"What's on your mind?" he asks.
"Do you mean the things you say?" I ask. "Or do you just say them in the heat of the moment?"
My eyes burn. My throat burns. My heart burns.
It's hard to have this conversation, but I don't want to live in a state of delusion.
"What is this about, Grace?" he asks.
"You haven't said a word to me all day. Do you have any idea how that made me feel?" I say.
He looks into my eyes.
He's still buried deep inside me. But I feel him inside me even when we're apart. I have it so bad, and I want him to say that he feels the same way about me.
"I missed you today," I say. "And you made it seem like you didn't care."
His eyes flare. "I already told you, Grace. I'm enraptured by you. So much so that it feels like a sickness. It's an affliction that's going to be a part of me until the day I die.”
I look into his eyes as he speaks.
I see devotion in them.
He said a lot of nice things. I can't help but notice that he didn't say anything about loving me back. I wait for him to say the words, but he doesn’t.
"I thought I scared you off after what I said to my sisters," I say. "I know you heard me."
He looks at me like he doesn't know what I'm talking about.
I guess I'll have to swallow my pride.
"I said that I loved you, Dante," I say.
I've never felt more vulnerable in my life. His eyes soften, but something in them tells me I won't like what he's about to say next.
"This world isn't made for love," he whispers. "There can be affection, desire, and marriage. But not love. Never love."
"You think it's a weakness to love?" I ask.
I see everything I need to see in his eyes. In them, I see everything his mouth refuses to say.
And this is how I find out that my love for this man is unconditional. Because it doesn't even matter that he won't say those three words back to me. I love him nonetheless.
"We signed a contract, Grace," he says. "And even if some things have changed since then?—"
"Don't," I snap. "It's fine if you don't want to admit the truth to yourself. But please don't start lying to me now."
He looks conflicted.
I see it all so clearly in his eyes, but he refuses to say it out loud.
I've never been in love before, but I know exactly what this is. I don't know how he did it or when it happened, but somewhere along the way, this man carved out a space inside my heart. And he'll stay there for the rest of my life, even if we go our separate ways.
The very thought of being apart from him makes my heart squeeze.
I don't know if I'll survive it.
He's quiet as he pulls out of me. I cover my breasts with my arm. For the first time, this feels like something dirty. My shirt is in tatters on the ground. The evidence of his desire is all over my skin. The evidence of his affection is all over his face, but it stings that he doesn't want to call it love.
