She put a hand on the doorhandle. She couldn’t breathe. It had been so long since she’d had a full panic attack. “I can’t do this.”
She jumped out, hearing Connor calling for her to stop.
Flight or fight.
She ran. Across the yard to her car in the adjacent driveway. Pulled her keys from her purse.
“No, no, no,” she moaned. This couldn’t be happening.
Bending over, she took deep breaths. Focused on three things she could see. The gravel, the grass, her shoes.
She listened for three sounds. A nearby cricket, a plane flying overhead, footsteps.
Footsteps?
“Are you okay?” Connor carefully touched her shoulder.
Standing upright she breathed another deep breath and let it out slowly. The worst of the attack had passed. “Panic attack. I haven’t had one in years.”
His face clouded. “It’s my fault for springing that on you. That was terrible timing.”
She sighed. “It doesn’t change the fact you have no blame in what happened to me. I made choices that led me to Brad, and Brad made his choices to steal and abuse.”
“Still…”
“Listen to me, Connor. Had you proposed, I would have accepted. And then what? My addiction would have magically gone away? I doubt it.” She pressed her fingers against his arm. “I can’t say that God wanted me to go through all I did, but I do know He used it for His glory. It was the course of those events that brought me to Him.”
His eyes reflected the struggle to accept what she’d said. “You’re right.”
She managed to smile. “I know I am.”
“Be careful driving home. Let me know when you make it, okay?”
Heat filled her cheeks. “There’s um, a slight problem with that.”
“What is it?”
She held up the keychain with a single key. “My brain wasn’t functioning this morning. When I gave my neighbor the key to my apartment, I gave her my full set of keys instead of the spare, which included my car key.”
His lips twitched until he couldn’t stop the laughter. “I’m sorry, but you do have a habit of losing car keys.”
The laughter was contagious. She giggled, and it felt good after the rush of a panic attack. “Hey, in my defense, they aren’t exactly lost, simply where I can’t use them.”
“Whatever you say.” He grinned and pointed to his property. “Let’s go back and I’ll take you to get your keys. We’ll take my truck since I’m off the clock.”
“I can call someone to get me. You look exhausted.”
“Seriously?” He crossed his arms and gave herthelook.
“Okay, fine, you win.” She wagged a finger at him. “But dinner’s on me tonight.”
“Is that an invitation?”
“If you want it to be.” A small voice in her head told her it wasn’t wise to spend this much time with him, but a louder, more prominent voice said hanging out with an old friend couldn’t be a bad thing.
She’d just make herself forget that he’d bought a ring.
That was in the past. She only looked to the future.
