A tinge of concern entered Rex’s tone. “What’s wrong?”
“I want to come home this weekend. I realized today that me being here is not going to help Matt at all.”
“What aren’t you telling me, Monica?”
“You were partially right about Matt. He thinks he still loves me and wants me to stay.”
“I could wring his neck.” Rex’s voice slowed to an angry drawl. “I get that he’s grieving, but he needs to pull himself together.”
“He loved Carrie with all his heart. I know he did and still does. He’s not thinking clearly at all right now. I’m not making excuses for his behavior, but I do know it’s time for me to leave.”
“I’ll catch the first flight after work Friday even if I have to drive to New Orleans or Baton Rouge.”
“I’ll call and book us flights for Saturday.” She hated leaving on these terms but couldn’t wait to be with Rex once more.
“All right, but please promise me you’ll keep a distance from him. I know you can take care of yourself, but he worries me.”
“Trust me, Rex, after seeing the look in his eyes today I will stay as far away as I can. I’ll make sure Mom or Dad are with me anytime I go see Emily.”
“Do your parents know?”
“Mom does now. I’ll tell Dad tonight.”
“That’s good, they should know. I’m meeting some of the guys for lunch, so I should get off the phone. Thanks for tell me what happened.” He paused, and she wondered what went through his mind. “I’ll call you after work to finalize our plans.”
“Enjoy your lunch. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Monica felt a small measure of peace—only two more days until she would see Rex again. She returned to her parents and began packing her clothes for the second time in as many months. As she looked around the room, she had a feeling she would never return here the same person.
While she wasn’t sure what the feeling meant, instinct told her it was for the better. She gathered pile of laundry to toss in the wash and saw one of Rex’s t-shirts sticking out. Bringing it to her face, she inhaled deeply. The night before he left, she had snuck it from his bag. Part of her felt like a schoolgirl, but she wanted something to keep him close. For the first three nights he was home in Louisiana, she had slept with it, breathing in the masculine scent all night.
Once her laundry was going, she went to the kitchen to make a cake. Typically, she didn’t bake— that had been Carrie’s hobby, but today she craved domestic activity. Perhaps it was playing mom for the last two days or maybe being in love. She dug through her mom’s recipes until she found one for a double chocolate fudge cake then searched through the cabinets for all the ingredients.
By the time the washing machine dinged signaling the end of the cycle, she was thoroughly coated in flour and cocoa. She finished mixing all the ingredients, placed the cake in the oven and cleaned up. Once she was no longer a baker’s nightmare, she switched her clothes to the dryer and went outside.
The beginning of November brought brisk temperatures, and a breeze made it downright chilly. She crossed her arms to retain her body heat as she sat on the porch. Her gaze traveled to the apple tree in which so many conversations had taken place. As she sat there reflecting, she knew what she had to do in order to receive closure on her sister’s passing. She went back inside and sat down at her parent’s computer desk. Pulling up the internet browser, she typed what she was searching for.
“Yes!” Her heart thumped when she found what she was looking for. She clicked a link to download the song and rummaged through drawers until she found a blank CD. By the time the song was burned to the CD, her cake and laundry were done. She set the cake on a rack to cool and hurriedly put her laundry away. After that was done, she grabbed the CD and jumped in her car.
There were very few people at the graveyard on that Wednesday afternoon. Monica looked around before going straight to Carrie’s grave where there was still freshly dug dirt. She knelt beside the headstone and began talking to her sister.
“I miss you Carrie. I haven’t had a chance to tell you good-bye in private, and I wanted to come before I leave. There are so many things I wish I’d had a chance to tell you and that I wish I’d have known. But I am going to tell you now. First, I want you to know how much I love and appreciate you. For so many years I took for granted that you’d always be here. If I could have only known how short your time on earth would be, I would have come home more and called more often. But you remember what Grams said. ‘If bullfrogs had wings, they wouldn’t bump their butts.’ I can’t go back and change the past, but I can change the future. I will live my life, so I never have to worry about those ifs anymore.
Second, I am so proud of you for everything that you accomplished in life. Dad told me you wrote a children’s book. You can’t fathom the pride I feel, not just that you succeeded, but that you had the courage to pursue a dream. Most importantly, I am so proud of you for the beautiful daughter you brought to the world who brings a smile to everyone who sees her. I believe she will have your loving and nurturing spirit. Please know I take my role as godmother very seriously. I will make sure that she knows how special her mom was, and I will teach her the values I know you would want her to have. She will know the importance of family and maybe one day Matt will remarry, and she can have a sibling. I know that’s what you would want because we’ve talked about it before, never dreaming it would be a possibility.
I am really worried about Matt, my little Care-bear. Losing you is something I’m not sure he’ll recover from. I’m afraid if I am here, he will continue to see me as a crutch to escape his grief, so I am going home on Saturday. And that brings me to my last thing I wanted to tell you.
Thank you for believing in me and true love. If not for you, I would have fought my own stubbornness for who knows how long, missing out on precious moments I could spend with Rex. You were right all along, sis. I just had to find the right man and then I’d want to settle down. I’ve finally seen that it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. I have to go now, but I had to tell you goodbye first. I brought you a gift. It’s a copy of our song. Just because I’m looking up and you’re looking down, doesn’t mean we can’t still see the same stars in the sky. I’ll always think of you when I see the North Star. Look at it tonight at our usual time and know I’ll also be looking. Find Tommy and tell him to join you. I love you, Carrie.”
She laid the CD down and blew a kiss to the headstone. Walking away, she let herself cry without her usual restraint. She had found her closure and felt free to move on with her life.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The Saturday before Thanksgiving, Rex woke up unsure if he’d ever fallen into a deep sleep. The sun peeked through the curtains, a welcoming omen for today’s outcome. He slipped out of bed, automatically walking to the kitchen to start his standard pot of coffee.
Chance scratched at the door, and Rex let him out. A blast of cold air assaulted him, sending an involuntary shiver coursing through him. He adjusted the thermostat and pulled a sweatshirt over his head. Returning to the kitchen, he made a mental note to bring a jacket today as the temperature was sure to feel several degrees cooler out on the water.
