ChapterFive
Monica had her bags packed, ready to load in her trunk in the next morning. For once in her life she had no destination. She’d drive off, chase the horizon, and follow wherever the road led. Along the way, she’d visit friends but had nothing written in stone.
If she could get through today, she’d be able to breathe again. She surveyed her room of the last three months, checking one last time for any remaining possessions. Satisfied she’d collected everything, she went downstairs, leaving the frilly floral quilt and doily topped nightstand behind her.
Her parents had left already to run several errands before they’d all meet at Carrie’s house for dinner. Monica loved her sister, but she wanted to get through this meal and move on with her life. There came a point when being home hurt too much.
She slipped her arms into the sleeves of her jacket. Before leaving the house, she looked out her favorite window again with the bittersweet memories of yesteryear. Despite all the changes in her life and those around her, the landscape remained untouched. There was profound meaning hidden in that realization, but she was too emotionally exhausted to dwell on it.
On the short drive to her sister’s home, she mentally prepared herself for any sentiments that may try to sneak their way into her. Her sister was happy in her role as wife and soon-to-be mother. Carrie had the life she always wanted—a comfortable home, stability, a doting husband, and a child on the way. She even had the white picket fence.
Monica didn’t begrudge her any of that. Though sisters, they had different visions for their lives, and Monica had chosen her path. However, when she looked at Carrie, she couldn’t help but see reflections of what could have been.
There was a time when Matt Russell had offered her that very life and she’d turned it down. While confident she’d made the right decision for herself and her future, she couldn’t stop the small pang of longing and hurt, when years later, Matt and Carrie began dating, which led to their marriage two years ago.
Since then, Monica had made it a point not to be in the company of Matt and Carrie together unless absolutely unavoidable. She would only see her sister if they arranged for a meeting in town or at her parents’ house. Considering the little amount of time she had spent in Pennsylvania, there was no reason for anyone to suspect Monica’s avoidance of the Russell home.
Today would be the first time she stepped foot in the house since she was a teenager. She drove up the long winding driveway, breathing deeply to steady her nerves. How was it she’d protected clients against drug lords and murderers without experiencing the anxiety that now twisted her stomach?
She parked behind her parents’ car and gathered her courage. One last sigh escaped before she stepped out of her car, and she plastered on a smile she prayed appeared genuine. Seconds after she knocked, Matt opened the door.
An unreadable expression flashed in his eyes before greeting her with a smile and welcoming her in. “Carrie’s in the kitchen getting last minute food ready.”
Unable to meet his gaze, she stared behind him. “I’ll see if she needs help.”
“The kitchen is straight ahead and to your left.”
As if she could have forgotten. She’d spent countless hours in that kitchen with Mrs. Russell when she and Matt had dated. Mrs. Russell had been a champion baker and the only person who could compete with her mom’s cookies. Even now, the smell of a freshly baked apple pie could transport Monica to her high school days.
If she inhaled deep enough, she could still smell the familiar aromas which were as much a part of the house as was the Russell family. She found her way to Carrie who waddled toward her with a smile.
“I’m so glad you came.” Carrie brushed a hair from her face. “I was hoping you’d be able to stop by the house before you left. You’ve been so busy, but I’m dying to show off the nursery.”
“I can’t wait to see it. I still can’t believe you’re going to be a mom, and I’ll be an Aunt.” At least she could say that much with a genuine smile. Aunt was a title that appealed to her. She could spoil and love the little one to her heart’s content but quickly hand her back when she fussed or had a spoiled diaper.
“After we eat, I’ll show you her room. I bought her the cutest little outfit for her first Christmas last week, but I hope it won’t be too big for her. She’ll only be a month old, if that.” Carrie talked on, as mothers-to-be tended to do.
As Monica listened, she looked around the kitchen, noting the changes since she’d last stepped foot in that kitchen. The appliances had been updated, but the solid, custom-built pine cabinets remained untouched. The white walls had been painted sunshine yellow with a pale blue backsplash. Very country and very Carrie.
An elm tree stood outside the window above the sink. Did Carrie know that tree held an engravedM & Mfor Matt and Monica. Oddly—or perhaps, purposely—she and Carrie had never discussed the past relationship between Monica and Matt. It was in the past and didn’t matter anymore.
Kind of.
She helped Carrie move the salads and side dishes from the kitchen to the long dining room table. Matt and her dad brought in pork chops hot off the grill, and everybody sat around the oval table. The men carried the conversation with talk of farming that dulled Monica, but then the topic turned to her and her plans.
Uncomfortable under the scrutiny, especially since she didn’t exactly have a plan, she spun a baby carrot with her fork. Her parents knew her plans, or lack thereof, so why did they keep bringing it up? She opened her mouth but couldn’t come up with an answer that wouldn’t invite more questions.
“Little Emily says Mommy’s belly is full. I need to move around before I explode.” Carrie caught her gaze with an empathetic expression and came to her rescue. “Do you want to see the nursery now?”
Monica jumped at the opportunity. They left the table, walked up the staircase, down the hallway, and into the last room on the right. Stenciled butterflies tastefully covered lavender walls, and a dark sleigh crib stood on the edge of one wall. Someone had draped a quilt that matched the stencils over the rail.
“This is beautiful. You did a great job.” She looked at Carrie, impressed and in awe at the woman her baby sister had grown into. “Emily is lucky to have you as her mom.”
“Thank you,” Carrie’s face glowed at the praise before her eyes clouded over. “She’ll be lucky to have you as an aunt. I only hope she has the chance to know you.”
Monica stood motionless, hit hard by her sister’s comment. There was no malice, only remorse. “A niece gives me more reason to come home, and we have so much more technology now to keep in touch.”
“I guess,” Carrie muttered unconvinced.
