And the next thing I knew I was following her over the ledge, releasing with a guttural shout, hips jerking as I came and came. Filling up her chocolate and caramel with my hazelnuts.
Mate… Mate…. Mate….
I couldn’t even tell whose out-of-control beast was chanting anymore. Hers or mine?
Either way, Holly’s bear was already pulling her under. Her lashes fluttered shut, and her plump lips parted with a tired sigh as sleep came to claim her. So fast, I couldn’t say for certain it wasn’t passing out.
Her bear finally disappeared from my mind, releasing me from its siren grip. The moment her body went lax beneath me, I pulled away, and harsh reality replaced the frantic mating chant in my head.
What had I done?
Cold air rushed in between us, but it wasn’t enough to clear the heat or the shame crawling under my skin.
My chest heaved, my heart pounding like I’d run a marathon. This wasn’t control. This wasn’t the man I’d spent my life becoming.
I’d let my bear take over—again.
I reared to my feet, staring down at the female sleeping so peacefully above the mess I’d made between her soft thighs. The weight of my failure pressed against my chest, a bear threatening to crush me.
“Welcome to the maul, Koda.” Hawk’s voice cut through my silence like a knife.
I wasn’t looking at him. But I didn’t have to. His smirk was audible.
I zipped up my jeans, clenching my teeth so hard I wondered if my jaw wouldn’t shatter.
It didn’t. Somehow, everything threatening to come apart inside me held as I left the den I never wanted without another word.
The cool night air cleared my nose of her chocolate and caramel scent. But it didn’t help. Shame clung to me as I blindly walked, trying to put some distance between me and the female who drove me out of my mind with the wanting of her. But, of course, not too much distance.
My bear stopped me less than a kilometer from the cave. I didn’t even make it out of the village.
I couldn’t think straight. Couldn’t breathe.
I swiveled my head around, searching for something, anything, to anchor me, to distract me. That’s when I saw it—the sign for Mak’s construction business, weathered but sturdy, standing tall above an industrial pre-build I’d help him erect back when we both thought that would be his only job and I’d eventually be taking over as Tuk’mara.
For once, the sight of it didn’t fill me with bitterness. I peered at it through my one good eye, while thinking about that death trap of a den, and a new idea took hold.
A project. That’s what I needed. Something physical to keep me busy. Something to keep my bear occupied, to stop the ache clawing at me from the inside out.
I just need to stay busy. Limit my time with her.
If I couldn’t outrun my bear, maybe I could outwork it.
17/
sex, sleep, eat, repeat
holly
So...
That was how my first full day on Bear Mountain began.
But over the next few days, I fell into a routine: sex, sleep, eat, repeat.
Koda was barely around. And when he was, it felt like I was dealing with the animatronic Mountie version of the guy I’d met that first night at the detachment station. He’d swapped out his formal uniform for a rotation of dark-washed jeans and either a slate-gray or charcoal thermal button-up, but the vibe was the same: stiff, efficient, all business, absolutely no play.
Every morning after breakfast, he’d “service” me in what I could only describe as the most clinical way possible—efficient, no frills, and completely detached. Then he’d disappear to a place he referred to asMak’s workshopfor the rest of the day.
