Yet, as I lie here with her breathing softly against me, her hand curled trustingly over my heart, I realize something that scares the shit out of me. If someone asked me right now what my perfect life looks like, it’s this. It’s her in my arms, in my home, in my life. It’s shared showers, home-cooked meals, and watching our favorite shows together. It’s the easy conversation and the comfortable silences.
It’s having someone who sees the darkness in me and isn’t afraid of it. Someone who’s got her own shadows but lets me see them too.
The realization should send me running. It’s too fast, too intense, too everything. But instead, I find myself tightening my arm around her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.
“Sweet dreams, Atlee,” I whisper into the darkness, knowing she can’t hear me but needing to say it anyway.
As I drift off to sleep, I wonder if maybe, just maybe, I’ve finally found something worth staying for. Something worth fighting for.
And if that something is the woman in my arms, I’m pretty damn lucky.
NINE
ATLEE
The weekend wentby much faster than I thought it would. When Devlin wasn’t doing weekend chores at the ranch, he was in his cabin with me. When my alarm went off, I wasn’t prepared, which is why I’m now staring at myself in the mirror, hyping myself up so that I can get ready to go to work.
The bruises have faded, and I’m trying to figure out if I can hide most of them with the makeup I have.
“Are you nervous?” Devlin asks as he comes into the bathroom. He’s wearing a white T-shirt and an unbuttoned pair of jeans. The ink on his arms is highlighted by the shocking brightness of his shirt, and I can’t help but reach out and run my fingernails along his skin.
“Yeah,” I admit, my voice small and quiet. “I’m dreading walking in there.”
“There will be a lot of fuckin’ feelings,” he grunts as he reaches out and wraps his arms around my waist, propping his chin on my shoulder.
The picture we make in the mirror is one I hope I never forget. Even if whatever this is doesn’t last, I’ll have these memories. “There will. I’m scared that I won’t be able to stay.That I’ll walk in and immediately freak out before running through the front door. What if I’m not strong enough for this?”
“You’re strong enough for it,” he whispers in my ear. “You’re one of the strongest people I know, and if you can’t do it? I’ll have the getaway car outside for you.”
I smile, and he answers the gesture in the mirror. “I do have a serious question for you, Devlin.”
“What, babe?”
He’s never called me anything like that before, and the warmth that spreads across my face and chest is visible by the blush that takes over my flesh. “I don’t know how to say this…”
“Just say it. I think you know you can tell me anything at this point.”
He’s right. We’ve moved far enough along in our relationship that I shouldn’t hide things, no matter if they’re hard to put voice to. “What if I’m not ready to stay in my apartment by myself?” I say the words quickly, without taking a breath.
“Then you come here,” he answers matter-of-factly. “You stay here for as long as you want. Do you have a car?” he asks, as if this is the first time he’s thought of it.
“I have one, but it’s broken down. I live close enough to the pharmacy that I can walk. So it’s like…” I wring my hands together. “I’ve lost that safety too. I’m not sure I feel safe enough to walk back and forth now.”
He reaches forward, grabbing my chin, tilting my face up so that our eyes meet in the mirror again. “I’ll take you until we can get you a vehicle out here. It’ll take me a couple of days, but you can stay here for as long as you want to.”
“I didn’t tell you all this so you would feel the need to fix everything for me,” I argue.
He grunts. “Fixing is what I do for the people I care about. Let me do this.”
For so long, no one cared other than Lennon. It’s foreign for someone other than her or me to care about my safety and to make sure I have everything I need. The people who should’ve been the ones to do that? They never did, and now this big, amazing man wants to be the one to do it. “Okay,” I agree. “I’ll let you help me. For some reason, I feel like I’m supposed to.”
“You’re in this position because you’re meant to be here?” he questions.
“Yeah, that’s exactly it.”
He pulls me back against his chest. “Then I’m glad we both feel the same way.”
I take one final look at myself in the mirror, checking the concealer I’ve applied over the worst of the bruising. It’s not perfect, but it’s the best I can do. The dark purple has faded to a sickly yellowish-green around my eye, and my split lip is mostly healed. I look like I’ve been through something, but I don’t look broken. That’s what matters.
