“No, it doesn’t, but there’s forgiveness in Christ.”
“I’ve actually been going to church again and studying the Bible for the first time in my adult life. The church I found has a men’s small group that I’ve been attending. They are the ones who encouraged me to talk to you and apologize. I’ve wanted to but have been too chicken.” Grady chuckled. “When I saw you earlier, I figured that was God knocking me upside the head to get it done.”
Judah laughed with him. “That’s how it goes sometimes.”
“Look, I know you didn’t really want to talk tonight, but I appreciate you taking the time.” Grady tapped the side of his empty cup. “I won’t keep you, I know you’re tired, but don’t be a stranger. If it’s not too weird, check in now and then.”
“I will.” To his complete and utter shock, he meant it, and that could only be a credit to God and the power of forgiveness.
Chapter Twelve
-One more day.
Maegan reread the last message from Judah. He’d only been gone two days, but it felt much longer even though she’d kept herself busy. Friday night she’d hosted her impromptu knitting circle and finished a shawl. Saturday during the day she’d helped her mom then ended up going to the jazz club night after all with a friend from church. This morning she’d attended church, had lunch with her Sunday school class, and went to Judah’s to water his plant.
That’s when the wave of loneliness hit her. Memories of Thursday night flooded her mind, and she replayed the moment he kissed her forehead. Was it simply a kind gesture or a hint of romantic feelings? She didn’t think her feelings were one-sided. Yes, she’d finally admitted to herself she’d fallen for Judah, and cared for him as more than a friend.
But what now? She couldn’t confide in anyone without first confessing her deception.Oh, what tangled webs we weave, when first we practice to deceive. Was it rude to tell her own brain to shut up?
She didn’t know where to go from here, or if there was anywhere to go. All she knew was that she missed Judah like crazy. He’d quickly become a constant presence in her life, and she felt safe with him. Now she understood what people meant when they said a person felt like home. That was Judah for her. With him she could be completely herself.
He listened to her when she got excited over new yarns or learned a new knitting technique. He didn’t roll his eyes whenshe heard a kitten crying and insisted on finding him, a trek that took them to the schoolyard next door and under the bleachers until she found an adorable tuxedo kitten who now lived with her. He understood how important faith and family were to her, and he shared those same values.
Judah was everything that Jess wasn’t. Comparing them wasn’t fair yet doing so provided a stark contrast of the men they were. Even if Judah didn’t return her feelings, she could find comfort and purpose in knowing that through him, she discovered the type of man she did wish to be with.
Thank God for unanswered prayers. Two years ago, she never thought she’d see the day when she saw Jess’s betrayal as a blessing, but here it was. A shudder passed over her when she considered the marriage they would have had. They had been entirely incompatible but hadn’t wanted to admit it.
The warm front lingered, and Maegan decided to take a drive with the windows down to clear her mind. She stopped at the gas station on the way out, filled up with gas, bought a large sweet tea and a bag of pretzels to munch on, then drove out of town.
Rays of light warmed her cheeks and the breeze through the windows cooled them down. The fresh spring air breathed life and revival into the landscape. The first wildflowers of the season dotted the roadside with small splashes of pinks and yellows. Trees were beginning to fill out with lush green leaves, covering up the barren branches of winter.
She’d always loved the hope and promise of spring. A reminder that even in the dark of winter, God was working in unseen ways to bring renewal, which seemed especially poignant upon reflection of her relationship with Jess and how God had brought her to where she was today.
An hour of driving later, she no longer felt lonely. Her spirits had lifted and she was filled with gratitude for all God had done in her life.
One thing, however, remained to be done. Something she’d been hanging onto with an unhealthy attachment. She drove home and went straight to her bedroom. Pushing clothes aside, reached for a box on the highest shelf in her cabinet and brought it down. The box was light but heavy with memories. `
She sat cross legged on her closet floor with the box directly in front of her. Years had passed since she’d been able to look inside, but it was time. Slowly she lifted the floral papered lid and set it aside.
One by one, she removed the papers. A copy of her and Jess’s wedding announcement. A program for their wedding that never happened. The ticket stubs from the date they became an official couple. Each item was a token from a time in her life that no longer existed. She wasn’t the same woman that Jess had left.
This Maegan was better. Stronger. More Confident. Happier. She knew who she was, and more importantly, whose child she was. Though she’d accepted Christ as a young preteen, the years after Jess left her had deepened her faith when she’d had to lean on God to get through that nightmare.
Then she saw the box that held her engagement ring, amazed she didn’t feel a punch in the gut. What did one do with a lightly used engagement ring? She could sell it and use the money for something completely frivolous. Maybe that weaving loom she’d wanted but could never justify the expense.
But…what if she could use the ring to bring blessings. She decided right then to sell the ring and donate the money to a local women’s shelter.
“Yes, I love that,” she said to Mouse, her new cat, who had come to join her in the closet. “What do you think, Mouse? Is it time to discard all of this, and put Jess in the past once and for all?”
Mouse answered with a belligerent meow, then resumed exploring the closet.
Maegan gathered up the box’s contents, every last piece of which told the story of her relationship with Jess. Leaving the closet, she carried the pile to the kitchen, opened the trash lid, and launched into her final phase of the project- dumping all reminders of him. A physical act to show the mental and emotional purge. From this moment, she’d have no more baggage to weigh her down as she moved forward.
Chapter Thirteen
“Hi,” Maegan answered the call with enthusiasm. “Are you home?”
“Almost, but I had to stop for gas. I thought I’d make it home, but the gas needle kept dropping.” Judah coughed. “Sorry, someone drove by and blew exhaust in my face.”
