"But I loved that you didn't act that way," I try to fix what I said, but I can see he’s not letting go of this.
"Because my life was stolen."
I need to stop talking.
"I should leave," I tell him, but I still don’t want to. I’d rather stay with him. I want to fall asleep with my head on his chest again, but not because I'm worried his heart is going to stop or that he’s going to take his last breath. I just want to be in the safety of his arms, but I know now, this isn’t just about me. I have to handle this appropriately. It’s the right thing to do.
"You should," he says without much emotion.He must feel the same way.
I stand up from the chair and grab my purse from the orange Berber carpet. "I'll do some more snooping tomorrow. Hopefully, I can find something more." I pause for a moment before I open the door. "Oh, sorry I cock-blocked you tonight," I add in.
He's grinning at me, enjoying this way more than I am. "You did do that, huh?"
"I was trying to save you from a disease," I tell him. "I care…you know?” With nothing more than the continuation of his cocky smile, I find the urge to leave while I'm ahead.
"Oh, hey, take these papers. You should keep them in your possession, just in case." He leans over to the floor, scooping up the scattered pile and holds them out to me.
Shit. I was so close to not looking back. He's making this hard, but I can control my feelings. I have to. Retracing my steps back over to him, my fingers hardly make contact with the papers when Raine's other hand locks around my wrist and pulls me down onto the bed.
The papers go flying as he maneuvers me into the spot he was just lying in. My heart is in my throat, and I‘m struggling to breathe. In a matter of seconds, I'm on my back, and he's on top of me, hovering with a wicked gleam. My body aches for him—I need this—him.
Raine stares deeply into my eyes for a long minute before diving down, crushing his lips against mine. His hand gently cradles the sides of my face before aggressively tangling his fingers in my hair. The combination of caution and heat is making it hard to breathe, and our lips have only been connected for a few seconds.
The world around me turns into a blur as our clothes somehow melt from our bodies, dripping off the bed and onto the floor. The sheets float up above us and drape us in a warm, safe place. "You were the best I ever had," I tell him breathlessly.
"That's a sad statement," he mutters against my ear. "Your first time is supposed to be the worst."
"I know," I utter.
He lifts his face away from mine, looking at me with lust. "Let me show you what it's supposed to be like," he says.
"I was hoping you'd say that," I tell him, tracing my fingers over the intricate artwork covering his molded chest. His skin is hot but covered with goosebumps at the same time. I want to touch every inch of him, needing the sensation to burn into my skin and memory.
I reach down for his ass and squeeze without so much as making an indentation. He's almost too much to take in. As I continue to explore his body, remembering it being half of this size the last time we were together like this, his lips wrap around my nipple, and his teeth clamp down, causing just enough pain to make me hurt everywhere but where the intended pain should be. My body arches toward him as if instinctual, and his mouth feathers down to my core, fooling my body into thinking he's already inside of me.
Raine's face slips between my legs, and his hands squeeze tightly around my thighs as he forcefully creates more space. His tongue casts into me, pulsating and dancing, and moans escape my throat as I lose control. The pressure from his tight grip around my thighs and the speed of his flickering tongue have stolen my breath and jump-started my pulse. If I had a heart attack and died right here, I'd be okay with that. “Oh my God...Raine...” Needing something to hold onto, I tug at his hair, pushing him down further, holding him in place.
Just as I think I can't take anymore, he pulls away and runs his warm hand over the spot where his mouth just was. "Not yet," he says. There is nothing left about this act that's gentle, and it's exactly what I need. His hand, now wet from my excitement, travels up the center of my body until his fingers meet my lips, forcing me to become intimate with myself in a way I never expected to find arousing. But everything about this moment is brutally hot.
Raine reaches across the bed, where one of his pant legs is draped over the side. He retrieves a condom and tears the wrapper apart with his teeth as he slips the rubber on faster than I thought any man could be capable of.
Falling back into me, his mouth nips at my earlobe as his hands hold my hips steady. As I brace for what I can barely remember, I'm almost shocked when he presses himself inside of me. His thickness isn't something I recall, but it's been a while, and I'm beginning to question every memory, or lack thereof, that I have with this man. My earlier memories of intimacy with Raine were those of a girl. Being with him now, as a woman, is an entirely different experience, definitely better than I expected.
He isn't careful or concerned about hurting me like he was our first time. Treating me like I can take what he's giving, he uses a strength I desire and force I want more of. “Holy shit,” he grunts.
With almost direct aim, he hits a spot deep inside of me, over and over again, making me shudder against his weight. I press my fingernails into his back, pulling him in further, needing every inch of our skin to connect in some way. “I think I might—Raine, oh my...I—”
“Finish for me...I want to watch you release.” His words are too much; the gravelly sound of his voice is like a feather lightly brushing against my sweet spot.
Sweat beads between us then trickles down my stomach, inflaming every sensation firing through me, and in the last moments of holding onto a pleasure that I know can't possibly last, Raine’s eyes and his hard stare blaze right into mine, watching me like he said he wanted to. Looking at me the way he is, I have trouble holding my focus as I completely unravel for him.
He knows I've come to an end when my moans turn into soft, breathless gasps for air, and he pumps into me a few more times through heavy, erratic breaths before his body collapses on top of mine.
"Same feeling," he says into my ear.
I twist my head to look up at his sweat-covered face. "What do you mean?"
"You’re my haven," he says. "You once made me feel safe, even if it was taken from me moments later."
I slide my fingers up the side of his face, feeling sensitive to the sharp stubble along his cheek. "I'm sorry," I say.
"Don't be. I feel that way again now." He smiles warmly and kisses my forehead. "Your parents might be the biggest assholes to step foot on this earth, but they knew when they named you, you'd be someone's safe place someday." And just like that, I remember why I never stopped loving a man who I was so sure hated me. "Stay with me tonight. Please."
I rest my head down against his chest, right over his racing heart. "This is all I wanted today," I tell him. “This is all I’ve ever wanted.”
"I'm afraid this is all I can give you."
