I pull back a bit and press my fingers under chin, forcing her to look up at me with a now familiar star-gazing glimmer in her eyes. "This has everything to do with me. Don't think for one second that I go more than a few minutes without thinking about you when we're not together." I lean down and kiss her softly as her arms lock around my neck. Being with her has been the one and only thing that has made me smile in the past few years. With all of the meaningless activity in my life, to feel something different has made me see things a little clearer, and I wish I could explain this to her, but it's hard enough to understand the depth of my own pain, never mind explaining it to another person.
Lost in thought, I find myself walking her backward while I maintain control of her lips. I know where we're headed, and I've avoided it out of fear of what could come of it, but I'm confident now, knowing the only thing that could change for me is that I might fall a little harder for Haven than I already have. I'm okay with that.
The hallway blurs by as we close ourselves into her bedroom, finding the bed as if we have fallen carelessly into a cloud of pillows. I feel nothing around me, only the current growing between us. "Please don't change your mind," she mutters into my mouth. I know what I've forced her to think, especially after she has made certain assumptions about my track record, but she's different, which is why I have refused to treat her like another sleazy chick from the bar. I don't think she sees it that way, though. I believe she has been comparing herself to those other women, which is crazy in my mind. In the past, I’ve used alcohol and sex to numb the pain, but this is different. What I have with her, is healing the pain.
"I would only change my mind if I didn't want this.” I find myself breathing heavily against her, feeling a need I haven’t felt in forever. "You have to know that thoughts of you…like this...have consumed more of my time than I'd like to admit to, and that lipstick you have on tonight—the way it makes your eyes sparkle—you've turned me into a helpless man, Haven."
"The lipstick, huh?” Her cheeks blush as her eyes struggle to focus on mine.
"Yeah, you could say I’m a lips-guy. I just have a thing for beautiful red lips," I whisper into Haven’s ear.
"Raine, wait," she says, stopping me from moving an inch. "I should tell you something." With a struggle to breathe, she continues, "I'm not—I mean—ugh…I hate having to admit this, but—"
"It's your first time," I tell her. "It's okay. I'll be gentle with you. But, if you want to wait, that's fine too."
Haven’s long exhale relaxes both of us. "Please, don't make me wait any longer." Adhering to her plea, I do my best to take my time as I kiss every inch of her face and her neck. While my hand explores other areas more thoroughly, I slowly drag her tiny running shorts down the length of her silky legs. Heavy breaths and whimpers pass through her lips as the tips of my fingers make contact with the flesh beneath her laced panties. I lower my mouth to her waist, pushing her shirt up with my nose until I reach her matching bra that is concealing absolutely nothing. Waves of desire run through me, and my movements become more heated. Thanks to my recent abstinence, my patience for foreplay quickly seeps away. I remove her bra, flinging it across the room and nearly tear her panties trying to remove the last article of clothing from her body. Haven's fingers are sliding up my sides painfully slow, and she pulls my shirt over my head as I kick my pants off while grabbing a condom out of my back pocket.
Teasing my fingertips down the center of her core, down between her legs where wetness welcomes my fingers, I carefully caress her and prime her for what's next, knowing it'll probably hurt like hell.
“You okay still?” I mutter against her ear.
“Mmm,” she cries.
I dip another finger inside of her, melting against the tightness encompassing me. Moans echo through the air and her body jerks up and down, grinding against my hand. “Oh my—Oh, don’t st—”
I'm quick to slip the condom on and faster to ease inside of her, feeling a million different sensations at the same moment. All the while, I’m enamored by her gaze as she studies me and looks through me at same time—maybe wondering if it'll hurt, how much it'll hurt, or how fucking good this is going to be. She doesn't tense up or make any sound of discomfort, so I continue to move inside of her at a slow pace with cautious movements.
Her fingernails lightly pinch at my skin, and I bury my mouth against her breast, tugging at her peach-colored nipple with my teeth. A groan that sounds like pain growls in her throat, and I lift my head to find the expression on her face. "No, no, please don't stop," she cries.
Having all the confirmation I need, I replace my mouth where I want it to be and grip my hands around her ass while using a little more pressure, intensifying everything.
I thrust harder, and her movements become slower as her nails dig deeper into the flesh on my back. She's breathing heavily, forcing her breasts into my face as I reach the point of release. Her erotic screams fill the air as I pump harder and faster.
"What the hell is this?" A voice shouts from behind us.
Haven shrieks in my ear, and I lose my balance from holding myself above her, falling to the side and grabbing at the sheets in the same instance.
"Dad?" she says emphatically. "Jesus! Get out!"
"You have ten seconds to get your clothes on,” he says, pointing his finger at us. “You too, Mr. Carson," he hisses.
The door slams, matching the beat of my heart. My life is over. This is it. This is what I was fucking afraid of. And I let my guard down. I fucking let it down.
"What are we going to do?" Haven’s running her fingers through her hair and the rosy color that was just beaming through her cheeks moments ago has seeped into a sea of whiteness. She’s wasting precious seconds, looking around the room as if she’s going to find a solution to this real big fucking problem.
"Whatcanwe do?" I return the question.
"I won't let him fire you," she says. Like that's what I'm worried about right now. Firing me is the last thing on that man's mind.
"Haven, get dressed," I tell her, more abruptly than I intended, but I have a much bigger reason to be freaking the hell out right now than she does.
"Please," she cries. "I never meant for this to happen. I think I love you. I didn't want it to be like this."
"I know." I throw my clothes on as fast as I can, fending off stupid ideas to get out of this while, at the same time, searching for anything that could save me right now. "I never would have done this with you unless I felt the same way.” God dammit. Now I’m the one pacing, squeezing at the flesh on my neck. Shit. Shit. Shit. “Haven, look, I’m not sure I know what love is, and I don’t even know if I'm capable of understanding it, but I've never felt like this about anyone. Ever." Except, none of that matters right this second. However, for whatever is about to happen, I need her to know this wasn't for nothing. I can't take what I just took from her without giving something in return.
A fist pounds against the door. "Hurry the hell up."
"I'm sorry," she continues to cry, shaking as she searches for her clothes. I’ve never seen her frazzled or upset, and this is breaking me to pieces. I want to hurt that man for so many different reasons right now. There isn’t much keeping me from doing that. I can’t watch him make Haven feel this way.
