9
Haven
Leaving a mostlynaked man in my laundry room is a new one for me, but walking away is the only way to avoid spewing a bunch of words I might regret later. Is it me? I'm not the one who keeps going after him. Yesterday was a coincidence, running into him at the fair, but today wasn't a coincidence. Today, he came looking for me. And for what? I misread his confusing signals, and he backs away like I'm some kind of monster. I may have little experience when it comes to men, but he is more confusing than any person I've ever met.
I splash a handful of cold water against my face, combating the humidity from outdoors and the heat from inside of me.Raine kissed me last night. This isn't in my head.
I pull away from the running faucet and peer up at my reflection—the flushed look masking the natural pinkness of my cheeks. Maybe I'm the one who's out of line, but in the books I drown myself in, it is almost never the case when the woman is begging, chasing, or feeling defeated the way I do. Every one of the other girls in the neighborhood has been in steady relationships over the past two years. They have all lost their virginity to their boyfriends, and while our parents think we're chatting about different types of teas when we're together, that's far from the truth. Even Maryanne has had her fill of stories to share. She was the last of the girls I'd expect to give it up for some rich snotty guy, but I was wrong.
What I said to Raine is true—it's like I'm off limits to every man in this town. Either they all think I'm crazy due to my lack of public appearances as the mayor's daughter, or they're as scared of Dad as I know most are. Even the men who work just below him glisten with sweat when Dad approaches. That's not how I see Dad, though. I know the real man hiding inside of the suit he wears like armor—the man who struggled with everything up until five years ago. If anyone in this town knew the truth, they wouldn't be as outwardly smitten and inwardly terrified as they are of him. Dad thinks everyone loves him, but I hear the whispers and rumors when no one knows I'm listening. Walking around with his nose in the air, never blinking or smiling, doesn't make him powerful. It makes him inhuman.
A soft rap on the door startles me, and my wet hand slips off the side of the sink as I stumble backward. Shaking away my thoughts, I open the door, finding Raine with his hands pressed into the sides of the doorway, his naked chest positioned front and center to my eye-level. "Are you okay?" he asks.
"I'm good," I say, quicker than anything I could plan to say. I'm mortified, again, but I'm fine.
"Tell me your thoughts. Tell me what’s going through your head at this very moment," he says, narrowing his eyes at me, not out of anger, but with inquisitiveness.
"That's private," I mutter, walking past him and across the hall into my bedroom. He follows me and sits on the edge of my bed.
"More private than giving up your virginity to a man you hardly know?" Okay, so feeling mortified a couple of minutes ago was a lie. This moment is the exact definition of humiliation. Is it written across my goddamn head? Is that what this is?
"I should slap you." I clench my jaw and try to breathe through the pressure sitting on my chest.
"For stating the truth?" he presses. "Or for calling you out on it?"
"What kind of man—" I try to say.
"Don't finish that question," he snaps. "And as for the answer…I'm the kind of man who lost his virginity at seventeen to some chick selling her body at the motel down the street." He laughs softly, but the look in his eyes contradicts the humor he's putting out. "And I did it because someone told me that sex fixes all problems in life. It's like a temporary band-aid, and it masks truths, lies, aches, and pains. It blinds and distorts. At the time, I thought that's what I needed. At twenty-one, I know it's what I need because the person who said that to me wasn't lying. Sex does hide all of life's flaws."
Despite the understanding of Raine losing his virginity to a prostitute, all he's done is confuse me more. He needs sex, but I'm not good enough evidently. "Fantastic, well, thanks for clarifying."
He shakes his head, letting it fall into the palm of his hand. "You're not getting this."
"Obviously not."
"Temporary solutions cause deeper wounds," is all he says.
"And why do you think I'm a virgin?" I ask, knowing the sputter of my words is more of a tell-all than he needs.
Raine stands up, stepping in closer to me. He traces the rigid tip of his finger under my eye, sweeping it down the side of my face to the corner of my lips. "There is innocence in your eyes. It makes me envious."
"That's a lie," I tell him. "You can't determine someone's sexual status by the look in their eyes." Would a virgin have undressed in front of an open window, knowing a man was watching?
The corner of his mouth perks into a knowing smile, and he steps away from me. He moves across my room and over to my nightstand where he lifts the book I'm halfway through. He flips to the back cover and scans it from top to bottom, assumedly reading the synopsis. "You think men like this exist. You think romance is real. You think sex doesn't ruin a thing. And, you know why?” Anger feathers up my spine, offended by his accusation. "This is fiction."
"So, there's no such thing as romance?"
"Not with a man who's looking for a chick to screw so his wounds hurt a little less."
I walk past him, taking his words, carrying them heavily on my shoulders as I make my way into the laundry room to throw his clothes into the dryer. As I set the dial and press start, the rumble of the machine quakes through me, bringing along a realization I hadn't considered until now.He doesn't want me to be his bandage.
When I reenter my bedroom, I find him lying on my bed with his legs crossed and my book pressed open in his left hand. "I'm sorry," I offer.
"For what?" he asks without moving his focus from the words in my book.
"Whatever pain you’re scared of temporarily covering."
"I appreciate that, but I'm not concerned about a temporary fix because I'm not looking for any more temporary fixes." He flips a page in the book. "Especially one from a virgin." His words fire through me, and by the smirk on his lips I know he's testing me, so I close my eyes briefly and pull in a slow and deep breath to calm myself. He's trying to get a reaction out of me.
