Chapter Five
Filled with despair and defeat,I lock myself inside the empty flower shop and drop down against the closest counter, folding my knees into my chest and hugging myself the way I need to be hugged. As selfish as it is, I sometimes wonder if it would have been easier to die the first time around. I suffered through waiting and assuming when my last day would be, only to get some winning ticket to another ten or so years. Is the only purpose in life for people to find their mate, settle down, and stamp a big old Happily Ever After on it? Because my happy ending is just having a full life, even if a full life is not as full as mostothers.
Knowing I’m giving up on all normal things in life, I think I’ve come to realize that I need to find other ways of fulfillment. I need to do something to leave my mark in this world, and the only way I know to do that is to set things straight. I know there are some things I need to set right, while Ellie’s heart still beats withinme.
Despite the pain I caused Dax today, I can’t help thinking about the pain I also took away. This morning when I ran into Hunter, he smiled genuinely just moments after I saw his face melting with grief while he spoke to a tree. Maybe I’ve been wrong about hiding the truth from him. It’s possible he would find closure or relief, knowing where his wife’s heart went, to know it’s loved and cared for. I’ve considered the opposite outcome, though. I’ve gone back and forth so much and If I were in his shoes, I’m not sure if I would or wouldn’t want to meet the lucky person who got to keep living while the unlucky love of my life didn’t. I think I might feel the need to know, regardless of how much it would hurt. I’m not giving him that option. I haven’t given him that portion. Maybe Ishould…
I’m going to do it. I’m going to come clean and hope it helps rather than hurts. I promised Ellie before she died that I would make sure Hunter was okay, if and when she passed. I haven’t done that. I let her down, but I might have let her down more if I told Hunter earlier and he didn’t like the idea of me flaunting my possession of Ellie’s heart in front of hisface.
It’s time now. Ithink.
“Ari?” Piper says from behind me, startling me into standingup.
“What are you still doing here?” Iask.
She knots her fingers together and grins sheepishly. “My lease expired two days ago. I couldn’t renew it since I’m moving to France, and with André being gone already, I had nowhere tostay.”
“That’s ridiculous,” I tell her. “You know you can always stay with me, yougoof.”
She walks closer and places her hands on my shoulders. “Except, I was kind of hoping you were going to get laid tonight, and I didn’t want to mess that up foryou.”
I rub my palm down he side of my face and snort quietly. “That is definitely not happening tonight or anytime in the near future, so you have nothing to worryabout.”
“Wait, why? And where is Dax? Why is your date over, an hour after itbegan?”
I groan before the words hit my tongue. “He’s really into me…a little too into me. He wants a relationship, and that isn’t something I can give him, so… I endedit.”
Piper tilts her head to the side, and her forehead crunches with question. “How can you end something without abeginning?”
Like a mother never meeting her child or a young adult never experiencing adulthood or a husband never getting a chance to understand what a family is just as his daughter is born, things can most definitely end before they begin. I’ve borne witness to it too many times. “It can’t begin orend.”
Piper knows enough not to question my decisions. She understands that the way I live and that the choices I make are only to give me peace of mind so I don’t leave someone in the wind of my existence while suffering inpain.
“You’ll always have me, you know? Whether you like it ornot.”
I wrap my arms around her neck and squeeze gently. “Except, you’re moving to France and living every woman’s dream. Half of the world will be between us soon, but that’s okay. I want you to live your dream, and I want you to call me as often as you can so I can live vicariously through your romanticfairytale.
“I can do that,” she says softly. “You know, Ari, if you don’t want me to leave, I’ll stay. You just have to say the word. You’re my best friend and you come before any guy. Even a French guy with the most beautiful accent who lives in a villa across from avineyard.”
We both laugh, knowing I would never hold her back from that. “Don’t becrazy.”
“Will you come visit?” sheasks.
“If I get a clean bill of health during my next check-up, I might consider the possibility. I have always wanted to go toFrance.”
She embraces me again. “I’m going to miss you somuch.”
“Me too. But lucky for us, we get to have a sleepover tonight and tomorrow night—one last girl’s night hurrah before youleave.”
Piper doesn’t appear to be listening to the last of my statements and instead, perks up with a concerned look. “Do you see that?” she asks in awhisper.
“Seewhat?”
“The man staring into thewindow?”
I look toward the window, and I see a man with his hands cupped around his eyes, looking in through theglass.
“It’s seven,” Piper says. “That’sodd.”
