“Oh, that’s just asgian dubh,y’ken — a blade so wee, I forgot it was even in there! Ye won’t be needing me to toss that tiny toothpick on the pile now, will ye!” Duncan waved a dismissive hand. “Besides, I’m not even one of the eligibles, am I? Just a Da, hoping to down a hauf n’ hauf while me son fishes himself a bride from this braw flock our banrigh brought over for our lads.”
I had no idea what a hauf n’ hauf was, but he pointed a hand toward us, letting me (and the guard) know we were thebraw flockDuncan wanted his son to fish from.
Sadie bent down to whisper, “Colorful, but I’m not sure that metaphor quite works.”
I grimaced in agreement. “On any level.”
The castle guard also didn’t find Duncan’s argument convincing. He pointed to the small mountain of weapons piled beside the throne room door and repeated, “No weapons allowed.”
“Aw, feck it, then, I just won’t go!” Duncan bent down to pick up three leather-bladed knives and — I kid you not — a huge sword from the pile.
“Remember the Irish Wolves!” he yelled straight in the castle guard’s face before storming away with his small arsenal.
I frowned at the second mention of the Irish Wolves as the old man stomped past us and asked Sadie. “What was that all about?”
“Ooh, I know!” Amanda answered. “It’s such a terrible story. But apparently, back in the 1500s, an entire army of Irish Wolves attacked a royal wedding while everyone was drunk and kidnappedallthe Scottish she-wolves! And I do meanallof them. Babies, girls, teens, anyone they could get their grubby Irish claws on — even the bride who was already pregnant with the Scottish King’s baby!”
Amanda paused to nod along with all the shocked gasps from her fellow Wölfennites. “I know. I know. And, of course, the Scottish males ran after them, but it was of no use. Most of their females were spirited away to Ireland and never heard from again. And there’s been a centuries-long riff between the Irish and the Scottish Wolves ever since.”
“That’s ghastly!” Priscilla, Amanda’s best friend and lifetime sycophant, clasped her chest like she had just heard the worst horror story ever. “Is that why I keep seeing groups of boys playing a game they callIrishwith wooden swords?”
“Yes!” Amanda confirmed Priscilla’s guess with an authoritative nod. “Even though that Irish incident happened only once nearly five hundred years ago, the Scottish Wolves have developed all these terrible rituals around it. Do you know they teach every boy hand-to-hand combat from agefive? And it’s become a tradition for them to show up at weddings armed to their teeth. I mean, just look at that pile!”
As much as I tended to dislike the holier-than-thou know-it-all who’d somehow appointed herself the leader of the Bride Exchange group, I had to agree, “It is alarmingly high.”
I had to ask, “How do you know all this history about their beef with the Irish?”
“Beef?” Amanda wrinkled her nose.
And I kicked myself for once again forgetting not to use slang I’d read on the internet in my day-to-day conversations with other Wölfennites. “I mean, how did you know about their ongoing feud.”
“Oh, Malcolm told me all about it yesterday.” Amanda dipped her head and pushed a non-existent stray lock behind her bonnet. “On our courting date.”
Orpah audibly gasped, then lowered her voice to say, “Malcolmasked you on a courting date after you already went on one with his best friend?”
Miriam, a Wölfennite whose glossy, strawberry blonde hair and sharp features always made me think of a fox, cast her a jealous look. “So, not one buttwoof the most handsome males in this kingdom village want you to become their mate!”
I squinted to the side, remembering my earlier encounter with the MacDoofus Twins. It sounded to me like Gavin and Malcolm were wooing Amanda and who knew how many other Wölfennite females so that they could havetheirchoice of the biggest fish from our braw flock.
Ugh. The Wölfennites had traveled halfway around the world just to get hit with the same bullhockey and games that the choosy males back in St. Ailbe played. Yet another reason to absolutely not acquire a husband on this Bridal Exchange trip
“Do you think they’ll fight over you, Amanda?” Priscilla whisperedbreathlessly.
“Oh, I hope not!” Amanda flared her eyes to make herself the very picture of distress. Then she turned to Miriam to urgently inform her, “And I did not give their looks a single thought when I granted their separate request for a small walk around the village. That would be prideful. I only took theirspiritualbeauty under consideration.”
“Of course you did!” Orpah said with an emphatic nod while Priscilla rushed to assure Amanda. “We all know you are a good-hearted soul who only wants to help your future husband find his one true path as the head of your family.”
“Not only me. We areallgood-hearted acolytes of modesty and faith,” Amanda insisted with the performative humility Wölfennites were taught from birth.
Back home, I would have bowed my head and nodded along, pretending to agree. But here, I was less than two months away from flying back to Canada. I had to lock my facial muscles in place to keep my eyes from rolling while Sadie, Priscilla and Orpah nodded in fervent agreement.
Amanda splayed a hand across the chest of her modest blue dress. “And thank goodness we’re here now to serve as examples of piety and peace. Which is why we will wait until this worldly Grand March wedding dance they’re insisting on performing is done before we enter the throne room.”
More murmurs of agreement rose in the air from Orpah, Priscilla, and a few of the other Wölfennites who seemed not to mind that Amanda had appointed herself the leader of our all-female pack.
Meanwhile, I stood on my tiptoes to whisper to Sadie, “Thank goodness I get to skip all that nonsense and hang out with Ellie.”
“Well, maybe if you gave the Scottish grooms even half a chance at the reception instead ofhidingawaywith Milly’s baby, you’dactually have a good time,” Sadie whispered. "I honestly don't understand why you, of all people, would pass up this opportunity and risk going back to St. Ailbe. Aren't you the one always calling wolf-mating a fate worse than death?"
