I wanted it. I wantedhim.
And that makes me the worst kind of person.
My hands drift to my stomach, to where I swear I’m starting to see a swell. “Please don’t hate me,” I whisper to the baby. To Alexei.
But even as I say it, I can still feel Dimitri’s hands on my skin and hear his rough voice telling me I was beautiful, that the babyand I are both his. I felt so safe wrapped in his arms, and the nightmares couldn’t touch me as long as he was there.
I sigh, yanking on my hair in frustration. I don’t fucking understand Dimitri Volkov. He married me for revenge and made my life hell for three weeks. He’s been cruel and cold and exactly what I expected from a man who blamed my family for his brother’s death.
But then he comforted me last night when I had that nightmare. He held me while I sobbed and stayed even though he could have left. And then we had sex with a tenderness that completely contradicted every terrible thing he’d done before.
Which version is real? The monster or the man from last night?
I need to watch myself more closely. Whatever happened last night can’t happen again. I’m not replacing Alexei. Iwon’treplace him.
I force myself out of bed. I’m going to put last night behind me and rebuild the walls that came crumbling down in the darkness. I can do it.
Except I’m a fucking liar and a goddamn hypocrite, because instead of watching myself more closely, I find myself watchinghimdifferently.
It starts that evening at dinner.
We’ve maintained the new routine of eating together civilly (no more verbal attacks or cruelty). We’re just two people sharing ameal in uncomfortable silence while pretending the tension in the air amongst us isn’t there.
But tonight, I’m not just enduring his presence. I’mnoticingthings.
The way he listens when Roman reports on some skirmishes. He has his full attention on his head of security, asking thoughtful questions and considering every angle. There’s no dismissiveness or arrogance, like I saw in Uncle Marcus. He respects the man, values his input, and treats him like an equal even though Roman is technically his employee.
“What about Igor’s family?” Dimitri asks, his fingers drumming thoughtfully on the table. “Have we made sure they’re protected?”
“Already handled, boss,” Roman confirms. “His wife and kids are at the safe house. No one knows where they are except you and me.”
“Good.” Dimitri nods, and there’s genuine relief in his expression. “Keep it that way. I won’t have another family suffering because of—” He cuts himself off, jaw tightening, but I know what he was going to say.Because of me. Because of my decisions.
He carries that weight. The responsibility for everyone under his protection. It’s written in every line of his face, in the tension he never quite lets go of, the way his eyes constantly scan for threats.
It’s not just about power. It’s about duty, and that realization unsettles me more than it should.
Over the next few days, I keep noticing small details that chip away at the monster I’d constructed in my mind.
Like when one of the younger guards (barely twenty and new to the organization) mentions his mother is sick. I’m in the hallway outside Dimitri’s office (waiting for him so we can go to yet another dinner meeting) when I hear them talking.
“I hate to ask, Mr. Volkov, but could I have a few days off? My mother, she’s—the doctors say she needs surgery, but the insurance won’t cover it all, and I need to figure out?—”
“What hospital?” Dimitri interrupts sharply.
The guard stammers out the name, clearly terrified he’s about to be fired for asking. I lean forward, desperate to hear what Dimitri will say next.
“I’ll handle it,” Dimitri says. “The surgery, the hospital bills, whatever she needs. You focus on being with your mother. Take a week.”
My jaw drops open and it shocks me as much as the guard who immediately starts sputtering.
“Mr. Volkov, I can’t—that’s too much!”
“You can and you will.” There’s no room for argument in his tone. “Your mother took care of you your whole life. Now let me take care of this. That’s what family does.”
Family. He called his organizationfamily.
The guard leaves Dimitri’s office with tears in his eyes, passing me in the hallway without even noticing I’m there.
