She didn’t say anything. He got the feeling she didn’t trust herself to speak.
Lowering his hands, he locked gazes with her. “Would you think about moving to Wyoming? I’d love to raise our child in Weatherton with family nearby. My mom offered her house for you to share. Or—even better, you could live with me. As my wife.”
For a long time, she didn’t say anything. She sat there with a hand over her mouth as though truly speechless. “I…That’s…I don’t know.”
“Don’t give an answer until you pray about it. And regardless of your answer, I’ll stand by you.” He swallowed the ball in this throat. “Our daughter needs both of her parents in her life, and I intend to give her that.”
“This is a lot to take in.” She ran her fingers along her jaw. “This is what I know. My life and career are here.”
“If you decide to move, I’ll help you find a job. You could even stay home with Brilyn if you’d like.” He saw a light spring alive in her. “With the money the ranch is making, we’d be comfortable on that income.”
“When do you need to know?”
“Once you have an answer that gives you peace.” He cringed, worried about telling her the next part. “I have to make a trip out there to sign paperwork. I leave tomorrow.”
Her cheek twitched. “When will you be back?”
“In a week, which gives us a week to cram in all the Christmas fun we can.”
The muscles in her face relaxed. “Promise?”
“Promise.”
Chapter Fourteen
Sybil wandered up and down the aisles of the local craft store. She’d already gone to two department stores, and they were sold out of the smaller artificial trees. An associate suggested she try the craft store, so here she was.
How pathetic that I’ve never had a Christmas tree. Growing up, there had only ever been one Christmas decoration in her house—a stuffed fleece snowman. The few presents she’d received from her mom had been placed beside it for Sybil to open Christmas morning.
Not until recently had she realized all she’d missed out on. It wasn’t about the minimal presents or decorations, but the lack of celebration. Looking back, maybe it was a good thing Mom hadn’t let her watch the Christmas movies that came on TV. Then she would have grown up longing for those family-filled Christmases with plenty of love to cover the fiascos bound to happen when families gathered. She couldn’t miss what she knew nothing about.
She saw a tree she liked, a balsam fir, and it fit her budget. She noted the number on the attached card, and then looked on the shelf below for a match. When she found it, she pulled out the white cardboard box and made sure the image matched the tree she wanted. She put it in the cart, curious how a full-branched, five-foot tree would come out of the box.
Continuing through the aisles, she shopped for ornaments. She came across ceramic woodland creatures with buffalo plaid scarves, and she fell in love with them. Cutesy items never caught her eye before, but she found her tastes changing.
On the pegs next to the squirrels, foxes, and raccoons were complementing ornaments in Christmas shapes—stars bells and stockings. She added several handfuls to her cart, then a few more for good measure since she didn’t know how many ornaments were needed to fill her tree. In the next aisle, she tossed a box of white-stringed lights in her cart.That should take care of the tree.
If she was going to decorate for Christmas, she might as well go all in. A few things here, and a few things there, until she had to get a second cart. By the time she checked out, she had materials for an entire mantel display, including stockings, garland to frame her door posts, and a battery-operated candle for each window in her house.
The crown jewel of her collection was a nativity set. She’d celebrate Christmas this year for the first time as a Christian, and she wanted a small memento to commemorate that. Five displays had been set up to choose from, and she opted for the most basic. It seemed fitting to keep it simple and humble in honor of the humility with which Jesus entered the world.
She paid for her purchases, gulping at the total. Tapping her fingers on the counter, she debated putting a few items back. Ultimately, she kept everything. Thanks to Jared’s help, she hadn’t dipped into savings for any of the baby items and had even squirreled away a few hundred dollars more over the last four months. She had the extra money from her paycheck to cover the purchases, so why not splurge? It was an investment in her future and giving her daughter Christmases to remember.
On the way home, she stopped at the grocery store and picked up lunch from the salad bar. Her excitement for decorating dimmed when it hit her she’d be going it alone. Jared wouldn’t be home until Monday. She could wait for him, but she wanted to surprise him.
An ache formed in her chest when she thought of him. She’d been spoiled having him near so often. That he lived right down the street made it even easier for them to spend time together. She hadn’t expected to miss him, at least not to the extent she did. If she was completely honest with herself—and she wasn’t certain she wanted to be—it went far beyond missing him. With Jared gone, a piece of her had gone with him, and she was incomplete.
That terrified her. She’d never depended on anyone, but somewhere along the way, she’d come to lean on Jared. She cared for him. Much more than she wanted to admit. She’d known the second he’d told her about the ranch and she thought she might lose him. The instant shattering of her heart and compression of her chest trying to hold it together forced her to acknowledge it.
But what did she do with it? Could she move to Wyoming with him? She trusted him, but did she have that much faith in him? That was a silly question. The more realistic question was, did she have faith in herself? Oh, how she wanted to.
If she moved to Wyoming, it wouldn’t be to live with his mom. She’d only go as his wife, but that seemed so far out of her reach. He’d made clear his intentions, but she couldn’t let go of that last shred of uncertainty. Couldn’t shed the fear he’d leave her like most people in her life. For goodness' sake, her own dad hadn’t cared enough about her to stick around and meet her.
God, I know You’re real and will never let me down. Help me stop these negative and toxic thoughts and show me what I’m to do. Let me know if I’m to marry Jared. Leaving my home and comfort zone to rely on a man scares me, but I don’t want fear to control my decisions.
If she’d expected instant answers, they didn’t come. She pulled into the driveway, bummed at the prospect of a lonely afternoon. After she carried all her bags inside, she called Rysa and invited her over, but she had a work Christmas party to attend.
Resigned to an afternoon alone, she ate her salad. Despite her prayers and attempts to sway her thoughts, the loneliness persisted. On a whim, she called Hollie from church. It was a big step for her in reaching out to new friends, but Hollie had gone out of her way to make Sybil feel welcome in her first weeks at church.
