Reluctantly, he pulled his phone from his pocket. He took the coward’s way out and rather than call Evan, he shot him a quick text that he’d be late.
Evan’s response came seconds later. —How late?
A few minutes. He stopped short of sending the text and deleted what he’d typed. How many lies would he tell before they caught up to him? Hadn’t they already? He wrote a new message and sent it. —I need a ride.
—I’ll be there in ten. No questions asked, Evan would come to his rescue and—once again—prove himself to be the better friend.
Which did nothing for Jared’s current mental state. Few people were fortunate enough to find the quality of friends he had in his small group. He’d lied to them, betrayed their trust, and hadn’t reciprocated the support they’d shown him.
“No more.” He’d made the same vow on multiple mornings, but this time felt different. For the first time, he spoke it with conviction.
His life had to change. He didn’t know how, but the first step was coming clean to his friends. The second step required abstaining from alcohol—any vices, really. Somehow, he had to find a way to deal with what had happened in Afghanistan.
If he didn’t change his ways, who’s to say he wouldn’t make worse choices down the road. Maybe next time he wouldn’t call a cab, wreck his car and hurt himself—worse yet, hurt someone else or take their life. He’d never set out with that intention, but the beer and whiskey made him do things he regretted, that he would never have done if sober.
He leaned against the garage door while waiting for Evan. His insides churned, stirring up change. All the while, a voice whispered that it was too late. That he was too far gone to come back, and that he didn’t deserve a good life because he took away Mike’s chance for one. Taunting him and reminding him of all his shortcomings and weaknesses.
What kind of future was there for a man like him?
Evan drove up in his brand-new car. May’s tornado had damaged his old one beyond repair, and he’d driven a rental until deciding on the make and model he wanted. The mid-size sedan shouted family man, and Jared’s jaw twitched with unwanted envy. Not that he had any desire to marry anytime soon, but he couldn’t deny that the idea of falling in love and sharing a life with someone held a certain appeal.
It was the settling down part that drew him. What he wouldn’t give to experience the sensation ofsettled. Turmoil defined his life, drawn into a tailspin by the constant warring of his heart, mind, and soul. If he fell in love, had someone to share his life with, would that help him find a measure of peace like it had for Wyatt when he reunited with ex-wife Meg, and then for Evan and Janie when they fell in love with each other?
Their peace comes from God, not each other.
He scrunched his nose. Why did his conscience always circle back to God? Twice already this morning, in less than an hour, it had crept into his thoughts, with his mind giving the same response.I’m not worthy.
“You look like you’ve seen better days.” Evan stood with his arms crossed and resting atop the opened car door.
“Probably because I have.” He tried to shake off the stupor that held him in place.
Evan’s gaze darted to the empty spot in the driveway. “Where’s your truck?”
Unable to look his friend in the eye, Jared rubbed a hand along his jaw and trained his line of vision on the house across the street. “Jake’s.”
“As in Jake’s Tavern?” Evan’s tone conveyed little surprise.
“Yes.” He owned his mistake and looked at Evan. Took a deep breath then exhaled slowly. “I meant it when I said I’d stop. And I mean it every morning that I wake up with a pounding headache and tell myself it won’t happen again.” His voice dropped to a near whisper. “I want to, but can’t seem to.”
The vow he’d made minutes ago for the umpteenth time crossed his mind. He still felt the same conviction that this time would be different, but how could he know? Hadn’t he been determined each time before?
Stepping out from behind the door, Evan came to stand in front of him. “You’re my friend, and I love you like a brother. I’ll be here to help any way I can, but the truth is, I can’t get you out of this. Take it from someone who’s been there. You can’t outrun, outwit, or out-drink the memories.”
Jared swallowed, well aware of that truth. “I know.”
“I think you also know the way out, but feel you don’t deserve it.” Evan squeezed his shoulder. “And the reality of it is, none of us do, which makes it that much more beautiful.”
Evan hit the proverbial nail on the head, but that didn’t surprise Jared. If anyone understood the battles he faced daily, it was Evan and Wyatt. It seemed so easy, but …
Chapter Two
Sybil Hollis rummaged through her closet, searching for an outfit to wear. Her best friend Liz wanted their group to go out tonight and celebrate her thirtieth birthday, but all Sybil wanted to do was curl up in bed and fall asleep.
How’s that for excitement? She hadn’t stayed home on a Friday night in months. She enjoyed the night life. Didn’t most single women in their twenties? In two years, she’d have her turn at hitting thirty and then she’d stay home more, maybe think about finding a serious boyfriend and possibly settling down.As if I know anything about that.
She lifted a hanger and looked at the off-the-shoulder shimmery gray top. Matched with her new black skirt that clung tightly to her and showed off her toned legs, the outfit would be a hit. At five-foot-three-inches tall, she hadn’t inherited her mother’s height but had gotten her killer legs, and she’d be sure to attract attention with that outfit. A smile curled her lips, and the idea rejuvenated her.
A niggling thought persisted, erasing her smile as quickly as it had appeared. For weeks, she’d questioned whether she actually liked her status quo or if she continued on because that’s all she knew. She didn’t take life seriously—no doubt about that—a lesson she’d learned from her mom.
