. “You will always be the one who got away. I have never wanted to be with someone as much as I wanted to be with you, and you will always have that too. I was angry with you for a long time after that night, and it’s taken me up until now to see how selfless you are. This hurts like hell, Ari, and God, if you had let me fall in love with you any more than I already did, I’m not sure I’d be able to make it through this right now. It’s not going to be easy, no matter what, but damn, I feel lucky to have been a part of your life, even for the short amount of time you allowed it. You’re something else.” The last of his words get caught in his throat, and it breaks through my numbing painbarrier.
“I really, really liked you, Dax. I wanted things to be different, but I’ve seen what this kind of heartbreak can do, and I refuse to put anyone through that, especially you. You know what I want fromyou?”
