"I don't know how not to now." She looks ashamed while saying this. The Haven I remember would never be sitting here like this. Someone or more than one person broke her down into this person she has become.
"I'm sorry you're going through this, Haven." I reach into my back pocket and pull out the wad of cash Crow just gave me from my tips. I look over at the lit-up motel sign, seeing that the nightly cost has gone up to seventy bucks a night. Counting out the tens in my hand, I give her eighty. "Here. Go get yourself a room for the night."
"I can't take this from you," she says. "You probably have nothing right now."
"I have a place to sleep tonight. You don't. Take it," I insist.
"I should sleep out here, learn the lesson I deserve," she says.
"Yeah, maybe you should, but you tried that once, and you obviously didn't learn much from it."
She looks up at me, and the whites of her eyes clear from the tears as if an understanding has come over her. "I just keep making the same mistake," she says.
"Sometimes it takes a few kicks in the head before you finally see things clearly," I tell her. "Besides, you shouldn't sleep out here with that wound on your leg. Go get a room. Get some rest. Then tomorrow, maybe start looking for a job. You should take it one step at a time. Trust me."
With reluctance written so loudly across her face that I can almost hear it, she closes her hand around the cash I'm still holding up. "Someday, I want to stand on my own two feet. I don't want to have to ask for help, and I don't want to be taken care of anymore. I want to be able to take care of myself."
"I want that for you too, Haven. I do." She has a look in her eyes that's begging me not to leave her here, but Crow is waiting for me, and I'm not sure I can explain why I'm going into a motel room with a chick who had me locked up for seven years. He already thinks I'm insane as it is. "Go on, I want to make sure you get into your room before I leave."
Haven grabs her bag and makes her way into the front office. I hold up a finger to Crow, so he knows I'll just be another minute. When she comes back out, holding a key in her hand, she looks embarrassed. "I feel so guilty about this," she says. "I'll repay you."
"Don't worry about it," I say, squeezing her shoulder gently. "Lock your door and keep the blinds closed."
She nods her head with understanding before moving in close to wrap her arms around my neck. "Thanks for saving me again." Her hair smells like summertime at the lake, and I have the urge to wrap my arms around her too and hold her against me until I get drunk off her scent, but I can't.
"I'll see ya," I tell her, breaking free from her embrace. With despondency emanating from her, she hikes slowly up the stairs and opens the same room I was sleeping in with Crystal the other night.That sucks. Hopefully, they have a better housekeeping service than the one they used to.
She closes the door and peeks out of the blinds a second later.
With an ache in my chest I need to ignore, I climb back into Crow's truck. "I think I'm better off not asking what the hell that was all about," Crow says.
"You're definitely better off not asking," I confirm.
"Jesus, do you still have feelings for that chick?" Crow adds in. "I know it's none of my business, but did you just give a rich priss money? One that put you behind bars."
"She's going through a tough time right now." I’m aware of how ridiculous my reason must sound to him.
"Cool, man, no judgment here." Crow laughs to ease the tension. "Is she safe in there tonight? All by herself. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's not like I can say I care a whole lot for some chick who destroyed seven years of your life, but this place has had more break-ins than any other motel in the surrounding two-hundred-mile radius in the last three years."
"What are you talking about?" Sutter may be a hole in the ground, but there's never been any real crime here.
"Ever since the 'poor' were kicked out of Cascade a few years back, Sutter has become a black hole for outraged ex-townies. I don't know why they take their anger out on this shitty motel, but they do. In any case, if she locks the door and shit, I'm sure she'll be okay."
"That dickhead mayor really kicked all of the 'poor' people out of Cascade?"
Crow lets out a strangled laugh. "He pushed out anyone who wasn't in the top fifth percentile of wealth in that town. New rich fucks moved into the advertised hub for the wealthy, a place where their children could be safe from common citizens, and where southern twats could dress in fine clothes and hold civil conversations about fabric choices."
"I had no idea it was that bad," I tell him. How can one man destroy so much in such a short period of time? "I guess you should let me out of the truck."
"I wasn't insinuating you should babysit her, man. I was just asking a question."
"It's fine. Kacee would be more comfortable without me crashing at your place anyway. We should give her a little time so she can see I'm not the criminal she has labeled me as."
"I don't give a shit what Kacee thinks," Crow says, looking over at me. "You're my bro, and if you need a place to crash, it's yours."
I slap my hand on his shoulder. "Thanks for everything you're doing. I'll be at the bar at three tomorrow." I step out of the truck once again with a quick salute to Crow.
"Good luck, man. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."
I poke my head back into the truck before closing the door. "How many chicks under the age of eighteen did you bang when you were twenty-one?"
"Every one of them with a fake ID," he chuckles.
"So you have no idea if they were telling you their real age when you confronted them about their fake IDs?"
"I see where you're going with this," he says, pointing at me like I just beat him in some stupid board game. "You're a good man, Raine Carson. Don't ever lose sight of that."
I close the door and make my way up to the room Haven is staying in, knocking once before she peels the blinds apart.
