23
Raine
Iam sosorry for your loss, Raine… Our thoughts and condolences are with you during this difficult time... We'll keep you in our prayers…
Can no one think of anything original to say?
A cold hand wraps around my arm, tugging me out of the communal area of our small church where we gathered around Granddad's urn.
By the time I look around to see whose hand is on me, we're outside. "Lenore, I didn't see you come in," I tell her, focusing on her washed-out complexion and the redness coating her aging sapphire eyes.
"You honestly think I wouldn't be here?" she says, somehow appearing even more hurt than she was a moment ago.
"I don't know what to think today," I tell her, honestly.
She runs her hand up and down my back soothingly, like a mother would comfort a child. Lenore, while only our housekeeper, is the closest thing to a mother I'll have ever had. "Can I tell you something, Raine?"
"Anything," I say.
"You're seventeen—almost a man. I'm sure you know what it's like to have feelings for someone, right?" This feels like the first time she's spoken to me on a level other than me being the child.
"Sure, I guess." I've dated, but I don’t know if I could consider any of those girls worthy of having real feelings for. I know about it, though.
"I loved your granddad," she admits. I just don't know why she's admitting something I've known most of my life. I asked Granddad why he didn't want to marry Lenore on so many occasions, but his loyalty to Gran was like nothing I'd ever seen. I admired it, but at the same time, it bothered me to think about how lonely he would be when I left for college. I guess at some point, I should have considered how lonely I would be if he were to leave me first.
"I know you loved him, and he loved you too," I offer, hoping it gives her peace of mind.
"I know he never wanted anything more because of your Gran, and I admired that attribute of his more than anything else. It just always made me wonder what could have been."
I don't have words to make Lenore feel better, and I can't imagine what it must feel like to spend almost fifteen years with a person you love and can't have—a person who continually chooses someone else over you. I wrap my arms around Lenore, trying to give her the only type of condolence I can. I know her pain is different than mine, but the degree is probably similar. "This sucks," I tell her.
Lenore exhales heavily and places her hands over her heart. "So, I've been thinking," she says, pulling away and resting her hands on my shoulders. "Until we get everything sorted out with the will—the house and finances—and you turn eighteen next Summer, I want you to come and stay with Lauren and me. I know your granddad wanted it this way, but I need you to know how much I honestly do too." A faint smile pokes through the grimness on Lenore's face as she sweeps my hair off my forehead. "I love you as if you were my own son, Raine, and I would do anything for you, not just because it was a request left behind in a will." Her words break me. We never discussed our feelings. We never had to. She was there, filling a role without a word about it, and we lived that way. Now, our relationship needs a definition because the division has become a little clearer since my granddad, our one connection, passed away, leaving her without a job and me without a guardian.
"Thank you for offering," I tell her. "You're all I have and—thank you, again."
"Mr. Carson," a man's voice interrupts us from behind. I turn to find who it is, only recognizing him slightly. I don't know his name or how he knows Granddad, but I've seen him before.
"Yes, sir?"
He places his hand on my shoulder and squeezes firmly. "I wanted to offer my condolences," he says.
Still studying him, trying to piece together how and where I know him from, it hits me. "You used to mow our lawn for a while, right?" I ask him.
"That's right, I was the gardener at your house for many years." A tight-lipped smile grows across his face from cheek to cheek before he reaches out his hand for me to shake. "I'm Frederick Leigh, a good friend of your granddad's. That man was a saint," he laments. "Do you know he put me through law school?" I'm listening, taking in his words, but at the same time, questioning why Granddad never mentioned anything about him in this way. "As a matter of fact, he is the man responsible for helping me start my own family law practice."
It shouldn't be a shock that Granddad did something so generous for a man who only mowed our lawn; he constantly thought more about others than himself. I remember him saying, "The key to becoming rich in life, whether it is with money or not, is kindness. Good deeds will always bring you more."
"I'm not surprised to hear this," I tell Mr. Leigh.
"Neither am I," Lenore says, making her presence in the conversation known.
"I don't believe we've met," Mr. Leigh says, extending his hand to Lenore.
"I'm Lenore. I was Mr. Carson’s housekeeper for fifteen years." She's scrutinizing him suspiciously as if she doesn't trust him. I wonder if she knows something that I don't.
"Well, I guess we have something in common then, don't we, Lenore?" Mr. Leigh says with a certain smugness.
"Not quite. Raine will be staying in my care for the time being," she says in a cool manner.
