Mara’s return might become a balm for our broken hearts if we couldn’t convince Bell to stay with us. But neither of us said that part out loud.
In some ways, I was the lucky one. At least I had a job to distract me from our maul’s impending doom. A job I despised and longed to escape, yes, but still, it was something. And with Bell rightfully focusing all of her attention on her daughters, instead of rushing back to the Outer Limits those nights, I stayed up in Bear Mountain proper, focusing my attention on the rehearsals for the Christmas in July pageant. Not on my fears about our maul’s future.
The days ticked down until it was finally time for Holly and Noelle to leave with their mauls on the morning of Christmas in July Eve.
“What are we going to do if she kicks us to the curb and uses the money she’ll make on those commissioned bear sculptures to move like she was talking about?”Boone asked over our maul bond as we walked over to the old house.
Ravik’s response came stoic and sure:“Then we come up with Operation Sugar Cookie Part Two.”
But the memory of that morning Takoda came—when Bell tried to bolt without keeping her promise to talk to us—burned sobrightly I didn’t know if it was coming from one of their heads or mine.
I stayed quiet, muting my side of the bond so they wouldn’t have to hear the gloomy recitation of a Victorian-era Canadian poem I taught about the death of flowers repeating over and over in my mind.
I thought of all the relationships I’d failed to repair. Niska and I had fought the morning before her death—I couldn’t even remember over what. One of the many resentment minefields that were constantly being set off in our mateship.
Mara still wasn’t speaking to me. And Claudine hadn’t returned the email I sent with my number and location, even though she’d been the one to reach out.
We arrived at the house to find Bell outside with her daughters and their mauls, who all had bond bites on both their arms and necks, the surest sign that their relationships were strong and bonded.
The bite on my dark neck had faded with each shift to my bear after Niska’s death. It was so faint, you could barely see it, and it never tingled like the ones on my arms.
I felt… incomplete, with not much hope onto which to grasp. Bell had been honest about our status, even after surrendering to our sexual claims. She’d been clear about not wishing or feeling ready to be our official mate from the start.
As Ravik and I shook hands with Takoda and Mak and watched Bell do the same with her daughters, I wondered why I’d expected this relationship to work out so late in my life.
After they drove away, Ravik immediately turned to address Bell. “Let’s go home.”
I felt over the maul bond how badly he wished to take her hand like he’d started doing on evening walks in the month of bliss we’d gotten with her. However, he was too unsure of where he stood with her to risk reaching out for it.
Bell remained right where she stood. “Actually, I wanted to have a conversation with you about our living arrangements.”
We all went completely still.
“Holly and I have been talking. A lot,” Bell continued, fretting her hands. “And she found this intensive therapy program for domestic abuse survivors in Vancouver. Basically, it meets every Sunday—two months of group sessions, followed up by six weeks of individual therapy, so I’d have to be there in person. Holly still has her Vancouver apartment, and Leif’s insisting on paying for it all, and we all agree that I should take advantage of it. You know, like a fresh start. So, I know you have a perfectly nice totem cave in Bear Mountain that you were wanting me to move into with you, but I can’t go on like this….”
She paused, wincing a little.
And we all stared back at her, horrified.
“No.. no…. NO!”Ravik’s mind was melting down.
Boone was debating throwing her over his shoulder.
My heart cracked, and for once, I had no idea what to say.
“So, I was wondering if we could stay here in the Outer Limits, since it’s a straight shot from here to the Vancouver Sunday morning bus pickup. Just until the school year’s over,” Bell said,directing her gaze to our first maul. “Then Zion and I can stay in Vancouver to look for Mara while you and Boone hibernate.”
Hold on… what?All our despairing thoughts broke off.
Bell must have mistaken our lack of outward reaction because she rushed on, her voice shaky with insecurity. “I noticed you guys kind of withdrew after the girls came, and I understand if this has been too much, and maybe you want to wait until I’m fully healed to take our relationship any further. It’s just, Boone…”
She raised her eyes to the largest of our maul. “You dug me out of my deepest, darkest pit. And Ravik…”
She turned to the male she’d chosen to give her first claim. “You take such beautiful care of me. And Zion...”
Finally, her brown gaze met mine. “You were the friend I needed. You taught me how to laugh and enjoy life again. That’s probably just you being you, but you’ll never know how much you being you means to me.”
She spread her hands before her. "You've all made me so happy. And I don't want to make you miserable with all my stuff. So, no matter what the bad voices in my mind are telling me about how I don't deserve you or any of this, I'm going to do the work to feel like I do and be the woman you deserve, because…"
