“Are you upset because I punished you for teasing me?”
“No, that was..." I fumbled with both my words and my feelings before admitting, "Actually, that was kind of hot.”
“Then why are you crying?”
“I’m not crying,”I insisted. "My eyes just got a little wet. That's over now."
“Then why are you trying not to cry?”
“Seriously, Cole. I don’t want to have this conversation with you. Just go. When you get home from work, I’ll be fine. I promise.”
I couldn’t do this anymore. I had to get out of there. Blinking the unshed tears out of my eyes, I made a move to get up, only to have Cole catch my wrist.
“So the deal is I have to talk to you, but you don’t have to talk to me?”he asked.
Anger flared inside of me, like the hourly volcano at the Tourmaline.“You still haven’t told me why you got upset last night,”I reminded him, tugging on my wrist.
But Cole didn't let go.
“So it’s an exchange," Cole replied with a nod."I tell you what you want to know, and you tell me what’s going on with you?”
“No! That’s not what I’m trying to say—”I broke off with an exasperated huff.“Not everything’s a perfect business exchange. You’re asking me to talk to you, and I’m telling you it’s not worth talking about. Please let go of me.”
His hand tightened around my wrist.“I’ll be the judge of that.”
“No, you won’t because I don’t want to talk about it.” A new panic rose in my chest.“Okay? I don’t.”
He stared at me for a few cold seconds. Then he said,“My mother said I was a mistake. That having me was amistake. She was drunk and angrybecause my father had left her for another woman—Max’s mother. She told me I ruined her body and made my father stop looking at her like a woman. Maybe she had a point because he eventually left Max’s mother, too. But my mother died right after she said that to me—like, the same night. So...There's your explanation for my reaction to you saying the hotel room was a mistake.”
"Oh, Cole."I brought my free hand up to cover my mouth.
“And there’s that look of pity again.”He dropped my wrist.“That’s why I didn’t want to tell you last night.”
“I’m not a block of stone, Cole. No mother should ever say that to her child and then die right after, leaving him emotionally scarred for life." I shook my head. "I can't help it. I’m sorry—like, truly sorry—that was said to you.”
Cole made a hurry-up motion with his hand, winding it around in a circle.“Can we talk about your thing now?”
I clamped my lips and struggled inside of myself.
Yes, it was true that this wasn’t supposed to be yet another business exchange. But Cole had just shared something painful with me, something he obviously hadn’t told many other people—if anyone. And it felt peevish not to push down my self-consciousness and fess up.
I crossed my arms across my chest.“When you went cold on me right after we finished and decided to take a shower, it reminded me of my ex,”I mumbled.
Cole’s face went blank in a way I could tell was very deliberate.“Your ex, the do-gooder?”
“Yeah, him.”
“I'm thirty-seven. I remind you of an old…" He stopped, looked down, then raised his eyes back to me. "I remind you of the guy you met when he was campaigning for shelter funds, one of the least effective ways to actually raise money for a charity, and so obviously self-serving in every way?”
“Well, no, you don’t remind me of him when you talk like the least altruistic man on earth. But when you can’t wait to get into a shower after you've had sex with me—then yeah, you do.”
Cole, who I was beginning to think was incapable of feeling insult unless the word“mistake”was used, just raised his eyebrow.“Why?”
“He didn’t want to be seen with me. He said dating a showgirl wasn’t a good idea for a man in his position. He claimed to love me, but kept me hidden. Like a dirty secret. And he, um, always used to shower right after. Like he needed to clean me off him. And eventually, he dumped me. It was pretty amicable, but I guess it hit on some long-held emotional wounds and left me feeling not good enough to walk with certain people in certain circles.”
“So when did you figure out he was married?”
My eyes went wide.“Pru saw him with his wife, walking their dog, after one of her brother’s soccer games. How did you know he was married?”
