Their two-year anniversary was in a few months, and Jared hadn’t seen them since. After that final deployment, he couldn’t bring himself to go home. He hadn’t been alone. Wyatt and Evan had stayed in Jacksonville, too. They’d needed the support of each other in a way only someone who’d gone through their experience could give.
Looking back, he wondered if he’d made the wrong choice. Could leaning on his family have brought him out of the pit instead of sinking further in?What’s done is done. What good would second-guessing himself do now?
All that mattered was that he was on a mission to heal. Every decision he made, every action he took, would be based on how it affected him long-term. No more quick fixes that filled him with shame and regret.
He needed real solutions, and going home topped the list. He’d only told a select few—those he thought would understand—but one friend from the squadron had accused him of running away from his problems, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. If anything, he was facing them head on.
By going home, he was placing himself in a situation where he couldn’t slide into old habits. Mom and Cara would offer unconditional love, but they wouldn’t hesitate to hold him accountable once he told them what he’d been going through.
His mom came from a family of teetotalers. She wouldn’t allow any liquor into her home, including that which had already been consumed. If it wasn’t rubbing alcohol, it didn’t make it past her doors.
He laughed at a memory that surfaced though it hadn’t been funny at the time. The summer of his junior year of high school, he’d gone to a party and not realized the punch had more than fruit juice and lemon-lime soda. He was unknowingly drunk by the time a friend dropped him off later that night.
When he stumbled into the house, Mom sent him right back out with a blanket and pillow and made him sleep on the porch. He’d had a hard time convincing her the next morning that he hadn’t realized he’d been drinking. Only once she’d called the parents of the kids involved was she satisfied.
The incident had humiliated him at the time. How could his mother do that to him? Even though it had happened mid-summer and was largely forgotten about when school started, he hadn’t been invited to any more parties by that group.
His mom’s prayers and guidance—in some late-night talks—had turned the social tragedy into a life lesson. He’d become more aware of his surroundings—getting to know people before drinking their Kool-Aid—and the next morning’s hangover had thoroughly convinced him to steer clear of alcohol.
Until Mike died, and he found relief in a bottle. Until then, he’d never had any regrets so extreme that he wanted to obliterate them from his life.
He looked down at his knuckles turning white from his grip on the steering wheel. Loosening his hold, he shifted his thoughts to happier times. He remembered riding his bike down the street while Cara tried to catch up on her pink bike with a white wicker basket on the front.
Images materialized of all the happy holidays they’d shared as a family before his father died when he was eleven. Dad had loved holidays and went to extremes to make them special. Their house had always been the one people drove out of their way to see, with all the Christmas lights and decorations. At Easter, he’d put a cross in the front yard with a cardboard “tomb” with the stone rolled away. Pumpkins, hay bales, and scarecrows filled their porch every September through November.
His father’s death had been terrible, but even that hadn’t affected Jared like Mike’s death. Dad died from a heart attack, and while it took everyone by surprise since he’d always been the picture of health, he hadn’t suffered. It had been instant, unlike Mike’s death which had been slow and painful. Dad had lived a longer life, started a family. Mike never had that chance, and left behind a young widow. More so, Jared didn’t blame himself for his Dad’s death like he did with Mike’s. The guilt added a new dimension to what was already an unbearable grief.
And just like that, he’d slipped into his negative thought patterns. Why was it so hard to keep his mind from wandering there? How could he move forward with his thoughts held ransom?
That’s why I’m going home. Mom will know how to help. She always knows the right thing to say and do.
Weatherton came into view, and a new round of nerves erupted in his stomach. A few years ago he would have prayed, but not anymore. God had better things to do than help a loser like him.
Odd, how he never questioned God’s existence and why He hadn’t prevented Mike’s death. He couldn’t bring himself to deny His presence, nor blame God for the tragedy. Sometimes things happened, and sometimes they happened because of the actions of others. In Mike’s case, he was on that helicopter because Jared had made the decision to goof off and get hurt as a result.
Man, he wished he could shut off his brain sometimes. A lot of times.
He pulled into the driveway of his childhood home, glad that it hadn’t left the family when Mom moved to New Mexico. Going home to the house he’d grown up in had a calming effect that he didn’t imagine would exist in an unfamiliar dwelling. Here, his memories of more innocent times could wrap him in a comforting balm.
His mom’s car wasn’t in the driveway. Mrs. McCade, Jase’s mom, lived next door, and he thought about walking to her house, but she’d be on the phone with his mom as soon as he left. He wanted to surprise his mom, and Mrs. McCade, bless her heart, would ruin that. Chances were, she’d already seen him sitting in the driveway. When Cara became her daughter-in-law, she’d adopted Jared as a second son as well. She’d even sent him care packages during his deployment and encouraging notes when he’d come home.
He grabbed his phone and dialed his mom.
The line connected, and he heard static for several seconds before she answered. “Hi, sweetheart.”
“Hi, Mom.” He glanced out the windows. “What are you doing?”
“Coming home from a shopping trip in Cheyenne with Cara. How was the wedding?”
“It was nice.” He knew she’d want details, but he could tell her later in person. “When will you be home?”
“In about fifteen minutes, but I have to run out at four to pick my car up from the shop. I dropped it off this morning for new tires. Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, it’s fine. I just wanted to talk to you about something, but it can wait until later.” A smile curled his lips. He’d get to see his mom and sister in minutes. “Give me a call when you get home.”
“I sure will. I love you. Talk to you soon.”
“Love you, too.”See you soon.
