***
Sighing contentedly, she leaned back, with her hands propped behind her as support. She’d made it through the day. Connor’s family had welcomed her back with open arms after a nine-year separation.
At first, she’d felt out of place and uncomfortable, but within the first hour, she’d settled in. No one treated her poorly, nor indicated they knew of her failed, abusive marriage. If they did, she was glad they hadn’t mentioned it.
After they’d left Connor’s, they had dropped Lilly off at her apartment. They planned to watch the fireworks and didn’t want Lilly scared by the sound of the explosions.
Connor, sitting beside her on the blanket spread over a patch of grass, looked at her. “I haven’t watched the fireworks in years.”
“I thought you loved them.”
“I do, but if I wasn’t already scheduled, I’d usually volunteer to pick up a patrol shift so one of the officers with family could spend the holiday with his loved ones.”
Unexpectedly, she flinched. Her contentment slid away.
Connor must have seen it. “What’s wrong?”
“You’re practically a saint. Have you ever done anything selfish in your life?” She sat upright. “It makes me feel inferior.”
“What?” The corners of his eyes crinkled. “I’m far from a saint, and I’m plenty selfish. At lunch yesterday, I wanted another piece of pizza, so I grabbed the last slice from the pan, even though I wasn’t done with my current slice.”
She resisted rolling her eyes. “You’re such a terrible person for being hungry.”
“That’s just an example.” He scooted closer to her. “Remember how I treated you at Mrs. Leola’s and when I saw you at Hope House? And if we’re going to be completely honest, I volunteered for a lot of those holiday shifts, so I’d stay busy. I didn’t want to be home, or I’d start thinking of you and the life I thought we’d have.”
A stabbing pain pierced her heart. She turned away from, shamed to her core. “I never meant to cause you pain.”
Tenderly, he laid a hand on her shoulder, beckoning her to face him once again. “That’s not why I told you that. I should have thought of a better example, but believe me, I have my flaws. And there is nothing from the past that I hold against you.”
“How can you be so forgiving?”
He straightened his back, moved his hand to her cheek. “Because love covers a multitude of sins. Mine, yours, those around us.”
“You make it sound so simple.” She squeezed her eyes shut, afraid to take that final leap.
They’d discussed it earlier, had mutually decided to give their relationship another chance.
So, what held her back, here in the dark of night, in a romantic setting?
Fear?
Shame?
Regret?
All the above?
He leaned in, rested his forehead on hers. “It’s a choice we have to make. Weekly, daily, by the minute. Love and grace—the world needs more of those, especially for us as children of God. Who are we to withhold forgiveness, even to ourselves, when the creator of all the world has freely given it to us?”
It finally clicked. She knew she was no longer that person she once had been, but she’d never forgiven herself for becoming that old person. But Connor was right. Who was she to hold a grudge against herself? God had forgiven her, not condemned her, so why was she trying to condemn herself?
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“For?”
“Helping me see the light.” She touched her fingertips to his jaw. “For believing in me, when I’ve struggled for years to believe in myself.”
“I love you,” he said, as though that were the answer to everything.
And maybe it was.
Love.
Such a short word for such a big idea.
Love healed. Love restored. Love overcame. Love unified.
Love saved.
