My hands found his shoulders, his chest, his hair—the hair I’d just cut and combed, probably messing it up again, but I didn’t care.
The friction, the heat, his fingers digging into my ass—gripping me tight so I couldn’t slide away as I rocked against his erection and pushed into his rubbing hand. Too much. I fell out of the kiss with a long moan.
“Yeah, let me hear you, baby.” Boone’s gripping hand slid up to the back of my neck. Pulled me forward so I could moan against his neck. “Don’t hold back.”
That was one invitation I didn’t need. The loud moans tore out of me, running from the fire he kept stoking inside.
“That’s it,” Boone murmured. “You’re so beautiful. So fucking perfect.”
The orgasm exploded inside of me, melting me down to bone.
I came with another cry I couldn’t hold back, shuddering against him, my whole body clenching and releasing.
My nails scraped against his t-shirt, trying to find my way out of the blaze, but there was no way out. Just through. I burned and burned.
Until I sank against him with nothing left.
“Boone… Boone…”
I didn’t know why I was saying his name. It just kept falling out of my mouth as I lay collapsed against his wide chest.
Boone removed his hand, and for a perfect, crystalline moment, everything that was wrong in my life burned away.
And then reality came crashing back in, faster than it ever had before.
Oh god. What did I just do?
The room tilted at the enormity of my inability to control my actions.
“Bell?” Boone’s hands were still on my hips. “You okay, sugar?”
I couldn’t answer. Couldn’t get enough air.
My throat closed. Ravik was right. I was still a mess, unable to adult correctly for even a week.
A ringing filled my ears. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t?—
“Hey, hey.” Boone’s voice cut through the spiral, rough and worried. “Look at me. Just breathe with me, okay?”
I shoved away from him instead, stumbling backward off his lap.
“I can’t do this with you.” My voice broke. “I can’t keep doing this. Saying one thing, and doing another.”
“Bell, it’s okay. You’re okay.” He stood slowly, hands up, like I was a spooked animal. “Nobody’s mad. Nobody?—”
“I told Ravik I didn’t want anything.” The words tumbled out, shaky and desperate. “I said I didn’t want anything from any of you. But I keep on taking when I know it’s a bad idea. And he’s going to know that he’s right about me, because you cannotnottell him.”
“Bell, what are you talking about?” Boone jumped to his feet.
“Me! I’m talking about me!” I raged at him. I was shaking now. Full-body tremors I couldn’t control. “I’m trying to make you see who I really am.”
“How?” Boone shook his head. “By acting crazy after we finally had that breakthrough?”
“Boone…” I flared my eyes at him because how did he not understand? “Iamcrazy. Not brave. Broken! And unfixable! So please, just stop trying with me.”
Boone flinched back.
“Don’t,” he croaked, as if I’d gut punched him. “Don’t ask me to do that.”
