West on Main. That leads all the way through the city and out of town. I know she didn’t just decide to bolt on me. I can’t believe that. I pour my coffee, mulling it over silently.
“Junie’s not the mole, is he?” Ivan asks.
“No, he’s not.”
“Anything left of him down there?”
I sip from the cup and grimace. It’s strong as fuck. “Yeah,” I tell him. “He’ll live. He’s going to need a medic, though, so?—”
“I’ll have it taken care of,” he says. He sips his coffee in silence for a moment, then he says, “Roman, I don’t want to ask you this, but have you considered every outsider at the club?”
“Of course I have,” I say with a little bit of indignance. “I’ve made arrangements for everyone sitting in jail to be bailed out as soon as their bond is set. Once they’re out, we’ll start making the rounds.”
“Right. What about your manager?”
“What about her?”
He tilts his head knowingly at me.
A flame of anger shoots up within me. “No.”
“You haven’t even considered it? With all due respect, Roman, we’ve all seen what happens when a Pakhan lets hiskhuymake decisions. You are smarter than that. To not consider her?—”
“She’s not the mole,” I say firmly. “And I won’t entertain any notions that she is.”
He stiffens and sets his cup down on the counter. “I understand that you might have strong feelings for her. But let’s approach this tactically. If we were at war with another Bratva and you wanted to infiltrate them, would this not be the best method? Of all the ways you could get close to another Pakhan, a woman has got to be at the top of the list. It’s a universal weakness for us all, right?”
I hear what he’s saying, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. “She is not a weakness,” I tell him, trying to keep my tone level.
“She’s not? Part of the reason we’re sitting here in the middle of a lockdown is because of the raid, is it not? This is an insult to what it means to be Bratva for us to be hiding. Because of the FBI? Since when are we afraid of the law?”
“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” I growl at him. “Back off, okay?”
He puts his hands up in surrender. “Okay. I’m sorry. I’m just asking you to think critically, that’s all. In this life, you can’t be too careful. Sometimes, our enemies have the faces of friends… or even lovers. I don’t want to see you fall because of the deeds of an outsider.”
I glare at him. “I’ve got it handled. Don’t you worry about it.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Handle the mess downstairs, please. I’ll be in my study.” I leave the kitchen without another word to him.
I get to the study and sit down on my couch, sipping the coffee. As much as I would like to dismiss Ivan’s concerns, he has a point. A really good fucking point. What he’s just said to me is something that I would have easily said to someone else if Iwere in his position. Women are the best at infiltrating a Bratva because they always catch us with our pants down.
It’s the greatest trap in the world, really. If we avoid women, then we run the risk of our manhood being questioned. There have to be a dozen words in Russian and Fenya for that kind of weakness and none of them are good. A Pakhan that doesn’t fuck is worse than a Pakhan who can’t defend himself. It’s worse than a man without arms or legs.
So, we let these women in our lives, forever running the risk that they could sell us out to the wrong people. The question isn’t whether or not I should believe a woman would string me up, but rather whether or not Ember would do such a thing to me.
I think I know her. She’s noble to a fault and on paper, the very wrong type of woman for me and this life I live. But the longer we’re together, it’s like our moral compasses have started to merge. I’m a little grayer than I used to be and she’s just a hair darker. We’re both becoming some new thing together. Something that can’t be defined by the air of our world.
I’m waxing poetic, but it’s true, nonetheless.
At least, that’s been my perception. I don’t like the idea that I could be wrong about all of that. After all, she’s not here. And she’s been gone at least an hour.
I pull my phone out of my pocket and turn it on. Ares knew I was busy, so he called Ivan. I should text him to let him know my phone’s back on.
Hey,I text.Call me when you locate her.I pause. There could still be a million reasons she’s gone. I should make it clear that I don’t want her hurt.
When you do find her,I add,keep an eye on her and be sure she makes it back here in one piece.
